


AFTG/TFC minifics, headcanons from @neilsexy on tumblr

by mugglecastiel



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Multi, a lot of these are just hcs, and theyre all from my tumblr lmao, but there are a lot of them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-07-27 14:24:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 97
Words: 81,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7621864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglecastiel/pseuds/mugglecastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Various works transferred from my tumblr.<br/>Trigger warnings in notes before a chapter. Descriptions in notes as well.<br/>All in chronological order. Will be added to as new ones are posted. </p><p>Examples: raven!neil. andreil + fighting. baby foxes + andreil. nicky/erik + germany.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> andrew minyard + sleeptalking

k but andrew is a sleep talker and u can fight me on this? neil finds out when hes not dead tired or distracted by thoughts and they sleep in the same bed ok

\- “are you sure” “i said yes, didnt i?” “….i guess.”  
\- the bed just looks so small. neil isnt sure if they should or if andrew will be okay with it. neil can be a pretty restless sleeper sometimes especially with nightmares  
\- andrew stares at him with hooded eyes until he gets into bed and then follows  
\- neil lays on his side, andrew on his expect for the few minutes of kissing before andrew declares hes tired in as many words and rolls off neil to go to sleep  
\- neil stays awake for a while just staring at the ceiling of the apartment andrew recently bought and moved into, the ceiling of andrews bedroom, feeling the weight of andrews mouth on his (because neils does that. a lot. a lot more than is probably healthy)  
\- it starts with a soft “neil”  
\- neil turns his head at the sound of andrews voice but andrew still has his back to him so he must be awake and know neil is too  
\- “what?” neil says knowing he sounds a little petulant but hey. he can stay up if he wants even though he should probably sleep  
\- andrew just says his name again  
\- that makes neil frown  
\- he considers reaching out and touching andrew but he knows that would spell something horrible in his future so he doesnt but he does ask “what?” again  
\- “get back here.”  
\- confusion for a few seconds before andrew rolls onto his back and neil sees his eyes closed, sees his chest rising and falling calmly.  
\- realization dawns as a smile on his face and he continues staring up at the ceiling, but replies to andrew anyway “im right here”  
\- “idiot. you’ll drown. get back here”  
\- neil considers for a second before replying with a petulant “no i wont”  
\- “get the fuck back here now”  
\- neils looks over at the angry tone of andrews voice, and in the dark he can just make out the crease between andrews eyebrows  
\- “fine. i’m fine” neil says, wanting to quell andrews anger. he deals with it enough during the day and so far it seems the dream is following the dialogue so why not  
\- “no one likes a liar.”  
\- “you do.”  
\- “239%.”  
\- neil has been watching andrews face this entire time. the anger had subsided into the usual bored expression, but when neil replied with a small “you hate me a lot,” talking more to himself than andrew, he realized there was something new there  
\- a small smile  
\- andrew was smiling.  
\- smiling. at something neil said it seemed  
\- “every inch of you” andrew mumbles, and he doesnt reveal much more after that  
\- (not that neil notices. hes too deep in thoughts about the entire thing to keep track of it and he falls asleep thinking about it)  
\- the next night the same thing happens  
\- he sees andrew smile again and thinks about how it suits him  
\- this genuine smile as opposed to the manic drugged up grin andrew sported when they met  
\- its a lot better. smaller. more andrew than anything  
\- the percentage raises again that night to 245% when neil says he wishes andrew would smile more without thinking  
\- this continues for a few nights. not consecutive but occasionally  
\- one morning neil is still sleepy and is trying to rub the stickiness from his eyes as he wanders into the kitchenette and andrew is watching him from the table  
\- “yes or no” neil yawns  
\- “yes”  
\- they kiss a little  
\- andrew continues to stare at neil as he pours himself coffee and leans against the counter  
\- “your breath stinks” andrew says after a bit  
\- “well you talk in your sleep” neil shoots back, meaning to be joking about it but andrew freezes with his eyes on the mug in his hands  
\- its a few seconds before andrew lowers the mug again with forced composure and neil is tense all over because he can see the new tension in andrews shoulders  
\- “have you always talked in your sleep” “truth for a truth” “i dont have one” “sucks for you”  
\- neil thinks of something later on in the day and waits until hes back at andrews and theyre sitting on the couch not watching the movie on the television to say it  
\- “i used to sleep walk when i lived in baltimore”  
\- andrew just looks at him  
\- “it wasnt pretty sometimes. some of these scars are punishments.”  
\- andrew is still silent and just staring at neil, though his eyes dropped to neils torso for half a second  
\- “have you always talked in your sleep”  
\- “…yes”  
\- “care to elaborate?”  
\- “no. 239%”  
\- “actually it’s 245%” andrew’s eyes look a little mad but neil betrays his survival instinct and smiles “246% if you’re raising it that little.”  
\- “290%”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andreil + sex dreams. nsfw

yo okay so like  
some cred to [@andrcwsneil](https://tmblr.co/meZo9xUv-8mEHnwocp74T8w) bc i got stuck and she helped thank u sm mia my son

  * basically it starts w andrew ok
  * it can be either a) when they’re together or b) when they’re not but imo it’s best when they’re a) together
  * neil probs has the first one and he’s really nervous and jumpy when it comes to andrew in the morning
  * he dreamt about andrew in _quite_ the position with him last night and it’s just playing on loop in his mind he cant stop thinking about his mouth on andrew mouth ~~and neck and chest and stomach and even lower than that~~ and it’s killing him 
  * andrew can tell something is up and he just thinks its a bad day
  * but nope. nope quite the opposite for neil he wants andrew to touch him more than ever but why is andrew abstaining from that n o w why is he being so distant now 
  * and so neil is trying to get andrew to touch him he’s constantly asking “yes or no” and andrew is saying yes but not advancing it like usual
  * so neil thinks its a bad day for andrew


  * its just a mess for neil’s morning after the sex dreams ok poor kid cant catch a break until he just outright keeps asking “yes or no” even while they’re making out on the couch (see also: whispers against lips, fingers around dicks)
  * but andrew’s sex dreams go a little differently
  * first one, neil wasn’t sleeping in the bed with andrew so he doesn’t know the extent or the reason behind andrew’s vengance at practice this morning (andrew aimed almost every ball at neil at what should be classified as hyperspeed, hit him a lot in the shins and tripped him up a few times)  
  * neil apologized that morning on the roof too and they “made out” for a while and came back downstairs looking a little ruffled (lbr they have roof sex all the time, just hj and bj stuff)
  * but the next one? neil is asleep next to andrew
  * neil is asleep and he’s a light sleeper tbh
  * andrew has trouble falling asleep with neil’s weight in his bed still but he can and does sometimes still, and this is one of those times where andrew is sleeping really deeply
  * [im standing by my earlier statement of andrew sleep talking for this hc](http://neilsexy.tumblr.com/post/146019173528/k-but-andrew-is-a-sleep-talker-and-u-can-fight-me)
  * anyway, andrew is sleeping heavily and neil is sleeping super lightly this one night
  * at least until andrew starts making noise
  * neil wakes up poised for action ~~my poor fucked up son~~
  * he’s ready to reach for andrew’s armbands on the bedside table and for their phones and grab shoes by the door if he needs to make a quick get away and he knows he’d have to wake andrew up and he’s already calculating the best way to do so without having actually moved an inch yet
  * then he realizes something
  * _the sounds are coming from andrew_
  * he shifts to turn his head to see whats going on and why
  * and andrew’s face is screwed up and he’s groaning and all neil can think is “ _bad dreams he’s having bad dreams i hate when he does i wish i could help him i want to help him_ ”
  * he realizes he’s reaching out and stops himself because god knows that wont help
  * then andrew grinds out, between clenched teeth, what seems to be a “josten” (or an “abram” or a “neil”, depends on which u prefer)
  * and neil calms down a little like “ _ok he’s just dreaming of murdering me or smth thats better than nightmares of that ok thats ok_ ”
  * meanwhile, andrew minyard is having a wet dream about neil josten and poor kid is literally right next to him and doesnt realize what it is
  * at least not until the morning
  * andrew’s tense and neil takes that as “ok it was a bad dream” as he yawns and pours himself coffee and tries to ignore the sweat running down his neck and cooling as it does (he hasnt slept yet, he went on a run while andrew was still asleep)
  * “yes or no” -andrew
  * “…yes” -neil, thinking it’s a little weird andrew wants to touch him right now, since normally it’s not the case when he’s so tense
  * so andrew starts kissing him right against the counter and its one of those kisses that destroys the rest of the world and neil’s already kind of shaky legs (he ran for like 3 hours just for the sake of it) become even shakier and andrew puts neil’s hands on his shoulders and then doesnt care when neil moves them
  * neil is so confused because andrew cant take his hands off him right now and god that’s odd when hes so tense? why was he so tense? did he think neil ran away?
  * but after the sex (they’d migrated to the bedroom to save kevin or nicky from walking in on them, per neil’s insistence) theyre laying there and neil is like half asleep now in his post-coital bliss
  * andrew is smoking by the bedroom window
  * neil leans up on his elbows and watches and then blurts out
  * “why were u all over me?” 
  * “that’s called sex, josten.” 
  * “u know what i mean.” 
  * andrew huffs and takes another drag and exhales his answer, figuring its not something he should be ashamed of or make any effort to hide
  * “i had a dream about u. wanted to act it out.” 
  * it takes a second to sink in but when it does neil thinks he’s dreaming because holy shit andrew minyard had a sex dream about him, about neil josten, holy shit
  * when will neil ever be over andrew liking him
  * they’ll get married or move in together and neil will be like “r u sure u actually like me tho,,,,,”
  * anyway sorry
  * “tell me more,” neil insists and he leans back and closes his eyes
  * andrew stares at him but allows himself to divulge a few details
  * neil is laying there, looking like he just fell asleep to a bedtime story of andrew’s kinks
  * when andrew stops neil smiles and nods once and says “we can make that happen”
  * andrew almost drops his cigarette on the carpet at that
  * “pack kevin a bag while i get some sleep. the rest of the weekend is ours, i’ll go get stuff when i wake up” 
  * “we have a house” 
  * “oh yeah. even better, we can be as loud as we want. should i get dressed now and sleep in the car?” 
  * “….go the fuck to sleep, josten. ur delusional.” 
  * “wake me up in an hour.” 
  * (but that weekend is another thing my dudes)
  * this got rlly long
  * im sorry but im also so not




	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andreil + dialogue prompt

**_ANDREIL + #88 (”I vote today to be a pajama day.”)_ **

When Neil wakes up, Andrew is still asleep.

It’s a rare occurrence, but it’s happened often enough now that he knows how to deal with it. It’s not hard to do. He just has to slide out of bed as smoothly as possible, and be as quiet as he can be until he’s out of the bedroom. A practiced move, ten steps, a hand on the door until it’s completely shut, and he’ll be free to yawn and groan about being awake so early when he could be sleeping.

It’s not hard to do, but he doesn’t really feel like doing it right now.

 _Five more minutes,_ he tells himself, watching Andrew with hazy vision. _Five more and then I’ll get up._

Five more minutes at six in the morning turns into five more minutes at eight as well. Andrew’s been asleep the entire time.

_This time I mean it. Five more._

Neil can’t help it. He just likes the way the sun coming in through the bottom of the blinds lands perfectly across Andrew’s hair, turning it golden.

He’s just closing his eyes in spite of his promise to himself when Andrew speaks.

 

“I thought I told you not to look at me like that.”

Neil opens them again. Andrew is staring at him, eyes half closed. He looks bored, as usual, but Neil can see the glint of amusement in his eyes. It’s something he’s grown accustomed to looking for over the past two years. A smile breaks out on his face despite him telling it not to. He tries to bury it in the pillow along with the unwelcome heat in his cheeks.

A finger pressed under his chin makes him tilt his head back up so Andrew can see him. There are curls brushing against his cheeks and falling into his eyes, and faintly he thinks he needs a haircut, but that thought goes away when Andrew mumbles, “Yes or no?”

“Yes.” Neil’s response is softer than he meant it to be. It’s barely a whisper. Andrew stares at him a moment, then curls his hand around Neil’s jaw and leans forward to kiss him.

_I’ll never be over this._

The lazy kissing turns into something more, but that something more is fought off when their stomachs rumble in protest at the same time.

Food takes precedence and Andrew climbs off Neil, pulling him out of the bed in almost the same move. He hasn’t let go of his hand yet, and it doesn’t seem like he’s planning on it at all until they get to the kitchen. They pad out of the bedroom and into the dorm kitchen, where Andrew rummages through the cabinets looking for something to eat and Neil starts brewing coffee for them both.

“Do we have anything to do today?” he asks, pouring water into the back of the machine. He really means “Do you or I have anything to do?”, but Andrew knows that.

“No.” Andrew snaps off a piece of a chocolate bar from his stash below the sink and sticks it in his mouth, then offers another piece of it to Neil. Neil takes it, bites off the corner of it. Last time, Andrew tried to give him some abomination with chocolate and chipotle pepper in it. He’s learned his lesson since then. Luckily, this one is only chocolate. No hidden surprises.

There’s a moment of comfortable silence before either of them speaks again. “So, what should we do?”

Andrew swallows another piece of chocolate before answering and leaving the room. “I vote today to be a pajama day,” he says, accompanied by the snap of the chocolate bar breaking.

Neil can’t help it. He smiles. “Andrew Minyard saying ‘pajama day’?”

“Shut up,” Andrew snaps back around a mouthful. The only way Neil knows where he went is the crunch of a beanbag.

It only takes a few minutes before Neil is sitting down on the floor next to Andrew and holding out a mug of coffee loaded with so much sugar Kevin would cry if he knew.

“Yes, it’s loaded with sugar,” Neil says when Andrew eyes it cautiously. “You act like I haven’t met you.”

Andrew takes it, lifts it to his lips, and takes a sip. His eyes are locked on Neil’s the entire time, daring him to admit he didn’t put any in at all. He lowers it again, licks his lips, and mutters, “300%,” over the rim as he takes another drink.

“By the way, I second your vote.”

“301%.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andreil + dialogue prompt

**_ANDREIL + #67 (“It’s you, it’s always been you.”)_ **

“He’s doing it again,” Nicky groaned. “Make him stop, Neil.”

“You know as well as I do he can’t do that,” Erik replied, looking amused at Nicky’s whiny tone. “You’re stuck.”

“You’re evil! Evil Klose should be your name! Evil, evil Erik Klose!”

Neil watched them with a smile, then looked back down at his textbook again. He tapped his pencil against the page, trying his hardest to lose himself in the problems on the page, but it was impossible with Nicky laughing behind him and the sound of the shower running in the other room.

It had only been a few weeks since the season ended, and Nicky and Erik flew in for both Andrew and Neil’s last games of the season, then decided to stay for an extra month. Honestly, Neil hadn’t been surprised when they’d announced their extended trip. Nicky had arrived looking happier than ever, and with Erik by his side in his home, with his teammates, he’d been just about as bright as the sun. It was a beautiful thing to bear witness to and Neil knew it.

Faintly, Neil thought about how he only ever seemed to make Andrew darker, angrier, more possessive.

He slammed his textbook closed, frowned at the exaggerated anger in the action, then turned around to face Nicky and Erik, who had finally stopped the impromptu wrestling for the remote and settled on a movie Nicky had most definitely seen a million times by now.

“Either of you want water?” Neil asked as he stood up, heading toward the kitchen before getting an answer.

He had filled a glass from the tap, drained half of it, and refilled it before Nicky came into the room. Neil’s fingers tightened on the glass. Nicky must have sensed whatever was going on with Neil. This sudden anger wasn’t like Neil and Nicky knew that.

This sudden anger made him feel like Nathaniel, not Neil.

_Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix._

“Neil?”

“What?”

“What’s wrong?”

_Diez, nueve, ocho, siete, seis, cinco, quatro, tres, dos, uno._

“Nothing.”

“Neil-”

“I’m fine, Nicky.”

“And that’s the surest sign that you’re not. Spill.” Nicky leaned against the counter next to Neil. He knew Neil fared better half the time when he wasn’t looking directly at whoever he was talking to. “Neil, I’m practically your best friend.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Harsh, Josten,” Nicky whispered, and Neil felt a twinge of guilt. He hadn’t meant to sound so harsh. It was supposed to be joking. Nicky was one of his friends, a member of his family.

“I just…” he paused, taking a swig of water. “You and Erik together are so- so bright. You balance each other.” His fingers tightened on the glass again, and he counted in Russian this time. “This sounds ridiculous, but I can see exactly what you meant when you told me about him in the library. You balance each other. You make the other glow.”

Neil couldn’t hear his tone, but Nicky could. His voice was soft when he slid up to sit on the counter and spoke.

“And you wish you had that?”

Neil opened his mouth, but no words left it.

The shower turned off and pipes stopped creaking in the walls.

Neil closed his mouth.

“Neil, I know your limited experiences have you lacking, but-” Nicky said, and Neil glared at him for a second. Nicky smirked at him in response, then slid from the counter. He grabbed a glass, and started to fill it from the tap as well. He leaned toward Neil so he could still be heard over the water. “Relationships are different. You saw- um-” Nicky swallowed audibly, took a deep breath, and forged on. “You saw Seth and Allison before everything. They were at each other’s throats every other day, then at them again in a different way the next. It was Hell to be around them. You never knew what would happen.

“Erik and I are different from that. We’re loving, and we’re happy and proud. I’m not saying we don’t fight. That’s impossible. We fought before we came here, actually, and it was horrible. Terrifying. It always is. The only good part of the fight is the make-up sex.” Nicky grinned wickedly, and Neil rolled his eyes. Of course he would bring that up. His expression sobered again quickly, though, when Neil spoke.

“What are you getting at?”

“Andrew’s never been like this.” Nicky admitted after a second of considering Neil. “Before the medication, he was emotionless. He barely even spoke, barely even wanted to go to work, let alone see me and Aaron. Then came the medication, and you saw what he was like. He would bounce off the walls. Say every little thing that came to mind.

“Then came rehab, and then…” Nicky sighed. “You, Neil.”

“What?” Neil asked, looking down at his glass. The question didn’t come out like a question, though. It was more of a “What.”

“He wasn’t interesting in much of anything or anyone before you came along. I figured he’d just go silent after rehab, like he’d done too much talking when he was addicted and he could make up for it by not talking anymore. But then there was you. You two work together.

“You said Erik and I balance each other. What do you think you do with Andrew? Tip him off the scales?” Nicky scoffed. “As if. You balance each other out by somehow being the same. Unreadable, mysterious, and insane, yet perfect for each other.”

Neil didn’t know what to say. He chewed on his cheek until he tasted blood, then took a drink of water to chase away the metal in his mouth. He could feel eyes on him.

He looked up, to Nicky, but found Nicky wasn’t looking at him. His eyes followed Nicky’s to the doorway, where Andrew was standing, looking at them like they weren’t just talking about him.

“You’re wasting my water,” Andrew stated, looking at Nicky for less than half a second.

“Sorry!” Nicky chirped, suddenly back to his puppy-like self, over ecstatic. “Neil distracted me. Blame him.”

“Hey-” Neil argued, looking over at Nicky, who winked and leaned in close to whisper one last thing as he grabbed another glass to fill.

“It’s you. It’s always been you.”

Neil let himself smile at the words and looked at Nicky in a- what he hoped was- grateful way. Nicky smiled back, then turned off the tap and carried both waters from the room, inching past Andrew in the doorway.

“Why are we letting them stay with us?”

“Because it’s Nicky,” Neil reminded Andrew as he approached him. “And he acts infinitely better when Erik is around.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“Because I asked?” Neil smiled, stopping just in front of Andrew. “Yes or no?”

Andrew glared at him for a moment before muttering a quick “Yes.”

Neil leaned in, his chest lighter now that he’d heard what Nicky had said. He hadn’t expected it to help, but it had. It actually had. He was Neil Josten, and he knew that because Andrew would never kiss Nathaniel like this, like he balanced out the world into something they could both handle.


	5. Chapter 5

**_ANDREIL + #59 (”Don’t yell at me!”)_ **

**_+_ **

**_ANDREIL + #30 (”Did you do this on purpose?”)  
_**  
 ****“Did you do this on purpose?” Andrew snapped, grabbing Neil’s hand and spreading out his palm. The burn pulled when he did, and Neil winced.

 It was better not to reply.

He actually didn’t know the answer himself.

“The fuck, Abram?” Andrew hissed, dropping his hand. “Thought you were smarter than that. Stronger than that.” 

 Neil shrugged. 

 He hadn’t even thought until it was done. 

 **  
**He’d been adjusting the fire on the beach while everyone else was in the water or the bathroom. The light had gotten low. He’d wanted it to still be going when everyone came back, so he’d gone to add more fire to it and move logs around. He’d succeeded up until the moving part, when his hand came close to a flame and he had suddenly heard Lola’s voice, seen her face-splitting grin, felt the bite of her knife. **  
**

“Sit the fuck down and don’t you dare move an inch.”

Neil obeyed.

He stared at the offending flames, then down at his burnt palm. He brushed his fingers over the reddened skin and winced again. Bad idea.

The light from the flames danced across his palm, showing the source of the stinging and making him tense up.

“What’s goin’ on?” Matt asked, coming up beside Neil. He scrubbed a towel over his hair, then dropped it onto the sand and followed it. “Why’d the monster race away like that? You guys make a hot date? Trying to be inconspicuous?”

In response, Neil just held his palm closer to the light and turned it toward Matt.

“Holy shit!” Matt exclaimed when he realized what Neil was showing him. “What the fuck?! Did you do this on purpose?!”

Neil shook his head, knowing it would make Matt feel better to know that.

“How?”

“Moving logs.”

“You could have just let it die out, Neil.”

“I didn’t want it to. I like watching it.”

Matt laughed humorlessly, then patted his hand on Neil’s leg. “I’m guessing Andrew stormed off like that to get something to patch you up?”

  
“Either that or he’s pissed at me and taking it out on someone else.”

Neil looked up when he heard his name yelled. Kevin was calling him over to the cars. Of course. Too many people were around him by the fire, so Andrew would patch him up where they weren’t.

“Let me know how it goes!” Matt shouted after him, and Neil smiled over his shoulder as he did.

When Neil reached Andrew, Andrew held out his hand from his seat half-in-half-out of the passenger seat. The glove compartment of the car was open, showing off what could be a complete first-aid kit.

“Why didn’t I know that was there?” Neil asked as Andrew squeezed something cold onto his hand.

He didn’t get a reply.

“Right,” he whispered, choosing instead to watch Andrew’s hands work around his hand. It took until Andrew was almost done for Neil to work up the courage to utter, “It wasn’t my fault.”

“Sure.”

“It wasn’t. My hand slipped.”

Andrew looked up at him, his jaw tight, then looked back down at his hand as he finished up bandaging it. “No one likes a liar.”

“You do.”

“No, I don’t.”

Neil bit his cheek, willing himself not to reply to that. He wanted to so badly. It wasn’t like letting Andrew have the last word was har-

It was so hard to do. Neil couldn’t keep quiet. “Then why are you doing this?”

“Seriously?” Andrew asked, going still. He was still looking at Neil’s hand when he continued. “You are a fucking dumbass.”

“Don’t yell at me!” Neil snapped back, yanking his hand away.

“I’m not. I’m just stating the obvious.”

“In the worst way possible.”

“Tends to be my forte.” Andrew continued staring down, then slowly raised his head to look Neil in the eye. “Tell me the truth, Josten.”

Neil bit so hard into his cheek he could taste blood. His words were metallic when he reluctantly let them out. “I don’t know if it was on purpose or not.”

“What does that mean?”

“The heat was close to my arm and I thought of-” he stopped, shutting his eyes tight, then continued. “And then next thing I knew, my hand was stinging.”

“Dumbass,” Andrew repeated, but there wasn’t anymore venom dripping from the words. “You do that again and I’m not patching it up.” _Be careful._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw mention

**_ANDREIL + #8 (“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”)_ **

“Where were you?” are the first words out of Andrew’s mouth when Neil opens the door.

“Matt needed help planning Dan’s party,” Neil explained, dropping his bag by his desk. “It’s next weekend and he just started freaking out about it.”

“A new record,” Andrew replied, but something was different about his voice. Neil frowned and dropped himself onto the couch just shy of Andrew’s sock-covered toes. “Why couldn’t Nicky help him?”

“He tried. It got out of hand.” Neil smiled thinking about it, leaning his elbow on the arm of the couch and resting his cheek on his hand. “Nicky tried to get Matt to change the alcohol to Hennesy. It wasn’t pretty. I was lucky I showed up when I did, or Nicky’s joke might have resulted in him headless.”

“Pity.”

That thing was still in Andrew’s voice. It seemed weird and misplaced, like Andrew was trying to hide it but couldn’t.

Neil’s eyes narrowed as he looked at him. What could it be? Normally Andrew was a good enough liar to get past Neil, but this wasn’t right.

“Yes or no?” he asked, wanting to get rid of the thing in Andrew’s tone.

It took a second for Andrew to say yes.

When he did, Neil took the book from his hands and set it on the floor. He knelt on the ground and kissed him slowly, like he could taste the problem and decipher it through Andrew’s mouth.

While they kissed, Neil worked it out.

“You’re jealous, aren’t you?” he whispered against Andrew’s neck. “You’re jealous.”

“No, I’m not.” Andrew hissed, his fingers curling in Neil’s hair. “Shut up.”

“You’re jealous of Matt,” Neil mumbled, smirking against Andrew’s skin. “Matt Boyd makes you jealous. I’ve been spending more time with him lately than I have with you, and you’re jealous.”

“I fucking hate you. I wish he would spend more time with you so I don’t have to.” Andrew pulled at Neil’s hair again. “Now get back to what you were doing.”

“Maybe I should tell Matt I can go to that new restaurant with him this weekend, then…” Neil mused, leaning in to graze his teeth against Andrew’s jaw. He smiled at the shiver it received, and leaned in to press his lips to a mark that had just started healing on Andrew’s neck.  

“No.”

Neil stopped, pulling away as soon as Andrew said it.

Andrew glared at him and grabbed Neil’s chin to kiss him again. “Not that, Abram. No to Boyd.”

Neil hummed against Andrew’s lips, his lips curling into a smirk again. “Mm?”

Andrew bit his lip in warning and grumbled, “That’s my weekend.”

“So, there are weekends now?”

“Shut up.”

“Make me,” Neil chuckled. He let Andrew shove him to the floor and climb on top of him. Deft fingers unfastened the button on Neil’s jeans and he tugged gently at Andrew’s hair.

“287%,” Andrew growled, swallowing Neil’s gasp in a kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

**_ANDREIL + #98 (“All nighter, you and me. First one to fall asleep buys the other dinner.”)_   
**

“All nighter, you and me,” Andrew stated, eyes on Neil. He took the cigarette from his mouth and pushed it against the ledge next to him to put it out. He flicked it off the roof, then lit another one. “First one to fall asleep buys the other dinner tomorrow.”

“Deal.” Neil smiled, looking down at the cigarette in his own fingers. He sighed, watched the smoke blow away, and then turned to Andrew. He watched him smoke cigarette after cigarette as his own burned out in his hand.

“Let’s drive,” Neil suggested as Andrew came to the last cigarette in the pack. “Go out. Get more cigarettes, find something to do.”   
Andrew lit his cigarette, took a drag, and slid to his feet. Neil followed after him, pausing only outside of the room while Andrew was grabbing his keys. Andrew slid into the driver’s seat. He waited to start the car until Neil was in the passenger seat, and when he did he snapped his fingers at Neil.

“What?”

“Music. Choose something. I don’t care what.”

So Neil did. He set it to the first radio station that played a song he knew, glanced over at Andrew for confirmation that the station was okay, then opened his mouth to ask a question.

“Yes,” Andrew said before he even started, holding his free hand over to Neil. A smile slid across his lips as he took the outstretched hand, lacing their fingers together. “And yes, you can roll down the window.”

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Neil replied, pressing the button to roll the window down all the way.

“It’s probably because I’m going to win.”

“And he’s not denying the good mood? Are you Aaron?”

“Ha-ha.”

Neil grinned, his eyes on Andrew. One would think he’d be used to this by now- used to the way Andrew looked with his hair blowing around wildly because of the wind coming in through Neil’s window, used to the way he looked in the blue light from the dashboard lights- but he never will be. It’s a stupid, sap-filled thought and he knows it, but he doesn’t care enough to squash it.

“I thought I told you not to look at me like that.”

“I’m not.”

“No one likes a liar.”

“You d-”

“Don’t say it.”

Neil closes his mouth again. He opens it a few seconds later when the song changes, then closes it again, choosing instead to look out the open window and focus on the heat of Andrew’s hand in his. He inhaled deeply, leaning his head back on the seat.

Next thing he knew, he was being woken by music much, much louder than it had been when he’d fallen asleep… _Fallen asleep. Shit._

“Told you I’d win,” Andrew said simply after turning down the radio. “You have to buy dinner tomorrow.”

Neil groaned in mock anger, rolling his eyes. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

Andrew didn’t answer. He only squeezed Neil’s hand once, then slid out of the car to head inside and buy his cigarettes.

_christ i am so sorry this took so long for some reason this one was hard to do??? but hey_

also, here’s a little bonus in tumblr hc form to make up for the time it took:

  * the next night andrew lifts his keys so neil can see them and know its time to go
  * neil follows him out to the car with money in his pocket and hes really kind of amused because?? its andrew??? usually if they go anywhere its to the dining hall or to sweeties or some fast food place 
  * they get in the car and andrew drives all the way to columbia
  * (he doesnt let neil roll down his window this time ~~(sorry neil)~~ )
  * anyway they drive all the way to columbia
  * andrew finally stops and neil slides out of the car like “????”
  * its a fuckin candy shop
  * this giant candy shop
  * neil looks over at andrew, who is just staring at him like he’s daring him to say no and get back in the car
  * neil shrugs and follows andrew inside
  * andrew buys like… a bag of everything in the shop that isnt sour or bitter and neil is content to let him do so
  * he actually likes candy just about as much as andrew does he just doesnt eat it often
  * ~~_andrew throws in a bag of sour gummi worms for renee but lets not talk about that_~~
  * the cashiers look at them like theyre insane, these two small guys walking up with their arms full of candy
  * neil pays for it all and the second cashier looks over when her coworker is still ringing up everything and shes like “holy shit theyre foxes”
  * neil is glad to talk to her and andrew just stands there staring at them talking
  * “so why are u buying all this?? dont u guys have a diet or something????” - fox fan cashier
  * “yeah but i lost a bet” - neil
  * “oh so u have to buy candy for the whole team???” - fox fan cashier
  * “no i just had to buy dinner” - neil
  * “so it’s a prank”
  * “no? not unless andrew’s pranking me-”
  * “i’m not” - andrew, finally piping up
  * “-which he’s not so”
  * “wait this is ur dinner. ur buying dinner. of like… $100 of candy.”
  * “yeah i guess so”
  * after that awkward exchange they carry the candy back to the car and drive back home, andrew eating some of the candy while he drives, neil joining him
  * theyre just talking and neil keeps laughing because he cant stop imagining the looks on the teams faces when they walk in again if anyone sees them
  * the only person who sees them in the hall is the poor unfortunate kevin day, diet extraordinaire,
  * and on his face in the second he sees them are about 30 emotions at once
  * “what the hell” he chokes out, then he says it louder, over and over as they walk by
  * the upperclassmen open their doors like “???? whats going on”
  * when they see neil with his arms full of bags of candy they all just shut the door because they know whats coming
  * whats coming is kevin, storming after andrew and neil into their dorm and throwing a fit
  * “how did u even get this much candy! how could u let him buy this much neil! i thought u were better than that! what the hell!” 
  * eventually kevin just breaks down into tears because its his dietary restrictions ruined when andrew and neil both split a giant chocolate bar right in front of him
  * neil has never been more happy about losing a bet




	8. Chapter 8

**_ANDREIL + #120 (“Your hair is so soft…”)_ **

“I’m drunk,” Neil states joyfully, a grin on his face.

It’s met with a loud whoop from Matt, who raises the bottle in his hand before pouring Neil another shot. Neil takes the shot and knocks it back, then leans against Nicky, who is beside him and has been all night. Nicky’s arm wraps around him and Neil grins wider.

Neil slides his arm around Nicky’s waist as well, then holds his other arm out to Matt. Matt takes his hand and shakes it firmly, introducing himself as though they were going through the handshakes at the end of a game and making Neil laugh again. “Matt Boyd, Professional Exy Player. Here to beat your ass to the groun- Oh, wait,” he says, with the most serious look possible on his face, “we already did that!”

“Damn right!” Nicky shouts, lifting his glass to Matt in cheers. Neil does the same with his empty glass, whooping. The whoop dissolves into more laughter when Matt lifts the bottle and fills both glasses to the rim with whisky, then takes a swig directly from it.

The music booming from the speakers behind them almost drowns out their laughter as they continue talking, but no one can argue against it. They all met up at Matt and Dan’s house after watching Matt’s first professional game of the season, now a tradition, which Matt’s team had won. The Foxes had all gathered around to drink and celebrate with Matt and his team, but the team had long since left, so it was only Foxes left. Neil had deemed it safe enough to drink more than two drinks after that, and that had been two hours ago. Two hours since he’d left Andrew’s side to talk to Matt, an hour and a half since Nicky had wandered up to join the conversation…

Andrew. Where is Andrew?

Neil turns around to scope the small crowd in the basement of the house, but he doesn’t see any small blondes looking angry. At least, not without a girl hanging off their arm. He turns around again to find Nicky and Matt talking, but he doesn’t have enough control over himself right now to wait for them to finish. He blurts out, “Where’d Andrew go?”

Matt just glances around the basement and shrugs, and Nicky doesn’t even look. Neil frowns, pulling his arm away from Nicky’s waist. “I think he went upstairs,” Nicky slurs after a moment, looking at Neil. I saw him walk past you a little bit ago.”

“Neil,” Matt asks, and Neil looks up at him. Matt looks confused, though, and that’s not always the best sign. The next words out of Matt’s mouth are going to be “What do you see in him?”, and Neil is sure of it. But they’re not. Instead, Matt just says, “What’s that?” and gestures to Neil’s hand.

Neil looks down, and a grin breaks out on his face again. “My ring,” he says simply, looking down at it fondly. He reaches back and unclasps the chain around his neck, pooling it in his hand with the ring. He lets Nicky pick the ring up, but loops the chain around his own finger so it won’t fall and get lost. “Andrew got it for me. Gave it to me when we got married.”

“Married?!” Nicky wails, dropping the ring just how Neil knew he would. “Why didn’t I know- Oh my God- You’re married-”

Neil frowns at Nicky’s freak out, then looks up at Matt, who claps him on the shoulder as he pulls the ring and chain back into the center of his palm. “Congrats, Neil,” Matt laughs, beaming like Dan just told him she would marry him. (Neil remembers the day that happened, and this smile really isn’t all that different from then.) “Dan, come look at this!”

He just shrugs though, ignoring the shout, sliding the ring onto his finger and off again. “It was just for tax refunds and so if we got injured we could see the other in the hospital and know what was going on.”

“Married,” Nicky hisses under his breath, watching the ring on Neil’s finger.

“Practical,” Matt agrees, nodding approvingly.

“Why’d you call me over? Did Neil hurt himself again? Comparing dicks?”

“Neil has something he hasn’t told us until now,” Matt tells Dan, sliding his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close.

Dan is frowning at Nicky, though. “No comment on the dick thing?”

“Married,” Nicky hisses again.

“The fuck?” Dan laughs, but that’s cut short when she notices Neil’s movements. “Holy hell, Josten! Is that a ring?!”

The talking on the other side of the room stops at Dan’s shout.

“What does it look like?” Neil asks, smiling again.

“It looks like a ring! Are you and the monster engaged?”

“Married,” Nicky corrects, then wraps his arms around Neil in a hug. “My babies are married! They’re married, guys! Josten-Minyard children will be wreaking havoc on the world any day now!”

“Guys can’t get pregnant, Nicky!” Aaron shouts as Allison turns down the music. “Thank God for that, too. I don’t think anyone would survive.”

“Who’s saying it isn’t Minyard-Josten?” Allison chimes in, wandering her way over to the small bar and stopping right behind Neil. “Let me see it. I want to see it.”

Neil hesitates for a second before turning around and dangling the ring on the chain from one finger. Allison gets the hint and shoves one manicured nail through the center, lifting it to look at it closely.

“You’re just saying that because you bet on it being Minyard-Josten,” Nicky whines, his chin on Neil’s shoulder now. “Not fair.”

“You bet on me changing my name?”

“You say that like you don’t know us,” Dan laughs, leaning into Matt’s side.

“What did you bet?”

Dan grins at him. “Josten-Minyard.”

“And you, Matt?”

“Josten-Minyard.”

“Renee?”

“I didn’t.”

“Kevin?”

Kevin, who has been silent since he knew already about the union, says, “Josten-Minyard.”

Neil smirks and shakes his head. “All of you suck.”

“Why?” Allison asks defensively, eyeing Neil cruelly. “What is it?”

“It’s still just Josten. He’s still Minyard.”

A chorus of whining comes up and Neil laughs.

“What is this made of?” Allison asks a few seconds later, eyeing the ring again.

Neil perks up and sets down his glass again. “Keys.”

“…What?”

“Keys. Andrew got a hold of the keys I’d gotten from you guys- to your houses, to the stadiums, to the house in Columbia- and he made copies and had someone melt the originals dow-”

“Abram,” Andrew says loud enough to be heard over Neil’s rambling, and Neil stops and leans around Allison to see him in the doorway.

“Hey,” Neil chirps, “we were just talking about you.”

Andrew arches an eyebrow in silent question.

“The rings.”

Andrew hesitates on his way toward Neil, then pivots on his heel and walks out.

Neil frowns. “Oh no.”

“Go,” Allison says, dropping the ring back into Neil’s hand.

Neil nods once and gets to his feet to follow after Andrew. He finds him outside the front door with a cigarette, and he drops onto the step next to him.

“Andr-”

“Thought we didn’t tell them for a reason.”

“Why not?” Neil frowns, turning so he’s facing Andrew. He studies his profile in the moonlight. “They’re family.”

“So what?”

“So shouldn’t they know?”

“Whatever.”

Neil’s frown deepens and he shifts a little uncomfortably. It’s a few seconds before his vision starts swimming. “Yes or no?”

Andrew sighs out smoke. “Yes.”

Neil leans his head on Andrew’s shoulder, exhaling as he closes his eyes. “If it’s any consolation,” he mumbles, then lifts his head and presses lips to Andrew’s neck, “Nicky almost started crying. He didn’t say anything for at least three minutes except the word ‘married.’” He slides the ring onto his finger again as he speaks, and feels Andrew move his head to look down at it.

“Head up,” Andrew says, and Neil feels the ring slide off his finger again. He obeys, lifting his head and opening his eyes. The lit cigarette is a red dot hanging from Andrew’s lips that Neil stares at as warm fingers fasten the chain on his neck again. Andrew takes the cigarette from his lips when he’s done, and Neil leans in to kiss him without thinking about it.

It’s a little sloppy, but Neil’s a little drunk and his vision is hazy from sleepiness. Andrew shoves a finger under Neil’s chin to hold him steady and holds the cigarette a ways away from the both of them to avoid burning himself or Neil.

Eventually Neil’s fingers find their way into Andrew’s hair, but when they get there, Neil has to stop and grin against Andrew’s lips.

“What?” Andrew grumbles, trying to kiss him more.

“Your hair is so soft…” Neil mumbles. Andrew curls his arm around Neil and stubs the cigarette out on the concrete step one down from their feet. “I didn’t realize until now.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Yep.” Neil grins more, then kisses Andrew’s neck. “I could kiss you like this forever.”

“You talk too much when you’re drunk. We’re going home. Go say goodbye.”

“Okay.”


	9. Chapter 9

_**ANDREIL + #117 (“Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!”)** _

The snowball fight wasn’t planned.

The Foxes had all gathered up north in New York for winter break, staying either at Matt’s mom’s place or a hotel nearby. They did most everything together, though, and they were trekking through Central Park when it happened.

“Holy shit!” Matt shouted from somewhere behind Neil. The yell had Neil turning around immediately, but the only thing he found was Matt, thoroughly covered in snow. “Dan!”

Dan was doubled over at his side laughing, arms wrapped around her stomach. She didn’t see Matt scoop up snow, but she saw him start packing it together and became alert almost immediately. She ducked after it left his hand, but that meant it hit Allison on the shoulder, soaking her hair.

Allison looked down at her shoulder, then back up at Matt. She raised one eyebrow, and Neil knew what was going to happen then.

“I’m so sorry,” Matt claimed through his laughter, raising his gloved hands by his shoulders in surrender. “If someone hadn’t ducked- Oof!”

“It’s on, Boyd!” Allison called as the snowball hit Matt in the gut. “Let’s go!”

Neil laughed with everyone else when Dan and Allison ganged up on Matt and he called out for help. “Neil, Kevin, Nicky! Aaron! Someone! Help!”

Neil watched as Nicky scooped up snow and packed it together, calling out, “Nicky to the rescue!”

“Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!” came from somewhere on Neil’s left, from Aaron. “What the hell?!”

As soon as Neil turned, he found himself with a handful of freezing snow pressed against his cheek. He yelped and jumped back, tripping and falling on his ass when he did. He glared up at Kevin, who shrugged and dropped the snow on Neil’s chest.

“Always be prepared,” Kevin claimed, then yelled when Neil grabbed his leg and his arm and pulled him down into the snow with him.

“Always be prepared,” Neil mocked, shoving a handful of snow against Kevin’s cheek. He got to his feet to find everyone but Andrew participating.

“Andrew,” Neil called, carefully dodging Kevin’s hands as they scrambled for Neil’s pants to drag him down into the snow again.

Andrew was usually left out of things like this, off to the side and watching the rest of them act like idiots, and Neil wanted to pull him out of that. At least for one thing.

When Andrew met his eye, Neil was only a few steps from him. He continued walking as he asked, “Yes or no?”

Andrew paused so long Neil was sure he would say no. “Yes.”

Neil smiled, leaning in as if he was going to kiss Andrew. His hands lifted at the same time, bringing snow down on Andrew’s head just before their lips touched.

Andrew went completely still as Neil dropped his hands and backed away chuckling. His eyes stayed glued to Neil as he backed away, and gradually the commotion around them slowed to a halt.

“Holy shit,” Matt said. “Holy shit, Neil got the monster.”

“Run, Neil!” Nicky shouted, but Neil just came to a stop a good ten steps away from Andrew. “Why the fuck aren’t you running?”

“What reason does he have to be scared of Andrew?” Kevin asked. “Andrew’s not going to do anything to him.”

Andrew leaned down and scooped up snow in an exaggerated movement. He packed it together carefully, eyes on Neil the entire time, his mouth twitching into a frown.

A chorus of “Oooh”s rang out around Neil as the snowball was lifted, coming from everyone but Kevin, Aaron, and the two involved in the stand-off.

“Bring it,” Neil chirped, lifting his hands to his shoulders like Matt had earlier.

“Did he just say ‘Bring it,’ or am I hallucinating?” Nicky asked no one in particular. “I think I’m hallucinating. Too many snowballs to the head.”

Andrew glared at Neil for a few more seconds before launching the snowball. Neil braced himself for the impact, closing his eyes in case he’d aimed for his face, but instead of feeling the snow hit him, he heard laughter.

“What did I do?!” Kevin asked, voice a little higher pitched than normal.

Neil opened his eyes to find Kevin gasping for breath, his hands on the front of his jeans, and he covered his mouth to keep from laughing too hard. It was the last thing he’d expected.

Eventually, holding back the laughter became too much and he let it out, doubling over as he did.

His laughter soon became gasps when someone came up behind him and shoved two very, very freezing handfuls of snow up his coat and under his shirt. Neil froze, laughing a tiny bit still, as the laughter around them reached its peak. When he turned, Andrew was standing behind him, still frowning.

“Never do that again, or you won’t wake up in the morning.”


	10. Chapter 10

_**ANDREIL + #58 (“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”)** _

_**+** _

_**ANDREIL + #112 (“Do you need me to kill someone for you?”)** _

_Should I call? Is it worth calling?_

_I’m still pretty mad. Why should I be the one to call?_

He frowned down at the phone in his hand. It wasn’t like he was the one in the wrong here. He wasn’t the one who called himself Nathaniel.

He put the phone down again, stood, and then snatched it up again before walking out of the room. He shoved it into his pocket, angry that he’d grown accustomed to having it on him at all times, and slammed the dorm door behind him.

The slap of his feet against the pavement as he ran was more annoying than soothing. It made him push himself harder, trying to make it into something soothing, trying to shove the anger out and make himself into Neil Josten again, but it wasn’t working like normal. He stopped when he no longer recognized where he was, dropping himself back against a nearby tree. His legs were shaking and it was harder than usual to catch his breath around the fire in his chest.

He closed his eyes and tipped his head back against the bark of the tree.

_“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” he hissed._

_“Then why don’t you tell me, Nathaniel?” Andrew snapped back, slamming the door behind him as he left._

_The name left fire in his veins but turned his heart to ice. It wasn’t him. He wasn’t Nathaniel. It wasn’t him. **Breathe, Nathanie- Neil. Breathe.**_

His phone started ringing.

He didn’t even think before he had it flipped open and pressed to his ear.

“Why are you breathing so hard?”

His heart skipped a beat at the sound of Andrew’s voice on the other side of the line.

“Answer me.”

“Why should I?” He gasped out, running a shaking hand through his hair.

“Fucking-” Andrew’s voice dripped with poison when he bit out the word, but he either stopped himself or covered the phone’s microphone. “Get back here, Josten, before I have to hunt you down.”

There was a snap as the line cut off. He scowled at his phone for a minute before somehow managing to make his way back to his feet and continue on his run.

He didn’t head in the direction Andrew wanted him to go, though. He continued further away, more annoyed than before.

How hard was a simple “I’m sorry” supposed to be?

Or maybe an “I was wrong”?

His phone was ringing again in his pocket, but he ignored it.

Five minutes later, it rang again.

Ten minutes later, it rang a fourth time.

It was on the fifth call that he picked up again, and that was only to say, “I’ll get back when I get back. Stop calling.”

It wasn’t until dusk that he got back, and that was at least four hours after he’d left. He hadn’t run that entire time, but he felt like he could have.

When he walked into the dorm room, he was greeted with silence and darkness. No one was there, not even Kevin, which was weird. He didn’t think much of it as he showered off sweat.

He stared at himself in the mirror for a good ten minutes after the shower. The ice blue eyes looking back at him were Neil Josten’s, not Nathaniel Wesninski’s. The auburn hair on his head wasn’t Nathaniel’s. The burn marks and the slices down his cheeks were Neil’s. All of it was Neil, not Nathaniel. Nathaniel Wesninski was dead and buried and long gone; Nathaniel Wesninski had been gone for two years and he was not coming back.

His phone rang again.

“Where are you?” he asked as he pressed it to his ear.

“I should be asking you that question.” Andrew sounded bored on the other end of the line. “Get up here.” It clicked as he snapped his phone shut, hanging up on him for the second time that day.

Sighing, he ducked into the bedroom to get dressed.

He went up to the roof in socks, not wanting to bother with his shoes. If he put his shoes on, he’d want to run again, and he knew he would.

Andrew was sitting with his back to the door, but before he even closed the door Andrew was saying something. “If you were going to run, you just blew every chance you had.”

“I wasn-” he started, but stopped himself. He didn’t want to lie. “I know.”

“Get over here.”

He made his way over to the edge where Andrew was sitting, and dropped down next to him. A hand pressed against his cheek and pushed his head this way and that until Andrew was content that he hadn’t gotten hurt in the past four hours.

“Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

He did the same to Andrew, a little gentler with his touch, and wasn’t shocked to find nothing. He knew better, though, and held a hand out toward Andrew’s. When Andrew put his hand in his grip, he twisted it around to find bruised and bloodied knuckles.

“Who’d you beat up?” he asked in good-nature, gently brushing a thumb across a line of dried blood. It flaked and stuck to his thumb, so he wiped it off on his sweatpants. Luckily for him, he wasn’t expecting an actual answer. “Do you need me to kill someone for you?”

“Only yourself,” Andrew replied, and he winced. “But save that for later. I don’t want to be charged with your death.”

“I’ll remember that.”

They were silent for a moment. Andrew flicked his cigarette from his fingers, over the side of the roof. Andrew turned to face him, and when he did, he lifted his hand in a silent question.

He just nodded, closing his eyes and waiting for the sting of a hand meeting his cheek.

Lips pressed against his, shoving him back until he was laying down on the cold surface, one hand on his neck. Those lips tore at his and he tore back, his fingers sliding into Andrew’s hair when Andrew’s free hand pulled them up to the back of his head.

Everything he’d wanted to hear was buried in the kiss and he could taste it. He could taste the “I’m sorry,” the “I was wrong,” the “You are Neil Josten,” on Andrew’s lips and Andrew’s tongue, and it was infinitely better than hearing it.

Andrew raised the percentage, but Neil didn’t hear how high over his thoughts as he dragged his lips against Andrew’s neck. This time, the sound of Andrew’s voice didn’t make his heart skip a beat or ice break out in his chest, and the burn it left in his veins felt right.


	11. Chapter 11

_**ANDREIL + #152 (“So I might be in a hospital right now…”)** _

Neil’s head was foggy from the anesthesia they’d given him, but the first thing to come forward when he entered the post-anesthesia care unit was the practice he was missing.

It was quickly followed by the fact that the emergency of his surgery meant Andrew had no idea. That wasn’t good.

“Not good,” he mumbled, staring at the white ceiling and thinking about the last time he’d been in a hospital and Andrew hadn’t been able to contact him.

“What’s not good, honey?” a voice asked at his side, and his eyes darted to her immediately. She had a sweet smile that made him feel sick. It reminded him of Dobson.

“I need to contact Andrew,” he told her. “He’ll kill someone.”

“I can contact Andrew for you if you’ll give me his phone number,” she replied, writing something down and simultaneously turning his arm over to check his pulse against his wrist.

Neil considered, watching her pink nails on his wrist. “He’ll need to hear me.”

Her voice was sickly sweet when she turned that smile back on him and pulled a cell phone from her pocket. She must have figured out who he was and why he’d need that in the time he’d been in surgery. At least, that’s what Neil’s brain told him. It was likely they did this for everyone, just so the patients knew the nurses weren’t lying.

“Phone number?”

Neil reluctantly told her, even through the haze in his mind reciting from memory Andrew’s number.

The nurse waited for the phone to be answered, pressing it to her ear, then held it out to Neil. She held it against his ear for him, even though he had his hand on it already.

“Who is this?”

Andrew’s voice was angry. It made Neil smile. His eyes closed and he tried to breathe through the butterflies erupting in his stomach.

“You have ten seconds before I hang up.”

“Andrew.”

His voice softened into boredom. “Why aren’t you calling on your phone?”

“Funny story. First, though, aren’t you in practice right now?”

“It just ended. Answer my question.”

Neil laughed a little, knowing very well Andrew was lying. His practice wasn’t over. Neil knew his schedule by heart, just as Andrew knew his. It was something they did, just so they would be able to talk while being on separate teams and to keep track of the other through the day.

“Who are you talking to?”

More laughter from Neil. He winced when he laughed too hard, cutting it off abruptly. There was a rustle over the line that Neil knew was Andrew tightening his grip on the phone.

“So I might be in a hospital right now,” Neil explained finally, gripping the phone tight when the nurse looked over his stitches. He heard a faint gasp of breath when she saw the other scars scattered across his abdomen.

“Explain,” Andrew growled. His hand tightened on the phone again. Neil swore he heard a crack. “Now.”

“I was at practice and Johnson hit me,” Neil started. As he said it he realized how it sounded. “It’s not his fault. Don’t kill him. Thank him. Remember how I’ve been talking about my pain lately?”

Andrew stayed silent, and Neil’s smile only grew. Damn drugs, making the most insufferable parts of Andrew something nice.

“Well, it was appendicitis.”

“Of course it was.”

“Why don’t you sound surprised?”

“I told you Aaron said it was.”

“When?”

“On the phone last fucking night.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“You were too busy complaining to hear it. Go back to your fucking recovery, Josten.”

There was a click as Andrew hung up.

“Everything okay, dear?” the nurse asked, taking the phone back. She’d watched Neil through most of the call. “You’re smiling awful big.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

—

“Y-You have to wait-” the nurse said after her yelp that woke Neil up suddenly. Instinctually, he kept his eyes closed. “Sir, I- Visitation isn’t open yet-”

“Shut up.”

The woman stooped down to pick up the clipboard she’d dropped. She clipped it to the end of Neil’s bed again.

When she’d situated herself at the door to wait for the security she’d called, Neil opened his eyes.

Andrew was standing at the side of his bed, glaring down at Neil.

Neil smiled sleepily despite himself, reaching one hand out toward Andrew. Andrew stared down at it for a second, then brushed his fingers against Neil’s. They continued down Neil’s arm, then moved to hover over the shirt Neil had someone from the team bring him last night. The blankets the nurses had put on him had migrated down through the night, so there was a small strip of skin visible between his sweatpants and the shirt.

“Yeah,” Neil whispered, voice rough from sleep. “Careful. They’ll get mad.”

He winced a little when Andrew tugged at the tape holding the bandage to Neil’s skin. It pulled at the stitches coming off, but Andrew only pulled it off halfway. His fingers probed the area around the incision, up until Neil winced at the pain and grabbed his wrist to make him stop.

“Lost your tolerance, Abram,” Andrew muttered, looking back to Neil’s eyes.

“Not willingly.” He gently squeezed his fingers on Andrew’s wrist, then dropped his hand back to the bed. “I missed you.”

He swore he saw Andrew’s lips twitch upwards, but it was so fleeting he couldn’t be sure. “It’s the drugs they put you on. They make you insane.”

Neil smiled again. His eyes dropped closed again for a few seconds. He opened them slowly, still a little sleepy. He felt Andrew placing the bandage back down, patting more carefully than most would think he could.

“Pass out, Josten. That way you’ll heal quicker and I can get out of here faster.”

“Come back during visiting hours.”


	12. Chapter 12

**_ANDREIL + #113 (“I’m gonna lay down and die for like half hour okay?”)_ **

Practice was hell the day before what could be the last game the upperclassmen would play with everyone else. They’d been pushed harder than ever before, harder than they had been with new faces, harder than when they’d been going up against the Ravens again. Neil’s legs were tired, his arms deadweight to him. It was a miracle he could even get the dorm door open.

Andrew trailed behind him, Kevin not far behind. Kevin had continued to rant about how they weren’t ready to take on USC tomorrow night the entire way home, and he was still continuing on when he shut the door behind him.

Neil turned around, eyes closed, jaw tight, and spoke through his teeth. “If you do not shut the fuck up, Kevin, I swear I will make sure you don’t play them tomorrow at all. That way, you’ll be saved of the humiliation you seem so sure this team will face after working this hard to get here again. After working harder than they did last year even. Isn’t that what you want? To not have to play ‘an awful excuse for exy’ on the same court as the team you’ve trained with for years now?”

Kevin’s silence told Neil what he’d expected.

“I’m gonna lay down and die for like half an hour, okay? Maybe more.” Neil didn’t spare another look at either of his roommates. He vanished into the bedroom to fall onto the first bed he encountered.

When he woke up, he heard the television going in the other room. The lights were still out in the bedroom, rendering it completely dark. Neil didn’t feel anyone in the bed with him or hear any breathing aside from his own, meaning he was completely alone still.

He allowed himself to panic.

He sat up, raking his fingers through his hair. His breathing went from even to ragged and shallow.

Kevin was right. Even though they’d been playing with these players for the entire year, some of them for two, it wasn’t enough. They were still strangers on the court, and they didn’t fit into the groove the team Neil had started with did. They didn’t know the extent of the things that had happened that first year. They didn’t fit into the team on the court as well as everyone else could. They hadn’t seen the others at their most vulnerable.

The door opened, letting in light for just a few seconds before it closed and someone was looming over Neil at the side of the bed, blocking out the moonlight streaming in the window.

Neil didn’t need to look up to know Andrew was standing there. He didn’t need to say anything for Andrew to know he needed some kind of comfort.   
“Move over.”

Neil did, trying to even out his breathing again. He knew Andrew didn’t care if he was freaking out. They could be honest around each other. That didn’t change the fact that Neil felt ridiculous for doubting his team, though.

“Yes or no?”

Nodding, Neil tightened his fists in his own hair. His head was still down, his elbows on his knees, when Andrew’s hand curled around the back of his neck.

“He’s an idiot.” Andrew said it calmly, his voice low. It could barely be heard over the sound of an old Exy game in the other room.

“He’s right.”

“You cannot tell me you actually believe what he spewed out.”

Neil stayed silent.

“Fucking idiot,” Andrew hissed, his fingers tightening on Neil’s neck. His thumb brushed his hairline. “We beat them last year.”

“Because they didn’t know how to play like we did.”

“They still don’t know how to play like we do.” Andrew waited to see if Neil would protest again. “We’re going to beat them again. You’ll get to play with everyone else as a Fox one more time. Stop worrying over nothing. You’re worse than he is.”

Neil’s fingers fell out of his hair when it started to hurt. Andrew loosened his grip, and Neil shifted so his leg was pressed against Andrew’s. “We don’t know how to play like we used to.”

“So give some emotional shit talk or something. Get Wilds to if you must, just do it. It is not your place to be worrying about this already. You are not even capitan yet.”

He hadn’t thought about that. It made him think of Wymack’s speech before the game against the Ravens when they had Riko, and he already had one formulating in his head by the time Andrew spoke again.

“I’m going to sleep.”

“Night,” Neil mumbled, eyes on his lap as Andrew climbed over him to lay with his back against the wall.

It was silent for a good few minutes before Andrew’s hand lifted and hovered over Neil’s leg in an unasked question. Neil gently pressed his hand down.

“Junkie.”

It coaxed a small smile out of Neil.

“You’ll be useless tomorrow if you don’t get sleep, Josten.”

“Yeah.”

“Fucking lay down.”

Neil heard the slight apprehension in Andrew’s voice and did as told. He rested his head on the pillow, facing Andrew and watching him sleep.   
“I told you not to look at me like that.”

“How do you know I’m looking at you like that?”

“Your breathing changed.” When Neil didn’t reply, Andrew sighed. “Go to sleep.”

Neil sighed and closed his eyes. “Fine.”


	13. Chapter 13

_**ANDREIL + #8 (“You’re jealous, aren’t you?” for Neil)** _ **  
**

“Neil Josten?” Someone asked at Neil’s side, tapping his shoulder. He turned into the crowd, only to find a man he’d never seen before being trailed by Andrew. “Take your boyfriend home. He’s drunk.”

Neil frowned, looking at Andrew as the guy vanished into the crowd again. “You don’t get drunk.”

“He thinks I am.”

“Why?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “You ask too many questions.”

“I thought you went to get more drinks.”

“Roland cut us off.”

“Why?”

“Hot bastard thinks I’m drunk.”

Neil’s frown deepened. He knew Roland and Andrew used to be a thing, or at least almost became a thing, and it still bugged him. “You might be. Let’s just go.”

Andrew eyed Neil suspiciously, but followed him out of Eden’s Twilight anyway, his fingers laced in Neil’s shirt so they didn’t get separated.

“Hot bastard,” Neil muttered under his breath as they worked through the crowd. “I hate that I can’t argue it.”

They broke through the crowd and into the night finally. Cold air cut into their cheeks, bitter harsh and reflecting Neil’s emotions.

“Can you drive?” Andrew asked, halting just outside the club. Neil just nodded, not trusting himself to speak yet. Andrew’s fingers tightened in the neck of Neil’s shirt and he shoved him gently, making him start walking again.

Neil drove them back to the house in Columbia, his hands tight on the wheel as Andrew smoked.

He couldn’t help what he did in reaction. 

He distanced himself from Andrew as much as he could. Whenever Andrew tried to drag him up to the roof, he found a way to get away. When Andrew wanted him to be alone with him, Neil found a way to avoid it. It wasn’t fairing well for either of them, but Neil was dealing with his as best he could.

Honesty was important to the two of them, but yet…

It wasn’t until two weeks later that they made it to Columbia again, this time with Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin.

Once the rest of them (save Kevin) made it onto the dance floor, Andrew turned on Neil in choppy, textbook Russian.

_“What is your problem?”_

_“Nothing,”_ Neil replied, taking a drink of his soda. He looked down at it as he said, _“I’m fine.”_

_“You lie.”_

_“I am not now.”_

_“You are lying.”_ Andrew gathered the drinks on the table up onto the tray again, finishing off the ones Aaron and Nicky didn’t. He didn’t announce his departure, but Neil cast one look at Kevin before following him through the crowd. He came up behind Andrew at the bar, pressing as close as he could without actually touching him.

“You guys back finally?” Roland asked once he made his way to them, starting to pour drinks for their group again. “I missed you last week.”

Neil felt tension draw to the surface at the look Roland cast Andrew.

“We had a game,” Andrew told Roland simply, looking around slowly.

“I saw. It was a great win.”

Neil ground his teeth into his cheek. Better not to speak than make a fool of himself.

“Neil!” he greeted, finally realizing he was there. “That was a nice play last week.”

“Thanks,” Neil ground out just loud enough to be heard over the music and crowd.

“Here you go. An extra round, on the house. Need another soda?”

“Not yet,” Andrew answered after a look to Neil. “Thanks.” He picked up the tray and carried it expertly all the way back to their table, and only after he downed his half of the drinks did he gesture to Neil to follow him.

It was with apprehension that Neil followed Andrew out of the club.

When they reached the alley beside the club, Andrew turned and backed Neil into the wall. “You are going to tell me what your problem is, or you are going to walk back to the rest of the team and tell Renee you are her responsibility now.”

Neil bit his cheek again, silent until he tasted blood. “Yes or no?” he muttered.

“No.”

Neil nodded, repressing the terror rising in his throat.

“Spit it out.”

“I’m not jealous,” he defended, then swore under his breath.

“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“I’m not.”

“Idiot,” Andrew whispered, leaning in so close Neil had to breathe lightly to avoid touching him. Their lips almost brushed when Andrew spoke again. “Who? Kevin? Aaron? Roland?”

Neil flinched at the last name, his head hitting against the brick wall behind him.

“Ridiculous. Abram, think back on what you know about him and me.”

Neil did, but he couldn’t think of why Andrew found it ridiculous.

 _“He cannot touch me,”_ Andrew growled in Russian. _“You can. Yes.”_

Neil was frozen, his palms dragging against the wall behind him. Warm fingers trailed up his arm, hooking under the armband right above the heel of his hand. They pulled Neil’s stiff hand up to rest on Andrew’s shoulder, as another set of warm fingers slid their way onto the back of Neil’s neck. Goosebumps rose on his arms and his breathing sped up minutely.

_“Do you see anyone else touch me?”_

Neil shook his head slightly.

_“You can.”_

Neil’s fingers tightened on Andrew’s shoulder. “I-”

“Don’t say something stupid.”

Neil shut his mouth, but Andrew closed the distance between them as he did.


	14. Chapter 14

**_NICKY/ERIK + #124 (“Are you wearing my shirt?”)_   
**

“Are you wearing my shirt?” Erik asked, his fingers picking at the loose thread trailing from the collar resting against Nicky’s chest.

The tone of Erik’s voice as he asked the question set off alarms in Nicky’s head. “Is that okay? If it’s not okay I can change it. It’s no bi-” His words were stopped by the kiss Erik pressed against his lips, dissolving into a moan as he melted against Erik. His fingers pressed into rock solid arms, and he knew he was home for sure.

Erik’s lips curled against Nicky’s, which made Nicky smile back. It was hard not to.

“I’m so glad you’re home,” said Erik, voice rough with emotion.

“You’re insane,” Nicky taunted, his hands smoothing down his chest. He gently shoved Erik, grinning when he tipped back onto his heels and came right back to Nicky’s waiting lips. Nicky looped his arms around Erik’s neck, tugging him closer and pressing as much as he could of their bodies together, like it would erase the time they’d spent separated. It worked for about half a second before Nicky’s heart started racing and his mind drifted back to the fact that he was _here_ , he was in _Germany_ , he had _Erik_ in his arms and against his lips and in his heart and mind, he’d been here for almost two years now.

_Here, Germany, Erik. Here, Germany, Erik. Here, Germany, Erik._

“We should go,” Nicky finally whispered, though the last thing he wanted to do was stop kissing him. “We don’t want to be late.”

“They can wait,” was the response provided, and Nicky couldn’t find it in himself to disagree. “It’s an airport. They will find something to do.”

They showed up to the airport to pick up the first arrivals- Matt, Dan, Neil, and Andrew- rumpled and half an hour late.

Luckily, none of them decided to comment on the mussed hair and sly looks both hosts were sporting.

Within hours, they were drunk and playing card games around the dining room table. Matt was busy teaching reteaching the rules of Kemps to Neil when Nicky grabbed the empty bottle from the center of the table and trudged his way into the kitchen to toss it into the trash and grab another. He was shakily balancing on his toes and dragging another down from the top shelf when he heard Erik come up behind him laughing. A smile stretched across his mouth as fingers curled into his hips and Erik lifted him up almost effortlessly so he could grab the bottle.

Nicky cradled the bottle to his chest and giggled when his feet hit the floor, leaning back against Erik. “I love your strength,” he mumbled, twisting the cap on the bottle a little nervously. “I love you.”

“I love _you_ ,” Erik replied, slipping his arms around Nicky’s waist.

“Despite my warnings,” Nicky teased, wiggling back against him. He yawned, then shook his head. “I’m tired.”

“You should go to sleep soon.”

“I won’t until everyone else is asleep.”

“You love them too much,” Erik said, but it didn’t sound as bad coming from his mouth as it did from others. He peppered Nicky’s cheek with kisses. “You want to impress them. You want to show them you’re a good host.”

“Of course I do.”

“Do you want me to carry you back in there?”

Nicky laughed, turning and burying his face in Erik’s neck. “Of course!”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neil josten + soothing voice

  * ok. neil has the most soothing voice ever it even rivals abby’s “calm down ur alright” voice
  * it’s like…. deep, but not horribly deep not scary deep
  * and hes inherently quiet because he’s always been told not to stand out or draw attention to himself
  * and as ive said before: after baltimore neil’s accent changes around a lot
  * it always depends on the day u catch him: on monday it’ll be more british. tuesday, spanish. wednesday, native sc accent. thursday, a mix. friday, german.
  *  it just switches around a lot because he doesnt feel the need to hide it anymore
  * when he’s around andrew tho its almost always a little more british than when hes around anyone else his mother was british and her accent was still very prominent when they were on the run, even tho she tried to hide it in public
  * she always spoke to neil when he was a baby too because lets face it, she was terrified probably and she confided in her son because he couldnt understand her, he couldnt tell her husband what she thought and felt 
  * she stopped when he started forming sentences but she taught him other languages, ones her husband didnt know, so neil could tell her where the pain was or various other things in german or spanish while the butcher only knew japanese and english
  * god how horrible must it have been for neil to have this mother, the one who was protecting him and teaching him and confiding in him, turn into the one who beat the hell out of him when he simply kissed someone, when he slipped up, who told him he was fine and could continue running unless he was shot
  * anyway sorry i got off track into neils childhood
  * ok anyway, andrew hears the british one more than ever because of the cigarettes
  * andrew smokes and the scent of the smoke sticks to him and neil just naturally slips into that accent, the calming british one his mother used to speak with
  * and its always when hes with andrew. it always seeps into his voice, whether hes in public and trying to conceal it or not


  * and idk if uve heard the accent of someone who has a british accent but has it watered down after living in the US for a while but lets just say its real nice. real nice
  * so he’s got this accent that comes out around andrew, no matter where he is, what theyre doing, but he only stops caring if anyone knows after the events of baltimore, when the foxes know everything and everyone knows everything 
  * the first time nicky hears it tho when hes not about to beat someone up for taking his neil away he literally tears up and he’s like “oh ymm god neil u…. u have the best….. oh my god”
  * and neil is like “????ok thanks” because he doesnt realize why nicky is dying
  * everyone else just silently freaks out over it when they hear him and they all just learn to love it secretly, talking about it when neil isnt around
  * neil never finds out about these conversations about him because hes neil
  * also, lets talk about this: his voice is the most soothing ever
  * sometimes when the foxes get hurt on the court neil, as co-cap and the worrisome babe he is, is the first to get over to them and check on them and he’s like “are u okay?” and when they say “i’m fine” he lets them get up and helps them up and just mutters “i know what that means and ur going to ice that ankle later, but you can continue if u want right now. if u dont take care of urself, kevin will kill u, and he’s sloppy.”  and they smile and actually?? maybe neils tone alone just healed their ankle they can run
  * and like neil is alwyas with andrew when they have spare moments, thats common knowledge, 
  * so imagine this:
  * it’s been a bad day. andrew is having one of his Bad Days, people kept bumping into him by accident and he had nightmares and he doesnt want to be touched at all
  * neil can sense it, he feels the red hot anger and annoyance radiating from andrew and he’s respecting it by sitting a few inches away when they head up to the roof that night, and he’s brought andrew a bottle of whisky and two extra packs of cigarettes 
  * andrew doesnt want to speak, so they only thing he says to neil is “how stuppid was your day”
  * even tho it sounds like a statement, neil knows its a question and he starts in
  * his accent is lilting, dragging itself above the r’s like they’ve got knives and making the vowels round and long
  * andrew feels his heart slowing down as time goes on, as neil continues to speak, now talking about he he thinks they’ll do at the game this week and who needs improvement and where on the team, how he’s been thinking about asking wymack if he can sub for backliners sometimes since allison has been teaching him some defensive things lately on the court
  * he hates it. he hates neil. he hates that he cant just shove neil off the roof and walk away because it would be the one thing to truly kill him by now, “the one thing he couldnt come back from”, as stated
  * he hates that neil destroys his resilence with that stupid accent
  * he hates that he actually feels a tear welling up in his eye and he reaches a hand up to wipe at his eyes like he’s just got an itch
  * he hates neil
  * he hates that ridiculous, overdone accent, the one all the others talk about, 
  * he hates that it calms him down too when he’s been horribly angry all day
  * he gets up without even opening the whisky or the extra two packs neil brought him and when neil looks up at him in question all he can let out is “shut the fuck up, josten.” as he tosses his cigarette down and grinds it out with his heel
  * and neil is just watching as andrew walks away, but when andrew stops at the door and glances back at him he hurriedly gets to his feet and grabs the stuff he brought and follows andrew back to the dorm, where andrew kicks him in the leg when he starts to go to his own bed instead of andrews, 
  * where andrew tells him to pick up where he left off with his back pressed to the wall and his eyes closed
  * where neil does and continues speaking right from the middle of the sentence he’d stopped,
  * where neil whispers words he never wanted to say to anyone in that stupid accent, thinking andrew is asleep,
  * where andrew hears neil say “i dont know where i’d be without you” and “i love you” in the same sentence and he actually has to fight to keep his composure and not reach out and stab neil at that moment




	16. Chapter 16

**_ANDREIL + #52 (“Kiss my ass.”)_ **

Grunting, Neil launches the ball as hard as he can across the court. Andrew hits it back with as much force as he can muster, and Neil jumps to catch it and uses the momentum to launch it toward the corner of the goal again. Andrew deflects it, just as he’s deflected every other shot before, and Neil shoots it back, just as he has every other time before.

“Up!” Neil shouts, and Andrew hits the ball so it bounces off the top of the court. Neil goes running for it, falling to his knees to catch it. He launches it low and hard immediately, without giving Andrew a second to judge his shot.

The ball slides right beneath Andrew’s racquet.

Triumph burns hot in Neil’s chest. He breaks into a grin, climbing to his feet as Andrew launches the ball at him again.

“You’ll never be able to do that with a mark on you,” Andrew tells him, placing the end of his racquet on the ground and leaning on it.

“Yes, I will. I’ve been practicing with Matt too. All that’s left is getting you in the goal and Matt covering me.”

“I’ll block it next time.” Andrew smacks down the ball Neil lazily tosses him. “I will know it’s coming.”  

“Whatever,” Neil breathes, grinning and walking up to the goal line. “Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

Neil crosses over the line, dropping his racquet and his own helmet down as he approaches Andrew. When he reaches him, he lifts his hands to remove Andrew’s helmet. His fingers find Andrew’s hair as he leans in to kiss him. He moans against the kiss, reveling in the salt of sweat on Andrew’s lips and the feel of the racquet pressed between them.

“Junkie,” Andrew breathes into Neil’s mouth, one hand on the back of Neil’s neck. His finger taps lightly, then digs in with another kiss.

The next day, Neil drags Matt and Andrew over to one half of the court between warm ups and scrimmaging at practice. Andrew heads straight for the goal, and Matt and Neil start where Neil would usually start, Matt as his mark.

“Ready?” Neil asks, adjusting his grip on the racquet nervously. It should be an easy shot; he’s done it enough for it to be. He’s really only doing it to prove to himself he can: that he can get that low of a shot around his mark without injuring himself, and that he can get the ball past Andrew in the same shot.

“Kiss my ass,” Matt mumbles, beaming at Neil. “We’ve been practicing this for months. I know your moves.”

“Don’t hold back.”

Andrew launches the ball to Neil and Neil gets into motion. He sidesteps Matt to catch it, growls under his breath at the shock of Matt’s racquet hitting his when he tosses the ball back toward Andrew.

Somehow, it still makes it, though, and Neil repeats the simple tosses a few times, finding Matt’s weak spots as he does.

It isn’t until the tenth throw that he gets the chance to make his move.

Matt is taller, more heavy-set. Neil uses that to his advantage, laying on the speed when Andrew launches the ball up for the fourth time. He doesn’t glance over his shoulder to confirm Matt stopped himself just shy of crashing into the wall and pivoted on his heel to try to catch up. He just focuses on the ball, and he reaches it just in time. His knees hit the floor the exact moment the ball falls into his racquet.

An instant later the weight is gone.

An instant later, the wall lights up red.

Matt’s loud cheer makes Neil smile. He just barely hears the cheers of the rest of the team from the inner circle, where they’d been on water break still.

A ball thumps against his helmet and he turns toward Andrew, who is beckoning to him to come closer. Neil climbs to his feet and walks the short distance to him, pulling off his helmet as he does.

“Your hair is a mess,” Andrew says before anything else. “Fix it or it will stick out all practice. That’s annoying.”

Neil rolls his eyes and reaches his hands up to tuck the strands that broke free when he took off his helmet back under the bandana.

“You didn’t have defense between you and the goal. That was an illegal play.”

“I’m sure there would be one trying to block the shot during an actual game.”

“Don’t count on it.”

Neil smiles, tightening the knot of his bandana. “You’re just mad I’ve scored on you twice with the same play.”

“Your recruit looks like she’s going to cry if you don’t tell her how you did that.”

“She can wait. You almost had it this time.”

“I’ll get it next time you use that ridiculous play. Go tell her before she comes over here. I refuse to play nice.”

Reluctantly, Neil turns to answer questions from the team, who really shouldn’t be so surprised. Kevin is the only one who doesn’t bother. He just claps Neil on the shoulder and redirects the questions back to how they _should_ be practicing.

Two weeks later, Neil uses the play at night practice and Andrew blocks it, sending it back so hard it bruises Neil’s shin through his padding.


	17. Chapter 17

_**ANDREIL + #110 (“You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?” (I’m taking a liberty and changing it a little…. I’m sorry about that. It just works better….))** _

“You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach it, shortie?” Neil taunted, smirking down at Aaron. He held the bottle just out of his reach, upside down so Aaron couldn’t grab it when he reached.

“Give me the fucking alcohol,” Aaron growled, clawing at Neil’s wrist. He was already drunk, so he wasn’t thinking as well as normal. If he had been, Neil would have had a fist to the gut long ago. “I fucking hate you.”

“You told Andrew to not let you drink more tonight,” Neil reminded him, going on his toes when Aaron tried harder to get the bottle. “And Andrew is out getting ice cream for your drunk asses, so I’m in charge of it. Of you.”

“Andrew isn’t here. Give me the bottle.”

“No.”

“I’ll punch you.”

“I’ve taken worse.”

Aaron’s mouth screwed up and he dropped to stand normally again. He glared at Neil for a good minute, then started trying to reach for the alcohol again.

“Just give up already, Aaron.”

“Never. You’re an asshole and I want the damn alcohol.”

“Shut up and go watch that movie with Nicky.”

“No. He’s insufferable. All he’s talked about tonight is Erik. It’s too gay. I can’t handle it… Unless I have alcohol.”

“Too gay?” Neil asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes.” Aaron jumped for the bottle. When he landed, he lost his balance and fell on his ass on the floor.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He keeps talking about how good Erik is-” Aaron mimed gagging, trying to get to his feet.

“I’m sure Andrew is better. Maybe I should go talk to him about it.” Neil shrugged.

“Good. Yes. Do that. Leave the bottle.”

Neil turned around, lowering the bottle as he did, and stuffed it in the front of his jeans. “I’m taking it.”

“What are you-” Aaron asked, stopping himself when Neil turned back toward him. “What the fuck?!” he shouted, stomping his foot like an indignant child. “Did you just put that in your pants?!”

“No,” Neil claimed, smirking again.

Aaron looked at him in disgust for a few seconds before sighing and throwing himself at Neil, trying to grab the bottle out of Neil’s pants. Neil smacked at every hand Aaron threw toward him, up until they stopped coming and Aaron was struggling against an arm wrapped around his chest and a good two feet away.

“The fuck are you doing?” Nicky hissed, looking between the two of them as he held Aaron back. “You know if Andrew-”

“If I what?” Andrew asked, walking into the room with a plastic grocery bag hooked on one finger.

Aaron stopped struggling. Nicky dropped his arm from Aaron. Neil tried to subtly take the bottle out of his pants.

“If you came home, we’d get our ice cream, since we skipped Sweetie’s,” Nicky said, practically bouncing again. It amazed Neil how easily we could switch from serious parental figure to excited puppy.

Andrew set the bag on the table next to Nicky and turned to Neil, who was trying to get the bottle from his pants still.

Neil stopped mid-action and smiled innocently at him.

“Why is there a bottle of alcohol,” Andrew asked, gesturing to Neil’s stomach, “in your pants?”

“I was keeping it from Aaron,” Neil explained, tugging it free finally and setting it on the counter.

Andrew just stared at him, like he was trying to decide whether he should ask again or not. He settled for the latter, choosing to pick up the bottle and unscrew the lid.

“That was in Neil’s pants,” Aaron reminded his brother, frowning at he watched Andrew tip the bottle back and take a drink.

“Kinky,” was all Nicky said as he escaped from the room with a spoon and a pint of ice cream in his hands.

“Disgusting.”

“Alcohol is alcohol.”


	18. Chapter 18

_**NICKY/ERIK + 3 ITEMS (baby’s breath flowers, a university hoodie, & pills/medicine)** _

Nicky came out of sleep slowly. He usually woke slowly, taking in his surroundings and hyping his mind up to face the day ahead of him, but his mind was usually alert before the rest of him. That wasn’t the case today.

Instead, it was sluggish and felt… drugged.

“Good morning,” Erik greeted at his side, rolling over in the bed- their bed- and sliding a warm hand across Nicky’s chest.

“Morning,” Nicky whispered in response, in English, closing his eyes again.

Lips pressed to his shoulder. “Did you sleep well?”

Nicky chose to focus on the feeling of Erik’s lips against his skin rather than the nightmares he’d faced. They were increasing lately, as it neared the middle of November, the nightmares of both his cousins covered in blood, the body on the floor, the bed turned red from blood. His stomach churned at the thought of it. He forced himself back to Erik, who was sucking a bruise onto his chest.

“Hey,” he mumbled, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Back off, Klose. I’m taken.”

When Erik laughed, the vibration in his chest made its way to Nicky’s stomach. He grinned despite the fact that he didn’t want to, and Erik nosed his cheek, still laughing a little. Nicky turned his head and caught Erik’s lips with his own, rolling onto his side as he did. He snagged his teeth on Erik’s lip and huffed out a laugh, but Erik destroyed it halfway through by kissing Nicky with fever.

About ten minutes later, both their alarms were going off frantically, trying to rouse them from their making out to get ready for work. Nicky groaned, his forehead pressed against Erik’s as they both attempted to catch their breath. He’d made his way to straddling Erik’s waist at some point in the last few minutes, and he didn’t want to move. He liked being with Erik. He liked the feeling of Erik’s hands on his hips, their lips moving together, their chests touching, Erik’s hair in his hands… He liked the feeling of _Erik,_ of knowing he was there and Nicky didn’t have to leave him anytime soon and not know when he would see him again.

Slowly and reluctantly, he slid off Erik and to his feet, kissing Erik the entire time. It took at least another minute for him to stop and hit the alarms.

“Get back here,” Erik whined from the bed, reaching out to grasp for the waistline of Nicky’s underwear. Nicky grinned and slapped his hand away. Then, just to be an asshole, he bent down to pick the Palmetto sweatshirt up from where it had been thrown to the floor last night. He laughed under his breath at Erik’s frustrated groan. “Get back here. Now.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Nicky teased, dropping the hoodie into the hamper as he walked by it. “You’ll just have to follow me.”

He was halfway to the bathroom when Erik caught up with him and scooped him up, carrying him the rest of the way.

One round of shower sex, one cup of coffee (for Nicky) and one cup of hot chocolate (for Erik) later, both Erik and Nicky were gathering up the papers they needed for the rest of the day, meticulous about not dripping any water from their hair onto them and trying to hold the towels on their waists at the same time.

“Isn’t this one yours?” Nicky asked, holding up a piece for Erik to look at, and handing it over when he nodded. “We should really do this the night before, shouldn’t we?”

“We should,” Erik agreed, hitting the papers against the tabletop to make them look more presentable. “But the real question here is whether we will or not.”

“I say that every day,” Nicky pointed out, shuffling his own papers together. He glanced up at Erik as he put them into his own pile on the table, only to find Erik frowning and watching him. He hesitated before setting the papers down again, and walked his way around the table to kiss the frown away. “What’s wrong?”

“Have you taken your medicine?”

Nicky blinked at him, then glanced at the counter where it usually was kept. The bottle was there, empty. “No. I need to pick up more.”

“Nicky-”

“I’ll be okay for one day, Erik.” Erik sighed, his thumb brushing the mark he’d left on Nicky’s chest earlier. Nicky’s voice softened after he kissed Erik’s nose and cheek. “Don’t look like that. I’ll be fine. It’ll be fine.”

“If you have any trouble-”

“I’ll work through it,” Nicky interrupted, giving a small smile. “Come on. We should get dressed. We’re going to be late.”

So they dressed. So they finished coffee, split the last danish for breakfast, and Erik made Nicky take his medicine bottle with him so he could get his prescription refilled after work. So they left, making sure the doors were locked and every window was closed before doing so.

After work, Nicky got his prescription refilled. He only remembered because of Erik’s reminder around four: a simple text stating “ _medizin, liebling._ ” While he was out, Nicky stopped to get more groceries, including more of Erik’s favorite pastries, chocolate for himself, and a bouquet of red tulips and baby’s breath for Erik just because.

He smiled the whole way home, and when he arrived to find Erik just getting home from a run, he smiled more.

“Sweaty,” he praised as Erik held out a hand to take the grocery bag from him, “and out of breath. That’s the type of man I like to find when I arrive home.”

“And I’m all yours,” Erik laughed breathily, leaning in to let Nicky kiss him gently. “I was thinking we could go climbing this weekend.”

“Or you could go climbing, and I could cheer you on from the ground,” Nicky suggested loudly, since Erik was already walking away. He followed after him, leaving the front door open to let the breeze in the house. “I’d rather go hiking again. It was beautiful last weekend.”

“You got to choose that one,” Erik laughed. Nicky walked into the kitchen to find him putting away the few items he’d picked up. “It’s my turn.”

“Fine,” Nicky pouted, setting the flowers on the table and brushing his fingers against the strip of tanned skin visible as Erik reached up into a cabinet. “I brought you a surprise.”

“Is it to make up for leaving bed this morning?”

“No, because I made up for that in the shower, remember? I believe it had a lot to do with my mouth, and you praising me for… What was it again? My ‘magical tongue’?” He smirked, amused by the light flush on Erik’s cheeks. “It’s on the table.”

Erik grinned, turning his head slowly to look at the bouquet lying on the table. “Red tulips,” he mumbled, then turned to look at Nicky. “My favorite. What’s the reason?”

Nicky just shrugged, pleased with himself. “You’re here. That’s all.”

Erik’s grin grew wider, and he pressed his forehead against Nicky’s. “I love you.”

“I love _you._ ”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andreil + massages

  * kevin pushed neil hard at night practice last night
  * neil almost blew out his arms again
  * he fell so much during practice today, too, because his legs just ~~couldnt~~  wouldnt and hes sore all over and getting back to the dorm is hard enough 
  * hes so thankful its saturday tomorrow and theyre not going to columbia tonight
  * kevin doesnt make him practice every single night anymore, so it’s every other night, and never on saturdays because andrew dictated it and kevin has enough survival instinct to know not to defy andrew
  * and so neil is just laying on the floor because it feels a lot better than his bed or a beanbag or the couch 
  * he’s laying on the floor beside the couch with a pillow under his head and he’s considering the implications of getting in the shower, and he decides its worth it so he tries to get up
  * and fails
  * he fails miserably
  * he makes it about halfway before the pain in his legs is too much and he cant even push himself the rest of the way up on his arms so he just drops back down
  * andrew looks up from his perch on the couch at the attempt and thinks its just pathetic
  * so he sighs and sets his book on the arm of the couch and stands up
  * “yes or no” 
  * “yes” 
  * “roll over”
  * “i cant”
  * “fuck’s sake, josten” and andrew literally has to rip the pillow out from under neil’s head and roll neil over
  * he starts with neil’s legs first, just massaging his thighs over his sweatpants in circles so hard with his thumbs it should be bruising but it feels amazing
  * neil fights back a moan, but ends up burying his face in the pillow 
  * then he does neil’s calves, and it draws the same response
  * andrew straddles neil’s hips after that
  * he tugs at neil’s shirt until neil catches his drift and uses very sore muscles to lift himself up a little so andrew can awkwardly pull the t-shirt off him
  * andrew starts on his back
  * his thumbs move in circles down either side of neil’s spine, warm skin against warm skin, andrew’s calloused, marked hands against the smooth and soft marked skin of neil’s back
  * then he targets knots in neil’s back
    * theres one particular one right next to neil’s shoulder blade that andrew has to press so hard he’s afraid he may have broken one of neil’s ribs to get. the entire time neil is breathing hard and shallow and has his forehead against the pillow and his back a little arched, so andrew knows it hurts
  * they don’t talk until andrew is done, has worked even neil’s _arms_ into relaxation 
  * after that, neil takes a shower, and he shows his appreciation to andrew after said shower in the bedroom
  * it isnt until a few years later, when theyre on the same team and after a rough game that neil gets to return the favor with a massage (andrew actually pushed himself harder than ever this game. he blew out his arms against the other team, insisting he stay in goal the entire time ~~because the game was important to neil and~~ he wanted to win because he’s master of spite and they’d lost to that team last year)




	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andreil + sex weekend in columbia. nsfw

  * it’s been a while after andrew trusted neil to handle him as opposed to him handling neil
  * a while, but not a long time
  * so after the sex dream, after neil gets some sleep, they both pack bags and leave for columbia
  * on the way there andrew gets a text from kevin asking where they are and he just tosses the phone at neil and says “tell him something creative. murder, or something. i don’t care.” 
  * neil just types out ‘none of your business.’ (painstakingly, since these assholes only have flip phones)
  * when they get to columbia, andrew parks the car in a parking lot and looks at neil and neil is like ?? 
  * then he catches andrew’s drift and laughs a little
  * he’s given a quick hand job in broad daylight in the car in the parking lot and he loves it
  * andrew wipes him up and they go inside the shop, 
  * and neil is actually kind of horrified
  * its a sex shop, and andrew is just standing there inside the door looking around
  * neil bites his cheek to keep from saying anything when he gingerly touches something metal and hanging from a hook and he sees the tag says ‘nipple clamps’ (inside he’s screaming already. those sound horrible. please don’t let andrew choose those at all)
  * they wander around a little bit before andrew starts picking things up
  * neil, poor innocent neil, is freaking out a little because theres too much stuff too much sex stuff he likes his vanilla hand jobs and blow jobs and occasional ‘true sex’, as nicky would call it
  * but he wants andrew to be happy and he saw how andrew reacted when he proposed the weekend and andrew has been ina  good mood since then so he’s not backing out now. not because - _oh god is that plastic genitalia in andrew’s hands_
  * andrew is okay. he’s seen this stuff before so it’s not like it’s a big deal, he’s just got to choose what to buy and whatnot
  * as he’s shopping around, neil trailing after him, a fan notices them
  * she’s with her boyfriend and hes buying gag gifts for his friend and she’s just standing there. staring. that’s _andrew minyard_ holding a dildo and talking to _neil josten._ right in front of her
  * she takes a picture on her phone, just a quick snap, then another before anyone notices
  * even though she wants to SCREAM and post everywhere “ANDREW MINYARD AND NEIL JOSTEN OF THE PALMETTO STATE FOXES ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME” she cant because they are SURROUNDED in the picture by the very thign in andrew’s hands 
  * they continue their shopping and leave before the fan and her boyfriend do because they cant wait to start now ~~_lmao_~~
  * they stop for groceries on the way to the house because god knows theyre not gonna be leaving the next two days and they need something
  * when they get there, it’s almost immediate 
  * andrew turns to neil as he unlocks the door and asks “yes or no” and when neil replies yes he shoves him back against the door inside and starts ravishing him and neil is a mess by the time they actually make it back to andrew’s bedroom
  * first: the “plastic genitalia” as neil calls it because he’s a fuckin innocent little flower and doesn’t like the way “dildo” sounds 
    * it’s weird. he likes it because the way andrew reacts is fucking amazing (andrew actually moans when neil comes, a first) 
    * that’s added to the “will use again” list andrew starts on a piece of paper by the bed
  * second: rimming
    * andrew lets neil do this one to him. it’s weird too. neil isn’t sure how to do it, so it’s awkward, but once he gets the hang of it he’s amazing and andrew is holding onto the sheets tight enough to pull them off the corners of the bed
    * when andrew comes he grinds out neil’s name and neil has never, ever felt more triumphant in his life. not even beating the ravens compared to that sound in that moment
  * the third thing done: overstimulation
    * it’s the easiest of all the possibilities for the weekend. andrew just drives neil to the edge and back again, over and over
    * neil is soaked with sweat by the time andrew finds it uninteresting and stops, partially because neil started begging and tearing up and he hated that
    * they both agree not to do that that far again, but to do it again
  * by now it’s dark and theyre both hungry, so andrew makes dinner and fucks neil against the wall when theyre done sorry i dont make the rules
  * they last through until around midnight, when they both fall asleep exhausted and sweaty and naked 
  * andrew wakes neil in the morning with a blow job and they start up again, this time with some true shower sex, up against the wall, which is great until they slip and neil bruises his elbow and tailbone and andrew bruises his knees and forearm
  * after that, andrew makes breakfast and they sit down to eat and neil thinks about the dream he had last night too, the sex one again, and he decides to try something 
  * so he calls andrew daddy
    * (he got the idea planted in his head originally weeks ago when nicky called a celebrity daddy jokingly)
    * andrew’s shoulders tense and his jaw tightens and neil knows he’s done something right
    * the sex is vanilla after that one, but about halfway through andrew growls “say it again” 
    * neil, being neil, is confused and just thinking about the feelig of andrew until andrew says “what u said earlier. say it again.” 
    * so neil praises him, adding “daddy” to the end
    * and suddenly he’s not neil, he’s nathaniel, he’s back in that house in baltimore and his father is raising a hand to hit him for calling him that
    * andrew sees this and kisses neil to pull him back to the present, where they’re both about to come, where they’re andrew minyard and neil josten and they’re on a bed and doing something intimate
    * after that, they both decide that one isn’t happening again. neil tries to protest, but andrew cuts him off with an angry look because he is not inconveniencing neil for the sake of getting off when they have all these other methods
  * there are a few more things before they get to another one they decide to never use again because of the past, and that’s bondage. 
    * when neil is tied up he’s panicking and thinking a dashboard lighter is going to be shoved into his cheekbone and a knife is going to carve into his arm any second 
    * when andrew is tied up (they only got one arm tied to the bed before andrew told neil no more), he’s back with drake and he’s about to shut down
  * basically it’s this really, really long weekend of experimentation and toys and boundary finding 
  * they turn their phones off for the entire weekend and only turn them on in the car on the way home
  * neil’s is going off for a solid five minutes straight, and he’s curious as to why. nicky hasn’t texted him this much since they were trying to train neil to use his phone
  * remember that fan from the sex shop?
  * well, turns out her picture was sent to one of her friends, and one of her friends friends, and then it was somehow posted somewhere, and then every exy site picked it up and now everyone knows
  * everyone knows andrew and neil were in some sex shop for some reason, and nicky, nicky is freaking out, and kevin is freaking out, and everyone is freaking out
  * the college’s pr has to work overtime to get the pictures taken down
  * wymack’s phone is ringing nonstop the next month
  * nicky gets some practice for his future job because wymack gets fed up and just hands the phone to nicky when it rings and nicky is around
  * nicky makes andreil clean the entire house with industrial cleaner just in case
  * the foxes all use “Sex Weekend in Columbia” as a weapon against andreil to get them to do something (it really only works with neil, but does sometimes with andrew too. the first time it does everyone is shocked) 
  * the sex weekend is even brought up at andreil’s wedding ceremony, by nicky in a toast he gives
    * “here’s to the newlyweds! may they have a sex weekend better than the one they had in columbia that one time!” 




	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby foxes + twinyard confusion & andreil

  * like u said, these poor incoming foxes have no idea what theyre getting into with andrew AND aaron on their team
  * first theres the minor in-fighting that happens between them, since theyre family
  * second is andrew’s not-relationship with neil and aarons hatred for neil 
  * third is the fact that these boys know how to fuckin _ACT_ like the other so well
  * i kid u not, andrew has tricked even katelyn before (for about a minute, before she realized he was looking at her with anger, not love lmao) 
  * anyway, the baby foxes are so oblivious to andreil
  * they just think it’s a nice little friendship (which is weird, since it’s andrew) between the two 
  * they really think its matt and neil in the relationship, and that makes sense really but its not true (which they find out not long after dan shows up andone of the incomers walks in on something ok matt is either not with neil or he’s cheating) 
  * anyway, they keep trying to analyze the friendship between neil and andrew but it’s weird? it keeps changing?
  * one day they’re standing together, talking, jogging, whatever
  * the next they’re glaring at each other and completely across the court from each other
  * or theyre always screaming to each other in another language on the court and its so confusing



 

  * so like… the major confusion starts when one of them walks in on andreil making out
  * its the same kid who walked in on dan and matt
  * he just has no luck with the relationships of the team honestly 
  * but he tells everyone else- including the upperclassmen and andrews lot
  * and they all laugh in his face
  * of course the upperclassmen know and andrews lot know way more than they should about it, but they play along to keep neil and andrew’s secret
  * so theyre all like “thats ridiculous. andrew is right here” and point to aaron, who starts acting like andrew the second the newcomers file into the room and he glares at nicky (who said it) 
  * so all the newcomers look at each toher and at aaron/andrew and to each other and back
  * and then just go “who’s gonna tell katelyn her boyfriend is gay” 
  * and then “i’m guessing u already knew, andrew” “yeah u dont seem very surprised” 
  * aaron chooses not to speak but hes dying inside hes gonna have to text katelyn as soon as he can to tell her theyll tell her hes gay and its NOT TRUE 
  * HE WAS NOT MAKING OUT WITH NEIL JOSTEN IN THE LOCKER ROOM
  * FUCK
  * and thats how it begins
  * everyone starts taking aarons animosity toward neil as a relationship
  * like how little boys pull pigtails on the playground
  * they start mistaking andrew and aaron every single time theyre off the court because it’s just so easy to do when they dont have their numbers on
  * even when they DO they still get mistaken
  * “hey aaron ur wearing the wrong jacket today!!” -to andrew
  * it really hits them when neil gets hurt on the court and andrew comes out of the goal as far as he can and yells something to neil in german 
  * neil forces himself back up and replies and andrew calms down
  * they all think its andrew watching out for his brother’s secret boyfriend ofc
  * they dont REALIZE REALIZE until andrew and neil end up marrying and have “minyard-josten” jerseys now (its after theyve graduated, like 2 years after, and aaron and katelyn havent married yet so they didn’t know) and it becomes this big thing in the exy world for a few weeks
  * all the incoming foxes call each other up like “um??? what???? oh ym god????”




	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neil josten + dancing. nsfw

OK neil is a fucking amazing dancer and u can fight me if u disagree (tho i believe he’s shit at it too its a fine line)

  * neil josten learned how to dance when he was on the run
  * he knows how to ballroom, he knows hip hop, he knows a little bit of jazz, he knows how to strip and more
  * he’s known how to ballroom dance for a while, his mom taught him just in case he’d ever need it, as did one of his tutors, and he used to dance with lola (she saw him at it one day and she just slipped in. he was uncomfortable the entire time but knew better than to tell her to go away)
  * the rest came while they were on the run, when he was trying to forget exy per his mother’s insistence
  * hip hop came from a homeless boy named jack they met on the street when neil was 13, who neil felt connected to and met after school in the park not far from the school, who taught neil to isolate parts of his body, who taught neil to use his ability to still himself for something other than defense, for something really kind of beautiful
  * jazz came from a french canadian girl, the one who was friends with the girl he kissed, who was old enough to own a dance studio and let neil come in between classes to learn, to teach her some hip hop he’d learned from the street, who taught him to use his feet and his speed for something other than running and fighting
  * stripping is different though
  * it wasn’t _quite_ neil’s choice
  * one time, when neil was 17, just before seattle, they got stuck in a city. there was no way out, they’d run out of the money they’d had with them, their cover was going to be blown if they didnt think quick
  * neils mother dragged him into the back room of a random building, one she knew the people tracking them would never expect them to be in, and she put her acting skills to good use
  * neil was surrounded by women with a little too much make up to make up for the too few clothes they were wearing
  * “he’s my boyfriend,” his mother said, and neil felt a rush of disgust go through him even though they needed to do this to survive, “he doesn’t want me to come in to work today alone because last guy tried too much”
  * and his mother searches through the outfits available casually, finding one that fits and wiggling into it, going out there, telling neil to wait against the wall on the other side of the building, to wait for her signal, etc
  * neil has to watch ten girls go before his mother, and he’s a quick learner. he’s got their techniques down pat. 
  * he refuses to watch his mother, so he has time to go over them in his head, figure out how he could move his body like that too, watch a lap dance or two
  * then comes seattle.
  * his mother dies.
  * he’s on his own.
  * he has to find a way to get through, to lose himself
  * so he dances
  * he’s in grief so it’s not too often, his grief is all-consuming when it hits, but he’s desperate for a release sometimes and he finds that in dancing when he can’t find it in exy, in drawing when he cant get out of bed
  * he borrows cds from the library in millport
  * he buys himself a cd player only for there (he tells himself that, but he takes it with him to palmetto)
  * in that small house he squats in, he teaches himself to lose himself to the music, to drop everything and just give in
  * he teaches himself to move his body like the women did, like he figured he could
  * so. neil josten knows how to dance.
  * it comes to the attention of the other foxes one weekend in columbia, where its become tradition for the entire family (not the incoming foxes, except for maybe robin, or when andrew is doing his Thing) to go to columbia every other weekend, party it up, let loose
  * they go to eden’s, and it’s there that it happens
  * neil hasn’t been on the dancefloor before now because it makes him a little apprehensive, but it’s okay
  * he’s okay
  * nicky is trying to dance with him and he’s kind of still and uncomfortable for a few seconds before nicky leans in close to him and says “come on! let loose, neil! you’ve had a few drinks, let the music take u away too!” 
  * and neil smirks and nicky is taken aback for a second because it’s neil josten smirking at him, he’s kind of turned on by it, maybe he should ask erik if he can add neil to their list (even though andrew and neil would never let him lmao)
  * and neil tells nicky he’ll be back and rushes off up to the table and he takes three drinks from the tray andrew just brought back an he knocks them back and winks at andrew and renee and kevin and rushes back down
  * he pushes his way thru the crowd over to nicky
  * and they start dancing
  * nicky is just about half a second away from screaming “HOLY FUCKING SHIT” when neil shows off
  * by the time they make it back to the table, both sweaty and laughing a little and out of breath because they went hard to DONTTRUSTME (my fav song that TOTALLY plays in eden’s and nicky always has to go hard to) nicky has one arm wrapped around neil’s shoulders and he looks like he’s about to cry
  * andrew is eyeing them suspiciously
  * neil leans against the table next to andrew and nicky takes another drink 
  * before he knocks it back, though, he lifts it and shouts “to neil’s dancing! may it be ever present at any and ALL future dance events!” and he points at neil when he’s done and then looks at andrew and says “your fucking boyfriend is a MASTER” 
  * andrew looks at neil and raises an eyebrow
  * neil shrugs and says he needs some water
  * and the next time it comes up is when andrew and neil are alone in andrew’s new apartment, a few years later, and andrew finds neil in the bathroom dancing a little bit to some stupid song in his head
  * he leans against the doorframe and watches and then knocks his knuckles on the wall
  * neil starts and looks over at him in embarassment 
  * “i still haven’t seen you actually dance.” 
  * “i haven’t seen you dance either.”
  * “you never will. where did you learn to dance?”
  * “on the run.”
  * “what do you know?” 
  * “you’re awfully chatty today.” 
  * “shut up.” 
  * neil gets dressed, goes out to sit next to andrew on the couch (i.e. lay with his head in andrew’s lap while andrew reads) 
  * it’s a few minutes of silence before neil says “hip-hop, jazz, and stripping.” 
  * andrew puts down his book
  * “stripping”
  * “yeah”
  * “that’s new information.” 
  * “do you…”
  * “spit it out, abram.”
  * “do you want me to prove it”
  * andrew almost dies right then and there 
  * neil takes this as a yes and asks if andrew has a cd player 
  * of course he does, do you think nicky let him go without getting one? 
  * so neil searches through random cds andrew has, mostly edm stuff, and he chooses one
  * puts it in the cd player
  * closes the blinds because this is embarassing enough
  * makes sure the door is locked because god knows when someone will randomly drop by if neil is there
  * ……and he starts
  * his eyes are closed at first as he tries to get used to it, he hasn’t done this in front of anyone and he hasnt danced in front of anyone sober in years
  * it’s only after he’s lost himself in the beat that he opens his eyes and finds andrew staring at him, rapt, hunger in his eyes 
  * andrew is raking him over with his eyes, trying to watch every move at once
  * neil nears him and whispers “yes or no” into his ear (they haven’t hit the always yes mark with andrew yet) 
  * andrew swallows thickly before answering and neil knows he’s got him 
  * andrew says yes and neil settles in his lap, straddling him, and takes off his shirt slowly
  * andrew is fuckin dying he has great self control but holy shit neil josten is the only one who can get under that and it’s too much
  * he starts to get a little angry because how the fuck. how the fuck can neil look like this, look at him like this, do this, and not look ridiculous
  * “if you don’t get off now you’re going to end up on the floor.”
  * “maybe that’s where i want to be”
  * andrew growls and neil smirks
  * let’s just say neil ends up with rug burn on his back 




	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "give me a neil that can beat renee in a knife fight."

Neil wasn’t sure why he’d decided to tag along with Andrew for sparring with Renee that day. Maybe it was because he was curious. Maybe it was because he wanted to keep an eye on Andrew, who had been on edge all day. Maybe he just had a feeling he should be there. Maybe he wanted to practice fighting with another person at his side, protecting another person, because he’d never done that before. (With his mother, it had always been save yourself, I’ll hold them back. Not fight _with_ me.)

Either way, he found himself sparring with Andrew at his side, Renee taking on both of them at once.

Renee took the first attack, lunging for Andrew and blocking the punch he sent at her. Neil assumed it was because she knew Andrew’s fighting style better and wasn’t sure about Neil’s, but that was her mistake.

He kicked her in the side, holding back only minutely, hard enough to make her drop.

She didn’t drop.

Instead, she turned on him, and he found himself smiling back at that sticky sweet smile she gave him.

“Andrew,” she said, turning her head to look at him. He looked up from his hand, which he’d injured in blocking. “Can I spar with Neil without you for a little bit?”

Andrew looked to Neil, who was frowning now. Neil looked back at him, catching the silent _‘Do you want to?’_ in his eyes. He nodded.

“He’s all yours. Don’t hurt him too bad. He’s fragile.”

Neil gave Andrew a small smile as he passed him and brushed fingertips against Neil’s back.

“We’ll be armed,” Renee stated, looking Neil in the eye. “Is that okay?”

Neil knew Renee’s weapon of choice would be a knife, and she was making sure he would be okay with that. Not that they’d be armed. Neil had always been scared of knives; his father had used them, Lola had used them, his mother had used them, and he had used them. He knew what could be done with a knife, so he had good reason to be terrified of them.

He nodded anyway.

“Are you positive?” Renee’s smile was still there. Her words sounded candy-coated.

“I’m sure.”

“Don’t be stupid, Abram.”

“I’m not. I’ll be fine.”

She stooped to dig into her bag for a moment before producing two pink permanent markers. Neil eyed them warily, but accepted the one she offered him. He’d never practiced with markers before, so he looked over her grip on it before adjusting his own carefully.

It felt weird, holding a marker the way he’d been taught to wield a knife. His fingers curled around it and uncurled experimentally a few times before he looked up at Renee.

She didn’t ask if he was ready before she started trying to circle him.

It was a stand-off for a few minutes. They stood just watching each other, looking for an opening, until Neil got fed up and launched himself toward her.

They grappled a few minutes, too. Neil blocked the hits she sent toward him, the kicks, and she did the same, shocking him by not putting her marker point out when she stopped his kick.

“You’re being cautious,” he stated, stopping with his marker held point out in front of his chest.

“You don’t know how to carry a knife.” Renee stood calmly, blowing a stray strand of hair from her face. Her smile was gone. “You need to learn.”

Neil felt his lips twitch upward. He sent himself toward her, ducking under the arms she sent out to block him, and sent her to the ground. Faintly, he heard Andrew take a step toward them. Renee kneed him in the gut, and he felt his breath go. She pushed him off her, placed her knee to his chest…

He grabbed her leg and side, shoved her off as hard as he could, and turned the tables. Neil blocked the stabs she sent toward his shoulders and chest, managed to grab her wrist. He knew the most classic move she could go for, and he intercepted it.

When she dropped the marker from her hands, intending to catch it lightning quick, he kicked her in the thigh. She went down on one knee, still managing to catch it, and sent all her weight out toward his stomach. He caught her, one arm around her back.

The other hand squeezed her wrist until it went numb and her marker clattered to the floor.

Neil kicked it away, slid his arm around her arms, and held her steadfast to his front, sitting on her calves. He held one of her arms tight enough he knew she could barely feel it, and leaned to whisper into her ear, his own marker at the edge of her throat.

“I was given a knife in _the cradle_ ,” he hissed, pressing the marker in harder. He heard her gasp. “I declined your offer to learn because I already knew. I’ve known since I was old enough to hold a knife, and I’ve been practiced ever since. My mother made me work on weapons in my free time, because she knew there would be a day when I couldn’t run, when I’d have to stop and fight.

“I am not helpless,” he added for effect, sliding the marker across her throat and leaving a long, hot pink mark even with her hairline.

When he let her go, he stood up and took the dropped marker from Andrew. As he capped it, Andrew came up behind him and placed one hand on the back of his neck. 

It was then that Neil realized he was smiling Nathaniel’s smile. 

His fist dug into his own mouth, forcing his lips against his teeth until they bled. 


	24. Chapter 24

_**ANDREIL + #144 (“You’re proud of me?”)** _ **  
**

Andrew’s lips were the best gift Neil could think of, especially when they were pressed against his neck. It had been weeks since they’d seen each other last, since Andrew had signed with his professional team and Neil was still attending Palmetto, and Neil had missed this. He’d missed going up to the roof with someone at the end of the day. He missed having someone around almost constantly to help hold him up. He missed Andrew’s indifference and Andrew’s voice and Andrew’s hands. He missed having Andrew there to shut the goal down when they needed it.

He caught Andrew’s lips with his own again, fingers tightening in his hair.

Andrew pulled back far too soon for Neil’s liking, reaching for the cigarettes next to them on the roof. He lit two, handed one to Neil, and sat back on Neil’s hips, legs on either side of him.

Neil kept his back to the roof, looking up at Andrew as his cigarette burned down.

“We didn’t make it,” he whispered after a few minutes. “We didn’t make it past the death matches this year.”

“I know,” Andrew replied, looking down at Neil again. “You think I don’t keep up?”

“We weren’t enough.” _I wasn’t enough_ , was what it really meant. He hadn’t been enough to carry the Foxes over, not without the rest of his family there with him.

Andrew sighed and stubbed what little was left of his cigarette out. He took Neil’s without asking, stubbed that one out as well, and leaned over Neil until their noses were just barely not touching.

“It is not your fault, Abram. They are the incompetent ones. All of them except Robin.”

“Andrew-”

“Do not interrupt me. You are not at fault. Your skills as a captain are abysmal, but you try. You play like your life is on the line on the court, which is true, but you are not the one who is at fault here. You will still sign with a professional team, and you will get to live as Neil Josten for years. Ichirou will not take that from you.

“You made it this far again, when before you this team couldn’t stay together for one game. Stop feeling bad for yourself.”

_I’m proud of you._

Neil felt a smile tug at his lips. Andrew’s roundabout way of saying things to make him feel better was unique, and he enjoyed it more than he’d ever admit.

“You’re proud of me?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Neil did, watching Andrew light himself another cigarette. He knew Andrew would have to leave again in the morning and he wanted to get down to what they’d come up here to do, but he allowed himself a few moments to marvel at him before mumbling, “Are we going to finish what we were doing or not?”


	25. Chapter 25

_**ANDREIL + #120 (“Your hair is so soft…”)** _

Neil inhaled deeply, his eyes tightening as Andrew fell off to the side of him. “God,” he breathed, opening his eyes once Andrew hooked an arm under his shoulders and pulled him closer.

Andrew stayed silent, letting Neil adjust himself so he could get comfortable against Andrew’s side.

“You yelled my name again,” he said once Neil was comfortable, his arm slung over Andrew’s abdomen and head on Andrew’s shoulder.

Neil buried his response of an embarrassed grin in his shoulder, shivering at the feeling of Andrew’s fingers brushing up his spine. He heard Andrew scoff as his fingers pushed into Neil’s curls, and felt him shift slightly.

“You need a haircut.”

“I’m growing it out,” Neil replied, propping his chin up on Andrew’s collarbone to look at him. It was met with a blank, searching stare. “I like it longer.”

“The ends are split.”

“Is that bad?”

Andrew glared at him, which was a “yes.” “We’ll get you conditioner or stronger shampoo when we go to the store. Not that you need conditioner. It’s soft enough already.”

Neil smiled again, looking over Andrew’s expression as he watching his hand brush through Neil’s hair. It was one of the moments where those three words hung in the air, but neither of them would say them.

Andrew flicked his forehead. “Stop looking like that.”

“Like what?” he pouted, lifting his hand to rub at the spot Andrew hit.

“Shut up. Like I’m your answer.”

“You are my answer.”

“I will not hesitate to push you off this bed.”


	26. Chapter 26

**_ANDREIL + #127 (“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”)_   
**

Neil made his way onto the bus with everyone else, riding the adrenaline high from the game they’d just won. He dropped into his seat right in front of Andrew sideways, leaning against the window, feet up in front of him.

It was only a few minutes on the road before his body crashed. He fell asleep with his math homework in his lap, head lolling against the window. He dreamt of Exy, of Andrew, of his family.

They arrived at the first rest stop and Neil was pulled out of sleep by something hitting him in the gut.

“Rise and shine, Abram.”

“Coach wants to know if you want coffee.”

Neil looked between Andrew and Nicky, then down at the calculator that had been tossed at him. He picked it up and sat up a little, wiping his eyes. “Sure.”

“He said yeah,” Nicky called up the bus as he walked away.

Neil turned his attention to Andrew, who had his arms folded on the top of Neil’s seat and was looking down at him. “No wonder you were so quiet. I’d even prepared myself for Exy talk all the way home.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” he yawned, putting together the homework he wasn’t going to get done and shoving it into his bag. Andrew watched him the entire time, looking bored and a little tired. Neil looked up at him when he was done and smiled sleepily. “What? Did I drool?”

“No,” Andrew said only after he wiped his mouth. “Get back here.”

Neil frowned in confusion as Andrew disappeared into his own seat again, but stood up and dropped next to him anyway.

Andrew curled his hand around the back of Neil’s neck and tugged his head down until it was resting on his shoulder. The idea Andrew was trying to get across was muffled by the fog in Neil’s head, but he shifted until his feet were propped on the seat in front of him and his head rested on Andrew’s shoulder, just against the curve of his neck.

“Coffee,” Wymack said a moment later, approaching Neil’s seat to find it empty. He glanced back to Andrew’s seat, knowing if anyone knew where he’d gone it would be Andrew, and found himself taken aback by the image. Neil was looking up at him from his place pressed against Andrew, almost in what seemed like confusion, and when he realized it was Wymack he smiled and sat up.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, taking the paper cup Wymack held out to him. “You probably shouldn’t be giving us this this late.”

Wymack coughed out a laugh as he turned around. “You’re cute when you’re half asleep, Josten.”

Neil grinned and took a drink of the coffee, then offered it over to Andrew. He dropped his head back onto Andrew’s shoulder as he drank, closing his eyes.

Andrew kept one arm over Neil’s shoulders the rest of the way home, holding the cup of coffee in his lap. Neil’s fingers laced together with Andrew’s only a few minutes before he fell asleep again.

Neil groaned when someone flicked his temple, forcing him out of sleep again.

“Get up, Josten.”

He groaned again, opening one eye to look up at Aaron.

“No one else is going to dare to wake up Andrew.”

Neil tensed when he realized any movement he made could wake up Andrew, who was holding onto him just as he had been when they’d fallen asleep. He gently slid his hand from Andrew’s, careful to keep his movements steady, and took the coffee from Andrew’s lap. He handed it off to Aaron, who took it and watched them carefully.

“Andrew,” Neil said, slipping out of Andrew’s grip. “Andrew, wake up.”

As soon as Neil set his arm down, Andrew’s eyes snapped open and he started to lift his arm again, threatening. It took a second for him to realize it was Neil sitting there next to him, and he was on the bus, and they were back at Palmetto. When he did, his alert eyes went back to their bored counterparts.

Neil stood, gathered his stuff, and walked off between the two twins.

Halfway between the dorms and the stadium, Neil nodded off in the car. After being woken up twice, it was easy to do, and he did so with his head on Nicky’s shoulder in the backseat.

This time, he stayed asleep. He stayed asleep through Andrew carrying him to the elevator, grumbling about what a pain he was. He stayed asleep through wrapping his arms around Andrew’s neck and mumbling his name against his neck. He stayed asleep through Nicky almost getting killed for taking pictures in the elevator, through Andrew unceremoniously dropping him into the same bed he climbed into only a few seconds later, through Andrew telling Kevin to turn off the game already.

He slept until morning, when he woke to find Andrew staring at him, looking well-rested but annoyed. When he smiled at Andrew, the annoyance only increased, as did the percentage. 


	27. Chapter 27

_**NICKY/ERIK + #70 (“Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”)** _

“Erik!”

Nicky found himself cutting through a crowd of people as fast as he could, his chest light, his hands shaking already. He burst through and laughed, jumping into Erik’s waiting arms and slipping his own arms around Erik’s neck. His face buried between his arm and Erik’s neck, and all his mind could scream as he tried to control himself was Erik Erik Erik Erik and home home home home.

“I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you more,” Nicky mumbled, his voice shaking a little.

“Oh, don’t cry,” Erik whispered, setting him back down on his feet and smiling at him. Nicky inhaled shakily. He gently brushed his thumbs across Nicky’s cheeks, right beneath his eyes.

“I’m not crying,” he said indignantly, smacking Erik’s hands away. He smiled wider, then reached behind Erik to grab the handle of the bag he’d brought with him. “Come on. Let’s go.”

—

Within three hours, they were naked in bed in Columbia. Nicky’s limbs were liquid as he rested against Erik’s chest, his eyes closed, listening to the thump of Erik’s heart.

He shifted around a little after a few seconds, moving to rest his chin on Erik’s chest so he could see his face. A smile tugged at his lips again. “Hi,” he muttered, reaching one hand up and brushing stray hair from Erik’s face. He squeaked when his palm was captured in a tight grip and snickered at Erik’s grin.

“Hello,” Erik replied in English, pressing his lips to the center of Nicky’s palm. A rush of heat rode through Nicky’s body. Lips pressed to the tips of each of his fingers, featherlight and soft.

Nicky licked his lips, closing his eyes and burying his face in Erik’s chest. It never failed that his more reserved side came out around Erik. It was how he naturally was; he just overplayed his outgoing side for the sake of the twins. With Erik, he was free to be who he was without any restraints. That had been clear from the moment they met.

“I love you,” he whispered, and when Erik stilled and silence hung in the air, he wondered if he’d done something wrong. He looked up again, peeking through his eyelashes in concern, to find Erik looking at him like Nicky was the blissfully moonless sky and he was a werewolf. “Did I-”

Erik opened his mouth and Nicky stopped midsentence, but Erik didn’t say anything. He closed his mouth again and smiled close-lipped at him instead, then brushed his fingers through Nicky’s hair. “I love you, too.”

“English again?” Nicky teased, tapping a finger to the tip of Erik’s nose. He was dying to know what Erik was going to say, but he wasn’t going to push it. He’d be told when it was time.

“I do need practice, if I’m going out with you and your friends again.”

“They’re in New York.”

Erik frowned. “And you didn’t go with them?”

“I wanted you for myself.”

The frown was quickly replaced with another smile. Nicky buried his face in Erik’s chest again, laughing when Erik simply spread his hand over his face and continued placing lazy, light kisses on his palm.

—

Christmas morning, Nicky and Erik both woke up late morning and spent a good two hours in bed. They spent the day together, and made it over to Abby’s to join Abby, Wymack, and Bee for dinner. The night ended with Erik asleep in Nicky’s lap by midnight and an impromptu sleepover at Abby’s.

New Year’s Eve, Nicky made them both hot chocolate the way his mother used to make it, and they curled up on the couch to watch the festivities. Nicky wound up texting with Matt through a good portion of it, talking about their break so far and whether or not the rest of them were in the crowd. (They were. At least, Matt, Dan, Renee, and Allison were. The rest had chosen to stay behind, and for good reason. None of them fared too well in crowds.) Erik managed to stay awake this time only because he wasn’t drinking alcohol.

Then it was time for Erik to return to Germany.

Nicky pouted almost the entire day before, wishing Erik didn’t have to go or he could go with him. Every time Erik caught him at it, he swiped his thumb across Nicky’s lip and kissed his forehead. It only made Nicky miss him more.

He still hadn’t told Nicky what he’d almost said that first day, either.

More instances had happened since then, too. There was one almost every day. New Year’s Eve had heralded the most perplexing of them all, with Erik asking, “Can I ask you something?” and then doing his mysterious disappearing voice act.

Nicky was getting frustrated. Whatever this question was, it was big, since this was unlike Erik. Erik could normally come out and say something to him without holding back. It was something he loved about their relationship: no sugar-coating allowed, unless it was absolutely necessary. This was worse than sugar-coating, though. It was full out omission.

They arrived at the airport a few hours early so Erik would have enough time to get through security and onto the plane. The flight left early in the morning, so both were exhausted when they made it to the airport, and that made Nicky more irritable than he wanted to be seeing Erik off.

The hug they shared lasted longer than normal, and the kiss they shared felt off.

Just as Erik started to walk away, Nicky found his mouth speaking before he could tell it to stop. Damn, he hated some of the habits he’d formed while at Palmetto.

“Are you really going to leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

Erik turned around, only a few steps away, and let his eyes search Nicky’s almost frantically. The next words were the last ones Nicky had expected to hear, let alone hear them in English.

“When you graduate, will you marry me?”

Nicky stopped breathing. He felt his eyes well with tears, then felt Erik’s thumbs brushing against his cheeks again. Why was he so good?

“We can’t get married,” he pointed out, voice soft, barely a breath as he memorized every happy detail of Erik’s face.

“We can join in a legal partnership,” he said, his voice more confident than Nicky’s. Only his shaking hands betrayed him. “Say yes.”

“Yes.” Nicky’s smile was watery. “Yes. Of course. A thousand times yes.”

The last kiss Erik placed on his lips was right again. He took his time, and when he had to let go he did it fleetingly.

Nicky got a text twenty minutes later, and all it said was “ _I’ll send the ring in the mail._ ”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> abby and neil

 

  * we know abby is like the Team Mom™ so imagine neil being really wary when he starts to think about abby that way 
  * everyone on the team calls her mom after matt accidentally does it and even neil does it (but only once. there was a team party and he was a little drunk and he called her mom instead of abby by accident and abby almost cried) 
  * neil and abby make a pretty good connection after everything happens? he’s always getting injured (he’s neil so ofc) on the court and off and she takes care of the light injuries and they start talking casually
  * neil doesn’t like bee but he l o v e s abby (not that he’ll ever admit it to her) and he finds that odd since bee and abby are both big sweethearts? 
  * neil gradually gets closer to abby as he gets closer to wymack and he totally knows their relationship is Real but he doesnt push since they dont push about andrew
  * the real breaking point of neil’s relationship with abby is when he ruins some press people and wymack yells at him to come over so he can tell him off (more carefully worded, but neil knows what it means) and neil shows up as abby is leaving carrying an overnight bag and he just kind of stops and stares at her and she begs him not to tell anyone (he doesn’t but he thinks its hilarious when the new foxes say theyre not together) (wymack lets him off the hook when neil walks in and says “so. abby.” 
  * lbr neil has bad days and sometimes he has to call abby so she can make sure he doesnt do anything to himself and if he does she can patch him up if andrew is busy/at class/somewhere else (building off my “neil burns his hand when thinking about lola because he got too close to fire” hc) 
  * and during the summer he and andrew and aaron and nicky dont always feel like being in columbia so they go and stay with abby a few days and neil and abby are always the first ones up and they have breakfast together 
  * i could probably come up w more but these r off the top of my head rn aaa neil and abby are cute tho 




	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neil josten + reporters using his past against him

  * post game press is never a good idea for neil to do but they always send andrew and at least one other out with him to keep and eye and direct convos
  * this time it’s renee out with them
  * and this time the reporters are out for blood
  * it would be okay if this one reporter- lets call him jim- wasnt a raven fan and wasnt out for blood
  * “josten!” “josten, do you have any comments on riko moriyama’s supposed suicide after championships last year? you publicly dragged his name through the mud multiple times…” 
  * “it is sad that his only joy in life was winning exy games. next question.” -neil
  * renee thinks he handled that quite well tbh so she lets it slide
  * but then jim brings himself to the front again “no comment on riko himself? that’s unlike you, nathaniel”
  * literally the entire room goes silent
  * wymack has been standing off to the side keeping an eye on them too and he’s completely still from shock because thats the first time any reporter has done that
  * neil has his eyes on jim and he looks like he’s going to crack
  * andrew is interested but he knows neil is going to break any second and he’s supposed to help with that so he puts his hand on the back of neil’s neck and steers him away from the reporters after that
  * renee is honestly a little murderous here and jim keeps bringing up neils past and asking what its like to be playing with the son of a known murderer? 
  * the other reporters are delving into those questions too
  * by now the foxes are flooding out of the locker rooms and wymack is trying to get jim taken from the press crowd but renee is still deflecting questions to buy some time for wymack to handle jim and make sure security never lets him in again
  * the other foxes hear “nathaniel wesninski” and “the butcher” and “baltimore” and more and they look at each other, at the press room, and flood in behind renee and start taking questions themselves
  * the newest foxes are even joining in and answering like they have no idea why they should hate being on the same team as neil
  * only jack is saying mean stuff about neil but even thats kind of coated in supportive statements (”hes horrible but hes a good player for a rookie”)
  * “what’s it like to be on the same team as the man who was almost your number three, mr day?” 
  * “he’s far more deserving of the spot than anyone i can think of currently.” 
  * basically it takes 20 minutes for security to realize jim is being a fuckin dick and escort him out (lbr, he’s kicking and yelling questions behind him still. it’s dramatic) 
  * the foxes deflect all the questions angrily and answer them as vaguely as possible but yet as honestly as possible
  * neil and andrew come out after the press room has been cleared and neil is suddenly in the middle of this giant group hug and hes taken aback but he kind of nestles into matt’s chest (shut up its cute ok) and tries to hug them all back 
  * because theyre his family. they’re there for him when he cant be for himself and he loves them and hes grateful and he doesnt know what this is for but hes pretty okay with it
  * (wymack breaks up the group hug by saying hes going to puke if they dont stop now because its too sappy for his stomach to handle) (he wraps an arm around neil’s shoulders later as theyre celebrating their victory at abby’s house though and hugs him very briefly) (it shocks neil and he’s eyeing wymack a little weird for the next ten-twenty minutes)




	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + first meeting

  * nicky is terrified 
    * he’s entering this new country and he’s not the best at german but he can get his way through it pretty well
    * he’s never known anything but columbia and south carolina and hating himself and thinking he’s failed the big guy up above
    * he doesnt know if being in germany will change anything, his mindset, his life, his everything
  * the plane lands and he’s still terrified. he takes his first step on german ground and hes still scared. he can barely breathe as he heads for arrivals with his luggage
  * once there he sees this guy
  * he’s covered in muscles and hes looking a little bored and he’s got a face nicky would crawl in a hole and die alone for 
  * and he’s holding a sign with one hand that says “nicholas hemmick” 
  * all nicky can think is “ _shit, i’m falling in love with my brother already. i’m the worst christian alive._ ” 
  * when he meets erik he’s shaky
  * he holds out one hand to shake his hand and it trembles so hard erik laughs a little and wraps both of his hands around it
  * “i’m erik,” he says and nicky has to bite his tongue. “erik klose. nice to meet you.” 
  * nicky’s german is shaky and he knows he got his pronunciation wrong  somehow like he ALWAYS does but he bites out “im nicholas. please call me nicky.” 
  * erik tests out the name and nicky swears heaven just fell on him right then and there and he has to shake himself out of it and tighten his hand around the handle of his bag
  * “let’s go, nicky. you have an entire family to meet” 
  * the idea of that is terrifying in itself- a family, another one, another family to make him hate himself and make him terrified of living and worried all the time and maybe he’ll have to start keeping his journals in some other language so he can let out his emotions, how hard is french to learn? 
  * but when nicky meets them they speak to him in choppy english and have an entire meal prepared for him and laugh at his nervous jokes and let him explain some english phrases and they do the same for him and german and they play card games together and it’s actually fun?
  * he writes in his journal a positive entry for the first time since finding out he would be able to study abroad his senior year
  * ~~half of it is about erik and how nice erik was to him but thats not relevant yet~~




	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andreil + jealousy (for andrew.)

  * the new foxes are insufferable
  * at least thats what andrew thinks every time more are added
  * the one neil recruited is the worst of all, he’s just as bad as neil is
  * neil is oblivious to just how much flirting all of the new foxes do with him though
  * his pretty face and his path to fame and his entire being make the baby foxes go crazy, specifically the girls joining the team who swing that way
  * (only two of them dont and the sexual tension between them is palpable) 
  * anyway, neil is oblivious. foxes keep flirting with him.
  * nicky thinks its hilarious
  * (only andrews lot is left of the original fam rn, the rest graduated, but nicky keeps them updated on Everything Neil every day and they all know so much about the flirting and are genuinely worried for the new recruits) 
  * it mostly happens on wednesdays when andrew and aaron arent there, because if they are andrew is usually around neil and he’s intimidating so the foxes try to steer clear a little bit
  * but one wednesday andrew and aaron skip half the session with bee and go to practice, since the big game is coming up against the strongest in their district and neil asked them to come (neil “i just asked” josten)
  * neil shows up without them, goes through the usual drill with all the other foxes, warming them up and everything, 
  * jamie (lets call him jamie) is flirting hardcore with neil. like, batting his eyes, complimenting him on his running, on every shot he takes
  * jamie feigns messing up his shot, all so neil will do that thing where he comes up behind him and fixes his stance and grip on the racquet
  * everyone but nicky is rolling their eyes because it’s so ridiculous. jamie has the hots for neil and he doesnt bother trying to hide it
  * that’s when andrew and aaron walk in
  * right when neil is touching jamie’s thigh and telling him “jamie fix your stance. i know you’ll be running when you take this shot but seriously your leg needs to be tight if you’re stationary and taking it” 
  * hes knelt down in front of jamie, touching his thigh, his back to the doors, 
  * jamie is looking down at him and he says “well this is quite the pre-DICK-ament we’re in” 
  * neil smiles at the jokes despite himself because it was so absolutely stupid and he taunts back “stop being re-DICK-ulous and ifx your stance or i’ll make kevin do it” 


  * (”hey im not getting down there you’re the captain here josten” “shut up kevin”)
  * andrew is all geared up already (he chose to skip warm ups. what an idiot he’ll pull something) and heard the entire exchange and knows jamie is flirting from that stupid look on his face and his tone
  * so when neil is still kneeling in front of jamie and tells him to try taking the shot he just reaches out and blocks it
  * neil is smiling still when turns around
  * later that same day neil is like “hey andrew ill be back jamie just texted me and said he needs some help with french”
  * andrew heard jamie talking earlier in the day with his roommates, telling them they should clear out around nine so he could “get his freak on” (actual quote. jamie is a nerd pass it on)
  * he tells neil he’s not going anywhere and locks the door and stands in front of it
  * neil is like “?????????” and thinks andrew just wants to make out
  * andrew hates him so much hes such an idiot
  * “can’t this wait? he’s failing french and i can help”
  * “tell him to call kevin. you’re not going over there.” 
  * neil is still “????????” and he’s just looking at andrew in confusion and he’s shocked because honestly? usually he can just ask for something and it happens
  * “andrew seriously he’ll get cut from the team-”
  * “you’re not going over there.”
  * “why? what’s your problem with him?” 
  * “he’s trying to fuck you.” 
  * neil chokes on air “w-what” 
  * “yes. now sit down and tell kevin to deal with it.” 
  * neil does but only because he’s shocked and really?? really he can see it clearly now??? jamie is trying to fuck him
  * “oh my god” 
  * “shut up”
  * “you’re jealous”
  * “i said shut up”
  * “thats why you blocked that shot”
  * “i’m not jealous. i don’t get jealous. i’m protecting you.”
  * neil doesnt reply but he does look at andrew like _that_ and andrew literally hates him so much why does he insist on keeping him around




	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + first kiss.

  * as u know, nicky was terrified when he landed in germany
  * the first person he met was erik
  * and he fell in love almost instantly
  * but he’s hidden it all this time
  * he’s hidden the fact that he’s gay, even, because that’s what he’s been trained to do
  * he’s been going to school with erik (theyre totally the same age, only about a month or two apart in birthdays) and he’s friends with erik’s friends and stuff
  * his family is grateful to have him honestly and he feels so nice with them
  * he’s so happy he has friends and he’s got a family and his life is coming together and maybe some things do change and get better and he can believe that now
  * nicky is happy, genuinely happy and confident, for the first time in forever
  * he’s out with his friends, with erik
  * erik may have gotten a little drunk and nicky, little innocent nicky, is like “ _maybe he wont remember this in the morning. i need to tell someone here, though, or i’ll go insane_ ”
  * so he’s walking home with erik and erik has his arm around nicky’s shoulders and he’s smiling and it’s this really nice silence
  * but nicky is kind of tense
  * and he just looks down at the ground and blurts out “i’m gay” in english because he doesnt know exactly what the word for homosexual is in german not at this moment
  * as soon as the words are out of his mouth he feels this huge weight in his chest and he’s just thinking “ _i should not have done that that was horrible i shouldnt have done that he hates me now he’ll hate me he’s christian like me he’ll think im disgusting_ _i’m so stupid i’m so **stupid**_ ” and he’s about to start crying



 

  * erik stops in his tracks and nicky, nicky continues on a few steps before turning around, distancing himself so erik can’t hit him because he’s been hit before for it, at school
  * nicky still has his head ducked and he’s wiping his cheeks and erik is just staring at him because this kid,
  * erik can tell this kid, his friend, his ‘brother’ is hurting and it’s not a reason to be hurting. erik is gay as well. some of his friends are gay. he’s really known from day one nicky was likely gay and he had a purpose behind letting nicky into his friend group and taking nicky in, this poor, poor pastor’s son
  * he opens his mouth but no words come out and he curses under his breath and just steps forward
  * nicky flinches back a little and erik feels his breath catch in his chest
  * “nicky-”
  * “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have told you. i’m christian. you’re christian. i’m not supposed to be gay. i’ve tried so hard-”
  * and nicky goes into minor panic mode and starts whispering the bible mantras they ground into his head at that conversion camp. u know the one. the one his parents sent him to
  * erik cannot believe this
  * he’s reaching out again and this time he gets to wrap his arms around nicky and he holds him against his chest and hides his face in nicky’s hair because he’s going to start crying too
  * they’re on this public street and nicky is crying and whispering bible mantras and erik is just holding him, holding him close and tight and shushing him and he has no idea why nicky is doing this but he’s got a good guess since he’s a smart kid
  * nicky can’t walk like this though and erik doesnt want him out here like this. he knows nicky and knows nicky will be embarrassed
  * so without thinking much about it (he’s a little drunk, remember?) he scoops nicky up and takes him home
  * at first nicky falters in his repetition because he’s never been carried like this, his legs over erik’s arms, cradled against his chest, ever before. sure, erik’s carried him, but it was jokingly, thrown over his shoulder to be thrown into a friend’s pool or erik, proving he could carry nicky on his shoulders and jokingly benching him (which nicky will look back on and see it as it really was: FLIRTING)
  * next thing u know??? erik is setting nicky down against the tree in his backyard and he’s sitting next to him and asking “are you okay?” 
  * nicky is breathing hard and wiping at his eyes again but he nods
  * “listen to me.” erik tells him, and nicky looks up at the ferocity in erik’s voice. the german he speaks is biting and angry and nicky thinks it’s directed at him at first until erik continues 
  * “whoever did this to you is not correct. they do not know the first thing of religion. homosexuality may be a sin, nicky, and we may be sinners, but faith is meant to forgive and love the sinner. you should be proud of who you are, and embrace it. forgive yourself. it is your life and your place to forgive and be loved by yourself. it is not their place to destroy you so much.” 
  * erik continues but nicky tunes out a little, staring at erik like it’s the first time he’s seeing him
  * erik is beautiful
  * his hair is light and his skin is lighter and his eyes are beautiful and sparkling when he’s angry and his face is smooth and his body is hard and he smells like outdoorsy stuff, the stuff no one nicky has ever been with has smelled like, and it smells homey, and erik is homey, erik is treating him with kindness and looks like he wants to do unspeakable things to nicky’s parents (the things nicky has imagined doing before, then prayed away) 
  * but really, nicky has hung on to the word “we” 
  * he hangs onto it for days. weeks. two months, to be exact
  * nicky only has one month left before he has to go back to the united states
  * he’s accepted himself by now. he’s forgiven himself for how he is, he’s able to love himself and be loved, he’s able to say “i’m gay” without breaking down (he told his family after the night with erik, thinking they should know, and erik’s- their- friends after that, only to find erik had been out the entire time too so really nicky had nothing to worry about) 
  * he’s been flirting shamelessly with erik only to find erik flirting back 
  * he’s been caught staring a few times
  * (he’s caught erik too)
  * so. it’s one month left before he has to go home and tell his actual parents about how the “cure” didn’t work and he’s still gay and he’s going to move back to germany after graduation and if they don’t like that they can just not contact him 
  * nicky is sitting outside with erik and erik’s friends and they’ve been joking around and laughing and talking about how they should go do something sometime soon, somewhere in the city, all of them, to celebrate nicky’s last month and make it memorable
  * nicky jokingly suggests they sneak into a gay club and everyone laughs (little did nicky know that was what they’d actually end up doing)
  * everyone leaves after making plans and it’s just nicky and erik, sitting under that tree again
  * “are you scared to go home?”
  * “no. i’ll be back in germany afterward, anyway.” 
  * “you’ll be back? are you serious?”
  * “of course. i’m loved here.” (he says it jokingly but he knows it’s true)
  * “you are.” (erik’s heart skips a beat when he says that)
  * nicky smiles and picks at his fingernails
  * he turns his head to say something else to erik and suddenly erik’s lips are on his and he’s forgotten what he was going to say
  * his eyes are wide open and erik is pulling away and apologizing 
  * nicky recovers from the shock of it and grins
  * he thanks the lord above that erik chose to wear a collared shirt that day as he grabs the collar and pulls erik in for another kiss 
  * after they stop nicky is breathing way too hard and he jokes about maybe having a heart attack 
  * erik agrees through a really breathy laugh and kisses him again
  * “i’m glad we’re sitting down. i think my legs may have given out” -nicky after the third kiss
  * “do you need me to carry you?” -erik
  * “please” -nicky, jokingly
  * erik sweeps him up again and nicky laughs and erik feels so much love for this boy he cannot believe it 
  * nicky is ecstatic he’s liked erik since he laid eyes on him and now they’re doing this and he’s coming back in a few months and he cannot believe this!!!!!! 
  * turns out erik comes around to columbia after graduating school in germany and is there for nicky after he tells his parents and everything




	33. Chapter 33

**_ANDREIL + #9 (”I don’t think I can do this anymore.”)_ **

  * it’s neil’s turn for a bad day
  * he’s felt the bite of a knife and smelt his own melting flesh all day, 
  * seen his father in every older man he’s encountered, even wymack, 
  * not even exy is helping today
  * what makes it worse is that it’s their first death match tonight
  * he’s so out of it and the entire time they warm up on the court he’s slow. he’s always one step behind everyone else, his thoughts elsewhere, on ichirou and the events of last year and how if they don’t make it through death matches this year he’s screwed
  * matt keeps giving him worried looks
  * so do nicky and dan and kevin and all the new foxes
  * (the new foxes haven’t ever seen neil like this. it’s kind of scaring them) 
  * kevin knows how he feels but he doesn’t know how to broach the subject, since he’s in the same position
  * it’s only a little bit before they have to go out
  * neil feels a hand press to the back of his neck and freezes until he remembers the only person who does that without permission is andrew 
  * he takes the comfort andrew tries to put into him and keeps it until wymack calls him back into the inner ring halfway through the first half, where he sits on the bench with his head in his hands
  * he only got three goals when he promised five
  * he wishes wymack would have kept him out 
  * he’s sitting next to andrew when halftime hits, and he’s bouncing one leg restlessly, then tapping his fingers
  * andrew snaps at him to stop and he snaps back
  * “stop that” “fuck you”
  * everyone freezes and stares in anticipation and fear


  * andrew sneers at neil and hisses “follow me” and stalks out of the locker room
  * neil considers ignoring him, but he knows andrew would wait there until neil comes, even if thats after the game, so he follows hesitantly
  * andrew pulls him into the gear room of all places
  * “talk. explain.”
  * neil grinds his teeth together and stares at andrew through the dark, breathing hard
  * he can tell  he’s about to panic
  * andrew can tell too
  * “yes or no”
  * neil is quiet still
  * andrew places his hand on the back of neil’s neck, but doesn’t grip tightly. he knows thats the one place neil has no reservations about
  * “yes. or. no.” 
  * neil nods
  * so andrew shoves him back against the stick rack and frames neil’s face in his hands and forces him to look at him, holding his eyes open with his thumbs
  * “talk.” 
  * so neil does
  * “i don’t think i can do this anymore i want to run i don’t want to do this don’t make me do this we’re going to lose and he’s going to kill me and i just found a life i just became me i don’t want to die”
  * andrew drops his hands and neil rubs at his eyes
  * “then run. leave this behind. you can run if you want.” 
  * neil is looking at him like he’s crazy
  * “i can’t do that” 
  * “then why did you say it”
  * “because i want to-”
  * “no, you don’t. if you wanted to, you would have been gone long ago. you’re stuck, josten, so stop wanting to.” 
  * neil is still panicking a little but now he’s more confused than anything
  * “you and kevin are the only reason we’re going through this again. don’t screw it up.”
  * and andrew leaves the room, letting neil finish out his panicking on his own
  * neil does, and when he makes his way back out just in time for second half to start. he’s still jittery but he’s more focused
  * they win by one point
  * neil has never seen andrew shut down the goal like that. usually at least one ball gets through, so andrew can keep up an illusion of not being able to totally block them out, but this time he blocked every single shot. all eighteen shots made in that 45 minute period
  * neil looks at him like he’s made of gold
  * their time on the roof later is a little intense that night




	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the foxes + finding out neil's mother beat him

  * the foxes are playing truth or dare 
  * theyre drunk
  * it was just for the sake of getting drunk, on vacation 
  * they’re sitting around outside in the dark in the sand on the beach
  * theres just a lit lantern between them, buried in the sand, and it’s bright enough for everyone to be able to see each others faces
  * dan is leaning back against matt, sitting between his legs
  * allison is next to them, splitting a bottle of vodka with kevin, who is next to her
  * renee is sitting next to kevin and andrew
  * neil is laying in the sand and has his head in andrew’s lap 
  * nicky has neil’s feet in his lap (he put them there, he’d been intending to massage them for some reason but he got distracted by the hard lemonades dan had produced) 
  * nicky starts it by pointing at matt and yelling “TRUTH OR DARE” 
  * from matt’s dare (no talking to neil for the rest of the night) they continue on, making it to everyone but neil and andrew 
  * neil chooses carefully when it comes to him (andrew chose dare and had to let nicky take a picture of them and post it to social media without killing him)
  * he chooses truth
  * they’re the foxes, after all. his family. they know what’s good and what’s not
  * “is andrew the first person you’ve kissed?” -nicky, after a long silence
  * “no”
  * “what?! who?!?” 
  * “i don’t remember her name.”
  * “HER?!” 
  * “yeah. it was in canada.” 
  * “when you were-”
  * “yes”
  * andrew is the next one to speak, but he and kevin say the same thing 
  * “your mother?” 
  * neil grimaces “why would i kiss my mom?”
  * andrew flicks neil in the forehead 
  * “what did she do? isn’t a girl a tie? wasn’t she a threat?” -kevin, knowing more about this than anyone. it was what it was like with thea at first, especially when he left. that’s why he didn’t tell thea anything
  * neil closes off a little and everyone can feel the change, but neil has been drinking too so he still shares
  * “oh, she was. mom beat me afterward, reminding me of the trouble we were in” 
  * he feels andrew tense beneath him and frowns, looking up 
  * the tension all around him has changed
  * he looks at the angry faces around him and frowns and mutters “what? what did i say?” 
  * “she beat you.” -matt
  * “for kissing a girl?” -nicky
  * “i wish i could hunt her down and-” -allison
  * “i cant believe wymack was actually right at first” -dan
  * andrew’s not saying anything but he’s looking at aaron and aaron is looking right back at him 
  * aaron looks down first and then andrew looks back at neil and neil can feel the weight in his stare 
  * “it wasn’t often,” he promises everyone, but that only makes them angrier
  * he shuts up
  * it’s a few minutes of silence, just the waves crashing on the beach, and neil is itching for a cigarette so he asks “yes or no” and then reaches into andrew’s pocket and lights up
  * andrew takes the cigarette and smokes off it but lets neil hold it otherwise
  * the foxes go inside not long after, and neil regrets saying anything and vows never to pick truth again if he’s been drinking




	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky hemmick, nicky/erik + the attack outside eden's

  * so. we all know about the attack
  * nicky, four men, outside eden’s twilight, andrew almost kills them.
  * that’s the most basic way to say it
  * but nicky’s always had some problems with his homosexuality
  * that’s pretty out there too, especially the response after telling his parents he’s still gay and having to leave erik to take care of his cousins before they were relinquished to his parents (a fate he’d wish on no one)
  * he’s been working, but he’s got the night off and he wants to party
  * so he does!
  * he’s had a wonderful night and he was dancing with this really hot guy and he’s out in the alley next to eden’s, making out with the same guy
  * then he hears it


  * _“look, two faggots.”_
  * _“you know what we do to faggots?”_
  * and the guy is ripped off him
  * the men are drunk and look scrawny and nicky’s been working out whenever he gets time off because it takes his mind off things so he thinks he can take them and run if he needs to 
  * he’s drunk, though, so he’s not really thinking straight
  * the guy he’d been making out with runs
  * so all four men turn on nicky
  * suddenly he’s got a fist in his face, in his gut,
  * he’s on his knees and he’s begging them to stop through the blood in his mouth
  * and he’s on the ground and the only thing he can hear is the rush of blood in his ears and his heartbeat pounding hard (he’s lucky. these guys are spitting endless slurs at him) and he can barely suck in a breath since the feet in his gut are neverending
  * he passes out
  * when he wakes up, he’s in the hospital
  * he’s got tubes in his nose and an iv in his arm 
  * aaron is at his side but all he says when he sees nicky’s woken up is 
  * “they took andrew”
  * “what?” nicky’s voice is soft and breathy and it hurts to talk but he does anyway. he needs to know
  * “they took andrew. he’s in jail.” 
  * nicky is alert immediately when that’s said and he’s asking aaron for his phone
  * aaron hands it over and nicky’s immediately calling erik, time zones and long distance be damned
  * “hello? it’s two am here. why are you calling me?” (poor erik doesn’t know it’s nicky. he’s so confused and he hasn’t kept up with any news from Columbia like he normally does yet (he checks every other day)) 
  * “it’s nicky”
  * “nicky! why do you sound so-”
  * “i’m in the hospital. some guys beat me up outside the club and i- they took andrew, erik. he’s in jail.” 
  * erik is silent
  * “erik?”
  * “do you know what happened exactly?” 
  * “no. aaron might-”
  * “put him on the phone.”
  * so he does
  * he listens as aaron explains that nicky was attacked outside the club with another guy, and the guy ran inside. he knew who nicky was and got andrew, since andrew was the first worker he saw, and andrew came outside as fast as he could. andrew starts in on the men, defending nicky, but he gets carried away and goes too far. at least three of them are in the hospital with broken bones and blood loss and two of them have punctured internal organs
  * nicky’s crying again for two reasons
    * one: he was beaten almost to death by four men because he’s homosexual. it’s almost as bad as when he was went to conversion camp. he can still hear what they said when they found them in the alley
    * two: andrew has barely spoken two words to nicky, and he just defended him and almost killed men for him, and now he’s going to go to juvie again. he broke his promise to keep them safe. aaron’s going to end up with his parents. he failed
  * the crying hurts and nicky is wheezing 
  * aaron stops talking and looks up at nicky with worry clear on his face and he’s reaching a hand out and curling it around nicky’s tightly, but that only makes nicky cry harder because he doesn’t want to lose aaron, he doesn’t want to fail him, he’s failed too many people in his life
  * then aaron is pressing the phone to his ear for him and erik is talking to him and he can’t make sense of any of it through the fog in his head seconds after aaron lets go of his hand and hits the button to let more morphine into his system 
  * he’s still crying but the pain is gone and it’s still hard to breathe but he’s breathing through his nose now
  * “i’m coming to you” -erik
  * “don’t” -nicky
  * “i have to. you need me.” 
  * “i don’t want you seeing me like this.”
  * “nicky”
  * “you have school, anyway. stay there. i have aaron.”
  * “nicky i can’t let you-”
  * “erik, listen to me. i’ll be fine. things will be okay. we’ll get andrew out.” 
  * “nicky-”
  * “don’t nicky me.”
  * aaron hears nicky’s tone and drops his gaze. he lets nicky take the phone and tells him he’ll be back with a nurse because this is unacceptable (”the nurse should have come in the moment you freaked out. this is shit. fuck this hospital.”)
  * erik is still quiet and nicky is too 
  * aaron leaves the room and nicky whispers “it’s not that i don’t need you. i do. i love you, erik, but it’s not good for you to drop everything for me and come here. that’s what we agreed on when i was coming out here, and you know it.”
  * “you’re injured. you’re in a hospital.” 
  * “and i’ll be checking out. i’m not going to die, erik.” (HAHA KILL ME REMEMBER WHEN ERIK DIES IN THIS IN ALL THE EARLIER DRAFTS OF TFC!!!!!KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!)
  * “i love you, nicky, but this is ridiculous.” 
  * “you promised me.” 
  * “i didn’t promise it if you were in danger.”
  * “i’m not in danger. i have the final word here, and i’m saying you arent coming here.” 
  * erik hangs up and nicky winces at the sound of the click 
  * the nurse comes in right after that with aaron following behind her and nicky is laying in bed staring at the phone
  * aaron stays with nicky the entire time he’s in the hospital 
  * erik calls the next day and nicky tells aaron to say he doesnt want to talk but nicky does answer the next day when erik calls and they talk it out
  * they find a lawyer in tandem with erik and get andrew onto the medication instead of in juvie, and the rest is history 




	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jamie king (oc) + andreil discovery

  *     * jamie asked neil to come over to practice french
    * (he meant frenchING because he thinks he’s sneaky)
    * and he’s been effectively stood up
    * he’s upset all night, and he confronts neil at the gym in the morning when they’re all conditioning and says “you didn’t come over” 
    * “sorry. andrew needed me to stay”
    * jamie gets mad at that
    * he’s never liked andrew. he thinks he’s horrible, a monster, soulless
    * all the reasons the upperclassmen used to hate him
    * jamie’s never seen him tender, seen him with neil, protecting him, or protecting anyone for that matter
    * he’s spotting neil as this conversation goes on and he considers letting the bar drop on neil’s chest
    * or maybe he’ll pick up the nearest medicine ball and launch it at andrew’s head. that could be therapeutic. 
    * but he doesnt. he has to rein that in, that’s why he’s here, his anger, his problems
    * (jamie has a past like renee’s and andrew’s and wymack’s mixed. he’s gone through various foster homes and various gangs and had an anger problem for his entire life.) 
    * instead of reacting outwardly he nods and continues spotting neil, watching the muscles in neil’s arms work and wishing he could kiss those muscles
    * they have classes together- jamie is majoring in the same thing as neil- and they hang out in those classes and after them, getting coffee or whatever
    * sometimes jamie joins neil on his morning runs
    * jamie defends neil against jack sometimes too
    * they have a pretty good friendship that i didn’t mention before
    * of course, that changes when neil realizes jamie  _likes_ him but he tries not to let it get to him too much
    * a few weeks later, jamie confronts neil
    * “we haven’t been hanging out much. what’s the deal?” 
    * “jamie-”
    * “be honest with me.”
    * neil looks on edge
    * andrew and aaron are both at their session with bee and nicky is neil’s only savior but he’s across the court right now
    * so neil just says “let’s get back to practice” 
    * exy is always a great escape method
    * u asked for jamie finding out about andreil though, not backstory on jamie and neil (it’s semi-relevant)
    * so. they just got through death matches and they’re going to champs against USC again
    * everyone is ready to go home and kevin and nicky and aaron are standing outside waiting for andrew and neil
    * jamie sees them outside (he’s one of the last few out of the locker room. neil is always last)
    * he waits with them for a little bit, then goes in search of the two of them despite the others’ warnings
    * he needs to talk to neil about striker things anyway and he doesnt like kevin much
    * he looks in the locker room and the foyer and then in the gear room (he’s found people stuck in there before) before he thinks about checking the court
    * and what he walks in on is something he never expected to see
    * the stadium has been empty for a while; the team they’d played went to their hotel and the fans all filed out and the custodians havent come in yet
    * jamie walks into the inner circle
    * he looks out at the court
    * andrew and neil are standing by the goal, in normal clothes
    * neil seems to be gesturing to the goal and andrew is watching him so jamie thinks they’re talking strategy or smth
    * (neil is complimenting andrew for the goals he stopped tonight. seriously. andrew was insane.)
    * then jamie sees andrew’s hands curl into the collar on neil’s shirt and he sets himself up for protecting neil, ready to run onto the court if he needs to
    * then andrew pulls neil in and 
    * he kisses him?
    * jamie is frozen on the spot
    * he thinks he might cry
    * no he thinks he might punch something
    * no he’s gonna cry
    * or maybe do both
    * his fist hits the window in front of him and he feels his eyes burning
    * neil jumps and looks up to see jamie standing there 
    * as soon as their eyes meet jamie punches the window again and then storms off 
    * neil takes off after him and catches him in the foyer and tells him to calm down
    * “calm down? what the fuck, josten?! him?!” 
    * neil is taken aback “he’s-”
    * “soulless. a monster. he’s trash, and you fucking know it. you’re probably just taking pity on him.” 
    * anyone talking about andrew like that is neil’s biggest peeve and he gets up in jamie’s face and has to shove his hands into his pockets to keep from hitting his friend 
    * neil tells him off by reminding him a) who he is and b) who andrew is
    * “i am your captain, king. you will not talk to me like that. nor will you talk about andrew like that, as he is one of the reasons we’ve gotten this far. he’s picked up our slack and blocked out that goal like any shot that gets past him is a personal offense. 
    * “you have no right to speak of him that way when you don’t know him. he’s protected me. he’s protected kevin. he’s protected aaron, nicky. he’s protected all of us, and you have no fucking idea.” 
    * he goes on, but by now jamie is focused in on andrew behind neil, imaginnig tearing him limb from limb, and he starts to push neil out of the way to do so, 
    * until there’s a knife against his hand and blood trickling down his wrist and his shirt sleeve is pinned against the wall next to his head
    * “andrew we can’t afford to have him injured-”
    * “i don’t care.” 
    * and that’s when jamie finds out the most important fox rule:
    * never, ever mess with the captain when andrew minyard is around. 




	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + erik in columbia

  * time comes for nicky to go home
  * he cries at the airport, even though he knows he’ll be coming back as soon as he can
  * he and erik kiss goodbye
  * he leaves.
  * nicky lands in the united states with this new love for himself, one that sprouted from erik, from his family in germany, _from not speaking to his parents for an entire school year_
  * when he steps off the plane he feels dread finally settle into his chest and his stomach
  * luther and maria are waiting in arrivals for him
  * they don’t expect this shiny, bright boy with a new haircut and this new glow to him to come up to them, but he does
  * he even hugs them, even if he doesn’t really want to
  * he’ll forgive them, if only for now. erik taught him to forgive. 
  * he tells stories about germany all the way home, maria turned around in her seat and listening intently, asking him questions
  * ( _”did you like them better than us?”_  (luther, jokingly.) “of course not!” (he did. of course he did.))
  * “ _te extrañamos, mi hijo_.” 
  * “i missed you too, _mamá_.” 
  * nicky really did kind of miss her. not luther, though, not luther one bit
  * he’s eyeing nicky in the rearview mirror like he has a parasite in him again 
  * “what are your verses, son?” 
  * nicky recites the verses from conversion camp as that dread makes itself at home again
  * two weeks later, nicky’s graduated. he’s moved the tassle on his cap over, and he’s excited because he’s free. there are no ties to columbia as soon as he tells his parents about him and-
  * “oh my GOD” he shouts, and goes running for the front row as soon as everyone is released 



 

  * _ERIK IS THERE_
  * nicky is holding onto him for dear life and erik is holding him back and erik is laughing and congratulating him in german and it’s _perfect_
  * “who is this?” 
  * nicky tightens his grip on the back of erik’s shirt for a moment, then lets go and turns to face his parents
  * erik’s arm stays around his shoulders and he tries to focus on anything but that
  * “mom, dad, this is erik.”
  * erik is perfectly friendly, but he caught the “ _mom, dad,_ ” at the beginning of the statement. 
  * nicky let him read his journals when they got together so erik would know _why_ he was coming back to germany and _why_ he couldn’t stay in the US
  * “erik klose. it’s nice to meet you.” 
  * “he said it’s nice to meet you. they don’t know german.”
  * erik smiles and shakes their hands (he makes sure his shake with luther is extra firm)
  * “how do you two know each other?” 
  * “he was my-” nicky stumbles over the word and feels luther’s eyes on him like daggers pressing into his neck “sorry. erik was my brother in germany.”
  * “and he flew all the way out here to see you?” 
  * erik speaks in english, and nicky closes his eyes for a moment to calm himself down 
  * “i knew nicky was excited for this. he is dear to my family.” 
  * “so they flew you out here?”
  * “i flew myself.” erik says, then frowns. “i paid for tickets. i did not fly the plane.” 
  * nicky laughs and feels erik’s arm tighten around his shoulders
  * maria is smiling at nicky and he smiles back and ducks his head when he meets erik’s eyes
  * “you must come with us to dinner,” maria says and erik agrees and nicky feels that dread again, eating through his joy
  * he’s on edge the entire dinner
  * erik’s hand is on his thigh under the table and he keeps trying to smack it off but he cant be subtle enough about it
  * he gets up to go to the bathroom and freak out a little, splash water on his face, etc
  * erik follows him
  * “are you okay?”
  * “no. no, i’m not okay! i’m having dinner with my parents and my boyfriend! the parents who sent me to conversion camp! erik, i- i can’t do this- i can’t-”
  * “nicky, calm down”
  * “i don’t want them to hate me again. you know what my mother said when i got in the car with them, on the way home from the airport? _te extrañamos, mi hijo._ we missed you, my son. erik, that’s what she said after i came back from- from there- after i turned into the person they wanted me to be, after i told them i wasn’t gay anymore-”
  * “nicky”
  * meekly, nicky says “don’t nicky me”
  * erik smiles and brushes his hair back from his face “remember what i said when you first told me?” 
  * “you said ‘I’ll nicky you as i please.’”
  * “not that. about you being gay.”
  * nicky swallows thickly and looks down at their feet “faith is meant to forgive the sinner, love the sinner.” 
  * “let that replace those mantras. make it your new mantra.” 
  * nicky wants to cry erik already knows him too well 
  * erik hugs him and nicky clings on for dear life again. he’s trying to breathe the scent of germany from erik but all he smells is the too expensive restaurant food and gymnasium scent on erik’s jacket
  * the bathroom door opens and they jump apart, nicky splashing water on his face and erik washing his hands
  * luther eyes them weird when they walk out together and leans over to his son and tells him to recite his verses, right then and there, so he can hear them
  * nicky does
  * he feels erik’s hand tighten on his thigh
  * a week later, he’s spent all his time with erik
  * he’s toured him around columbia, taken him everywhere he could think of, 
  * they’ve stayed in erik’s hotel room a few times, too, for hours at a time, laying on the bed and talking or making out or doing a little more than that
  * maria and luther invite erik over for a homecooked meal and erik politely accepts
  * he and nicky even help maria in the kitchen and have a good time 
  * they all sit down to dinner and nicky looks at erik, his eyes conveying what he plans to do by the time dessert rolls around. 
  * it’s pleasant enough. luther says grace, they all eat and have small talk, nicky translates some things for both parties, 
  * it takes what seems like forever for dessert to happen
  * nicky starts hyping himself up as he picks at his pie
  * he waits until everyone has finished, then opens his mouth to speak
  * he can’t do it
  * he wipes his hands over his face, whispers “faith is meant to forgive the sinner, love the sinner” into his palms
  * erik’s foot nudges his under the table
  * he opens his eyes and looks directly at erik as he says it
  * “i’m gay. i’m still gay.” 
  * cue the backlash. 
  * luther is pissed. he’s not even yelling pissed, he’s just silent. he’s disappointed pissed. nicky knows he’ll take a bottle of whisky down to the basement later. 
  * maria is crying. she just got her son back. she wanted to keep him, but she can’t if he’s damaged, not if he’s damaged like this. (her words.) 
  * erik is keeping his eyes on nicky, not nicky’s parents. he stands and makes his way around the table and helps nicky to his feet
  * nicky is shaking and lets himself curl into erik’s chest as luther details how he knew something was wrong about this abomination he must call a son when he returned from germany, especially when he saw erik.  _“brothers. you call yourselves brothers! and you do this- this disgusting act!”_  
  * it ends with a hissed  _“get out of this house. this is a house of the lord and you are not welcome here any longer.”_ to both nicky and erik. 
  * luckily, the dinner was on a saturday night and nicky remembered to keep his key in his pocket through dinner. 
  * they come into the house sunday morning, when luther and maria are at the church, and pack nicky’s things. 
  * erik helps, nicky cries. he has to take ten minutes of their time to sit on his bed and cry 
  * they leave the house and take nicky’s things in a cab back to erik’s hotel room
  * erik lays with nicky against his side in the small bed and strokes his hair until nicky falls asleep
  * nicky sleeps until four the next morning. erik keeps him company, watching bad american television and reading and simply watching nicky sleep restlessly
  * nicky wakes up before erik and showers and dresses and stands outside in the parking lot and watches the sun rise. it’s a new day and he’s free completely. 
  * he wanders back up to the room after buying them both breakfast, even though he knows he should be saving what little money he has for a ticket back to germany
  * when erik wakes up, it’s to nicky combing fingers through his hair and looking at him like he hung the stars and the moon and the sun in the sky to shine only for him. he could get used to that.
  * he turns and curls himself into nicky’s side and kisses the small patch of skin visible between his shirt and his shorts
  * they eat together, then gather up erik’s things since his flight back is tomorrow morning
  * erik checks to make sure everything is there
  * then he holds up his ticket for nicky to see
  * and fans out both tickets, one way back to germany (erik bought the second one yesterday after explaining the predicament to his family as nicky slept. they were glad to help, but the money came out of his university fund)
  * nicky screams “NO WAY” and tackles him back onto the bed and kisses erik everywhere he can reach and cries more (seriously. how many tears does this boy have?) and doesn’t ever want to let erik go again
  * erik laughs through it all and hugs nicky back and kisses his head and his temple and his cheek 
  * they talk to their family- _their family, nicky thinks fondly_ \- on the phone and nicky thanks them so many times they have to ban him from ever using it again
  * nicky hugs erik again when they’re done and grins the entire time, thinking about how much he loves this boy who was supposed to just be his brother
  * erik is thinking the same thing
  * they lay down to get some sleep before the long flight 
  * erik is trailing his fingers across nicky’s cheeks and his lips and his nose and nicky is just thinking about how it’s perfect timing and he blurts it out (two for two, hemmick. u blurt things out to erik a lot, though.)
  * “i love you.” then he says it again in german
  * erik says it back instantly and they both just look at each other for a little bit before smiling and going back to what they’d been doing
  * in the morning, they head back home together
  * they start their life
  * nicky works and learns more german, better german as erik goes to school to become a lawyer
  * then nicky gets the first call from his mother, to check in and see if he’s still gay, and to tell him his aunt tilda died. 




	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaron minyard + memories of nicky

  * aaron’s favorite memory of his cousin nicky is when he took him and andrew in and called them family (though that word has no meaning) and made sure they were okay every single day. 
  * to this day, he still feels a little rush of warmth and home when someone asks “are you okay? is this okay? are you sure?” because it makes him think of nicky
  * however, he has other memories of nicky
  * ones nicky doesnt seem to remember
  * that one time when aaron was 6 and nicky was 10 and they ran away together during a family event. (they made it four blocks down before anyone caught them) 
  * that one time they tried to make lunch for everyone else and wound up feeding everyone hot sauce and lunch meat sandwiches 
  * that one time they were playing outside and their other cousin pushed aaron down and nicky was the only one who came over to see if aaron was alright when aaron was crying (tilda didn’t even look up)
  * those many, many times nicky was the only one there for him. nicky, who was four years older than him and could easily have just told him to fuck off (not in so many words. after all, nicky was a preacher’s son) but yet took care of him
  * aaron remembers nicky through his entire life
  * dotted fragments of time spent with nicky
  * time without nicky, too
  * he remembers wishing nicky was there to calm him down after a really bad night
  * wishing nicky could take the drugs away even as he takes more
  * finding out nicky is gay and at camp when he visits, and closing himself off from the rest of the family but accepting their homophobic dribble because nicky left him alone here
  * finding out nicky’s in germany when aaron needs him, and maybe andrew needs him too, maybe nicky can help andrew too
  * anyway. nicky is sad one day after The Incident.
  * they’re still trying to get andrew out of jail and they dont gget to post bail and nicky is upset but cant talk to erik because erik is in class
  * so aaron sits down next to him and says “do you remember when we ran away together?”  
  * nicky looks at him, startled, and breathes “no”
  * so aaron tells him about it
  * then tells him about the lunch thing
  * and about every good memory he has of nicky
  * nicky is crying by the time he’s done
  * aaron, baby aaron, who has been hostile up until The Incident, is telling nicky about how important he is, and nicky can’t believe it
  * “i remember wishing you were there when mom hit me. i imagined you would take the hits for me, then let me patch you up after. and wishing you were there when i- -and there for andrew. and even if andrew took the brunt of the horror in our lives, i’m thankful. i’m thankful for you and andrew. we’ll get him out. we’ll find a way to start again.” 
  * nicky looks up at aaron with these big wobbly eyes because he’s crying and he just leans over and hugs aaron as tight as he can, crying against his shoulder
  * aaron hesitantly lifts his hands to hug nicky back, and he mumbles “i shouldn’t have said anything” 




	39. Chapter 39

**_ANDREIL + #4 (”You’re clearly hurting. Stop putting up a strong front.”)_ **

  * the game’s been rough
  * the foxes are playing the ravens again
  * it’s not that they’re losing. they’re not
  * it’s that the ravens have no boundaries this year
  * there have been countless fights, but so far only ravens have gotten red cards
  * neil hears his backliner chirp at him
  * “you havent made a goal yet, wesninski. too scared after taking our captain?” 
  * that doesnt bother him as much as the raven hopes
  * “or maybe your boyfriend hasn’t thrown you anything because he knows who you are now and he’s disgusted”
  * a lie.
  * it continues through the game 
  * the foxes win by ten points
  * everyone expects it to break into a fight again when the foxes win, but it doesnt
  * they do the handshake thing
  * but each one of the ravens… when they get to neil
  * when they get to neil they call him “nathaniel” or “wesninski” 
  * the last one in line is the backliner who chirped neil the entire game
  * no one sees him reach into his pocket before shaking neil’s hand
  * but they do hear neil’s pained gasp
  * and they all turn and look 
  * neil is standing with his hand still in the ravens and he’s staring at him like he’s a thousand years away 
  * the raven took out a lighter
  * it wasn’t a dashboard lighter it was just a regular lighter
  * and he flicked it open right before taking neil’s hand
  * “ _good game, nathaniel wesninski._ ” 
  * andrew is next to neil and breaks their handshake and watches the raven put the lighter away 
  * he considers destroying this man but neil needs him more
  * the ravens can wait
  * the rest of the foxes refuse to shake hands and they all file off the court, andrew with his hand on the back of neil’s neck and neil at the front of the line
  * kevin is glaringly angry, he’s biting out rude comments as they leave and he’s just pissed all around 
  * it only gets worse when neil says “i’m fine” as abby looks at his hand
  * his palm is literally black in some spots. he’s not fine
  * andrew glares at him and neil shrugs “i’m fine” again
  * kevin: “you’re clearly hurting. stop putting up a strong front. he just burned your palm so bad you won’t be able to hold an exy racquet with that hand for a week, and that’s if you actually heal okay.” 
  * neil just looks down at his hand as abby starts to patch it up 
  * he winces when she puts ointment on it
  * andrew is still sitting too close to him
  * “they called him-”
  * “don’t say it, nicky.”
  * “i wont. but they called you that.” 
  * “i know.” 
  * andrew looks even angrier when neil flinches again
  * that night they go up to the roof and andrew is still angry
  * “andrew-”
  * “if you say you’re fine i’m going to push you over the edge.” 
  * “i wanted to say thank you” 
  * andrew is silent and just staring at the sky
  * “i’m not nathaniel. i felt like i was back on the court. they all called me that. the lighter made it more real. 
  * “then you came in and stopped it and grounded me again. like always. thank you.” 
  * “249%”




	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jamie king + adventures with neil

  * ok so jamie and neil had classes together and hung out after them right?
  * right
  * well they went for coffee a lot
  * they just walked to the library or into town if they had time and got some coffee and talked
  * mostly about exy but that’s because it’s neil and he’ll talk about exy to anything with ears
  * jamie  liked these mini dates
  * they usually got their coffee and sat down outside in the grass if it was warm enough (which was often) if they were on campus at the library
  * but if they went to town to get it!!!
  * if they went to town they usually went to this little quaint bakery and ordered their coffee and sat down at a table by the window
  * it was a thing to watch people walking by and guess what position they’d play if they were exy players 
  * neil and jamie also went to columbia to exites and out to eat a lot
  * they went to a concert once before too
  * jamie counted all of these as dates but neil had no idea
  * he was just being nice but jamie thought he was flirting back
  * poor kids




	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neil josten + his father's men

  * his father’s men are here. 
  * at palmetto
  * in the crowd
  * neil knows how to deal with this
  * he’s planned this out before, just in case
  * he didn’t think he’d ever need to use the plan, though
  * he lifts the hood of his sweatshirt, lucky he’d decided to wear that today
  * he keeps his head ducked as he moves towards them, tapping away on his phone
  * “ _Men. Have to go._ ” 
  * he adds andrew’s number, then kevin’s for safety,
  * and he hits SEND
  * sadly, it’s just about time for afternoon practice and neil doesn’t want to skip, but he can’t put his family in danger
  * he presses his phone into his pocket and keeps walking 
  * as he goes past fox tower he looks up, and the entire team is waiting outside, almost ready to go to practice
  * he pauses
  * his father’s men know who he is. if they don’t strike now, they’ll strike later and it’ll be worse. 
  * neil can’t run. 
  * he has andrew, his family, his career
  * he can’t just leave it all behind, even though he should. 
  * “is that neil?” 
  * “YO, JOSTEN! GET OVER HERE!”
  * well, he certainly can’t now
  * he hesitates before going up to them
  * the first eyes he meets are matt’s, and matt can see that _something_ in his eyes and takes on a worried expression


  * andrew’s gaze is next, and he just looks bored
  * kevin looks terrified
  * he’s looking around frantically, behind them, behind neil, he’d look under the car if he wouldn’t look like the biggest idiot ever
  * “where are they?” he spits out after a long silence
  * (luckily, the freshmen are inside still. they’re slow)
  * “they?” -matt
  * “who?” -dan
  * andrew is looking at neil closely now, trying to see if he’s hurt in any way
  * “my father’s men.” 
  * the air grows about 20x thicker as he says it
  * “matt, go get the freshmen. we’re leaving now. i don’t care if they’re ready or not.” - dan, in her captain voice. she’s shoving him lightly as she says it
  * everyone piles into their vehicles and leaves a minute later
  * when they make it to the stadium, there’s an unfamiliar car parked in the spot where andrew usually parks. 
  * he parks next to it, gets out before anyone else, and looks it over
  * “there’s no one inside.”
  * they make the freshmen go inside the stadium first, and tell them to tell wymack to get extra security.
  * neil sits in the car, terrified, for a few minutes
  * everyone else has gotten out, he’s just sitting in the center of the backseat staring at everyone as they talk,
  * and then he gets out
  * they all surround him and walk in with him, making sure he’s in the center
  * he knew who the men were when he saw them earlier, and he keeps his ears open for the sound of a gunshot just in case
  * there’s no way he’s letting any of the foxes take a bullet for him
  * it doesn’t come
  * they get inside, and wymack notices the weird way they all walked in together
  * he looks like he wants to ask, but he has his personal business rule, and he’s on the phone with security
  * neil tells everyone to go on ahead and hangs back with wymack so he can explain
  * andrew sticks with him
  * andrew is practically pressed against his back, without touching him
  * “yes,” neil whispers to him, and he feels andrew’s fingers brush against his wrist and palm and their fingers slip together
  * it’s grounding neil, who was starting to feel his panic rise. 
  * if they were going to attack, why hadn’t they already?
  * “why aren’t you two in the locker room?”
  * “my father’s people are here.”
  * “fuck. that’s why he told me to get security.” 
  * “yeah.”
  * “anything else i need to know?”
  * “they havent done anything yet. i saw them when i was walking back from class and they were packing”
  * “i can sick security on them”
  * “their car is out front.” (andrew finally speaks up) “they’re here already.”
  * “i should lea-”
  * “no” from wymack and andrew at the same time
  * andrew’s hand tightens on neils until neil squeezes back and nods 
  * wymack makes them go down to practice
  * at break, wymack comes in and tells them security took two men to the  local jail because they were armed on campus
  * neil almost cries he’s so thankful its done he didnt know he was so tense and ready to run until it’s over and he’s leaning against the wall and completely limp 
  * hes on edge the next few weeks, expecting more, but it doesnt come and he rests easy three weeks later
  * bless his heart hes so stressed out




	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + staying the night

  * it’s while nicky’s in germany during high school
  * he’s been having bad dreams and by bad dreams i mean Bad
  * erik’s parents are out all night right now, staying in the city with some friends (it was impromptu; they went out for a drink and dinner and wound up drunk in their friends’ hotel room) 
  * so it’s only nicky and erik in the house
  * now, normally that would be a-okay! they’d be chill
  * but it’s only been a few days since[ nicky’s coming out and their conversation outside, so it’s before their kiss](http://neilsexy.tumblr.com/post/147256303593/can-you-please-please-please-write-nicky-and-eriks)
  * so there’s some obvious tension between them
  * so nicky’s having bad dreams. theyre mostly about his parents, about camp, etc
  * at one point he wakes up shouting
  * now, it’s a little cute town not far from the city that they live in and erik’s pretty good with almost everyone there but crime happens and he hears nicky yelling “NO NO NO” and launches out of bed and down the stairs to where the guest/nicky’s bedroom is


  * nicky looks up when his door bangs open and blinks at erik standing there looking all surly and ready to beat someone to death
  * once erik is sure the threat isnt there he looks at nicky and stops breathing for about half a minute because nicky’s sitting there shirtless and the blanket is pooled around his waist and it looks like he’s not wearing…..anything, really………and the only light in the room is from the moonlight through the window and honestly? nicky looks like an angel
  * when he gets his breath back he is really, really quiet when he says “are you okay?” 
  * it takes a second for nicky to reply because erik apparently sleeps in just a t-shirt and underwear and he looks really good and nicky can see everything right now and he’s breathless from both his nightmare and this fact
  * when he does hes just as quiet and whispers “yes” 
  * “good.”
  * “yes”
  * “bad dream?”
  * “bad dream.”
  * “do you want to talk?”
  * nicky looks down at his hands curled in the blanket and smiles shakily. he’s not used to this yet, to being cared for like this
  * erik takes this as a yes and takes a step into the room
  * then another
  * then he walks to nicky’s bed and sits down next to him a little awkwardly and they both sit in silence, watching nicky’s hands wring the blanket 
  * “was it about your parents?” 
  * “yes and no.”
  * “ah.”
  * “i’m sorry for waking you.”
  * “you didn’t. i was awake anyway.” 
  * “why? it’s so late.”
  * erik can’t say “i was thinking about you” like he wants, so he says “i couldn’t sleep.” which isnt really a lie
  * nicky nods and goes back to watching his hands
  * erik watches him, thinking about how beautiful  this boy is
  * he sighs and nicky looks up and they meet eyes and erik looks down in embarrassment 
  * he doesnt see nicky smiling
  * its just……really awkward for a little bit
  * “why don’t you try to sleep again?” erik asks
  * “right now?” 
  * “yes. why not?” 
  * nicky looks at him like he’s insane 
  * “lie down.”
  * nicky casts about for a second before looking at erik again and relaxing back onto his side on the bed, facing erik
  * erik looks down at him and smiles  and tells him to close his eyes
  * nicky does
  * “i’m going to do something mama used to do for me, okay?”
  * he’s a little wary, but nicky nods
  * he feels erik’s hand comb through his hair lightly, fingers brushing against his forehead, and tenses
  * the hand goes through his hair, down his back, then starts the journey over again at his hair 
  * he starts to relax the third time erik does it, and he sighs and burrows into the pillow
  * erik thinks nicky looks adorable and hes happy hes able to touch him so tenderly right now 
  * he doesnt ever want to stop
  * but nicky is breathing deeper now and hasnt fidgeted in a while so he should go back up to bed
  * he stops, and finds himself leaning down to nicky as he finishes the final stroke down his back, and stops himself just shy of pressing his lips to nicky’s cheek
  * he pulls back just as slowly and sucks in a deep breath and slides off the bed
  * nicky’s actually awake, though
  * his hand shoots out and his fingers touch erik’s leg and he looks up at him 
  * “stay the night. please” nicky breathes, voice slurred from sleepiness, and erik can just barely make out the german 
  * he smiles and sits down again
  * “anything for you.” 
  * nicky sleeps much easier when erik is brushing his fingers through his hair and laying next to him 
  * erik can actually fall asleep laying there with his hand brushing through nicky’s ridiculously smooth hair and nicky snoring so so so gently 
  * in the morning they wake up to the phone ringing and eriks mom saying theyre heading home now and the laundry better be done and the house better not be a wreck from whatever party they threw (there was no party, obviously)




	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twinyards + support

  * neil is Unlucky unless he’s in the middle of playing exy or it has to do with andrew only
  * but we need an instance where this happens, right???
  * neil’s not sick
  * not at all
  * he goes to practices
  * he goes to night practice
  * he doesnt make out with andrew because andrew wont let him kiss him (they still touch) 
  * andrew tries his hand at subtly making neil feel better (making him sleep more, eat stuff that wont upset his stomach, chill a little) but it’s not working
  * so neil, poor neil “i’m fine” josten, goes on his morning run before andrew wakes up
  * and he loses his balance because his vision kind of gave out there?
  * and he’s sweating more than usual and he’s having major trouble breathing
  * and neil runs right to the stadium and he passes out on the couch
  * wymack and abby are the first ones to find him and abby almost screams (she thinks he’s dead at first honestly) and they get him to wake up long enough to admit he needs some help
  * so wymack takes neil to the hospital
  * neils got a wicked flu 
  * like…his fever is so high he could die if it keeps climbing
  * by this point, by the time neil is on his way to the hospital with wymack, andrew is kind of freaking out
  * he’s refusing to speak to anyone right now 
  * theyre at the gym for morning conditioning and andrew is angrily lifting weights with aaron spotting him (they totally lift just about as much; aaron lifts just a bit less but he still manages to spot for his brother) 
  * dan’s phone rings and she answers it, a lil out of breath


  * “where?” “coach-” “are you sure i should be the one-” “okay. okay. i’ll take care of it.” 
  * andrew’s been watching her like he knows
  * dan just tells everyone once they get to the stadium that wymack wont be at practice this morning because he’s at the hospital
  * she looks at andrew
  * “with neil. he’s sick.”
  * andrew is tearing out of there fast than ever before and aaron is right behind him because “god damn it andrew i told you he was fucking sick and i told you he wasn’t going to admit it” 
  * but really he’s going because he’ll be able to understand the medical jargon better than andrew will and he can ease andrew’s worry if it comes to it
  * they’re in the car and andrew is speeding to the hospital and parks and gets out without locking the car and just starts searching for wymack
  * aaron actually thinks to go to the desk and politely ask where neil josten is and if they can see hi- ANDREW GET BACK HERE- can see him? 
  * they get to his room and andrew shoves wymack out of the way 
  * aaron sighs and rolls his eyes and asks wymack what’s going on
  * “the flu”
  * aaron frowns
  * there’s nothing they can really do for the flu, they just have to give neil antibiotics and get his fever down 
  * aaron looks at neil, who is asleep in the bed, and andrew, who is staring at neil and looks like he’s trying to figure out what to do 
  * aaron walks over to them and gets andrew’s attention 
  * “can i have the keys to the car and your dorm”
  * andrew glares at him, then throws him the keys
  * “i’ll be back”
  * “where are you going?” -wymack
  * “to get stuff”
  * so aaron goes and gets andrew’s current reads (lbr, andrew reads two or three books at a time) and his glasses and reluctantly grabs clothes for neil just in case he needs them and he even stops and buys andrew lollipops on his way back and stuffs them in the bag with everything else
  * he goes to neils room, where andrew is just sitting and watching neil sleep, and drops the bag at andrew’s feet and sits down in the chair next to him
  * “what did they say”
  * “nothing”
  * “tell me”
  * “he’s sick”
  * “obviously”
  * “fuck you”
  * aaron shuts up after that and just sits there with andrew until he has to go for class
  * “i’ll bring the car back for you”
  * andrew just looks at him for a second
  * aaron nods and leaves 
  * he knows when his brother needs time and he knows when he needs someone even if he wont admit it and he knows when andrew needs to be cared for
  * he knows what it’s like to need it and not get it, and he wants andrew to know he has people who care even if he doesnt want them there
  * because everyone deserves at least one someone who cares




	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andrew minyard + peanut butter discourse

  * neil and kevin prefer crunchy peanut butter 
    * “it has better health benefits its so much healthier for u” -kevin
    * “i just like the crunch” -neil
    * andrew doesnt talk to them for a week when they forget to buy creamy peanut butter for him
    * (at least, he doesn’t talk to kevin for a week. neil goes out and buys him 4 jars of it and andrew has to talk to him after that) 
  * also, andrew only eats jif
    * peter pan peanut butter is an abomination because it’s oily and he hates that
    * generic brand? eh its okay but he really doesnt prefer it
  * not many people know he’ll just eat peanut butter as a meal either
    * it only comes to light for the rest of the team when its their turn to host movie night and they all walk in and andrew is just sitting there in a beanbag with a jar of peanut butter and a spoon
    * its only about half gone but by the time they start the movie andrew has it completely gone and he’s thrown it away
    * honestly, they’re kind of amazed at how fast he packed that away
  * andrew is just as offended when he finds out renee likes crunchy peanut butter AS WELL AS sour candy.
    * he actually considers not talking to her ever again 
    * he does have a debate with her over it though and neil actually contributes to this one because he likes both
    * neil wakes up the next morning to find all the crunchy peanut butter thrown out and the next time he tries to buy himself sour candy andrew chucks it out the car window
  * basically andrew is literally a child and if u like something he doesnt he will find a way to get rid of it if ur around him with it




	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + adopting

****

  * nicky’s at that stage where he feels his own biological clock ticking away
  * (not literally, since he’s gay and a male, but he is itching for a child)
  * after all, his team is growing up. they’re all having children and stuff
  * even renee has had a child
  * so nicky feels kind of left out
  * theyre sitting at dinner at a restaurant one night, and nicky’s been just picking at his food because he doesnt want to have the baby talk
  * erik asks “what’s wrong?”
  * nicky just blurts out “i want a kid” and winces because he didnt mean to say it so angrily or anything he-
  * “i do too” 
  * ok maybe this will work out
  * so they start talking about it then and there
  * “should we adopt or surrogate?”
  * “do we have time for a baby?”
  * “adopt it is.”
  * and more like that
  * so they decide to pull a wymack and go for a kid who needs another chance. nicky wants to give that to someone else, not just his family. he knows they’d be good for a kid like that
  * they go to homes
  * they search through the system
  * and then they come upon this one kid
  * a kid erik is working a trial for
  * because the kid was abused. badly. by the parents who had adopted him two years ago.
  * nicky meets him in court and instantly he recognizes the look in his eyes
  * this kid with brown hair and blue eyes who really looks kind of like neil, what are the chances? just instantly has nicky wrapped around his finger


  * the kid is about 12, and he’s almost broken. he spoke with barely any emotion on the stand and he cant look his abusive parents in the eyes
  * he cant even look at his brother, and that’s when nicky catches on
  * he gasps in the middle of testimonies and covers his mouth and tries his hardest not to cry
  * now, nicky’s been keeping up with the case through erik, but he decided to attend that day since he had time off and he was curious
  * but he leaves the courtroom early and he goes to a cafe down the street and buys two mochas and hot chocolate (for erik) and he waits until recess is called
  * he walks into the court room and hands erik his hot chocolate and then offers the mocha to the boy and he kneels down in front of the table
  * the boy accepts it and takes one drink before just looking down at his feet
  * nicky takes a deep breath and looks directly at the boy in front of him and whispers “he snuck into your room, didn’t he?” 
  * now the boy, markel (let’s call him markel), looks up at nicky in horror and nicky knows he’s right
  * “don’t tell anyone this, but my cousin was in a situation like yours. both of them. twins. one was hit by their mother. the other was…”
  * markel nods hesitantly
  * erik is watching in rapture because holy shit this is brand new and he honestly didnt expect this
  * nor did the social worker who hired erik here and she’s about to start crying 
  * nicky is focused on markel though
  * “my cousins are both married today. one of them has a son. the other is happy, i think. you’re not going through this alone, mark. can i call you mark?” 
  * markel nods again and tightens the hand thats gripping the chair beneath him
  * “if you’d like, i could get you in contact with one of them. they both speak german, too.” 
  * nicky knows the hell aaron will put him through but he’s not connecting this boy to andrew if he can help it, not yet at least
  * markel nods. (is that all this boy can do???)
  * they get closer as the case draws to a finish
  * markel talked to aaron on the phone during the last part of it and nicky watched and helped markel 
  * he kind of took markel in as his own during the last part and hes??? already in love with this little 12 year old
  * so when the verdict comes and the parents are sent away and so is the brother markel hugs both nicky and erik SO TIGHT and nicky looks at erik over markels shoulder
  * and they know
  * so they both take markel off to the cafe away from everyone else and away from the noise (with the social worker’s permission) 
  * and they buy dinner and sit down with markel
  * and nicky is the first to talk
  * he smiles and leans across the table and says “if it’s okay with you, we’d like to adopt you.”
  * markel stops mid-chew and looks between them both before shrugging
  * nicky can see the apprehension in his eyes and so can erik
  * “we’d never hurt you. not on purpose. we’d keep an eye out for you and love you and give you everything you need.” -erik
  * markel is looking down at his sandwich now and nicky can tell he’s more worried
  * “we’ll give you time to think if you want. we’ll draw up the papers and have them all ready to go the moment you say yes, mark. and if you say no, that’s okay too. we want you to be happy and you’re old enough to make this choice.” -nicky
  * markel nods again. not a boy of many words 
  * nicky smiles and puts his hand on erik’s thigh under the table and squeezes
  * “okay.”
  * it takes a second but they end up eating and talking and they even get dessert of ice cream down the street and they take markel back to the home he’s been staying in and they remind him the choice is his and all he has to do is tell the person in charge there
  * it takes two weeks
  * they’ve had the papers all drawn up, sitting on their counter for one
  * and they’ve looked at them every day and answered the phone eagerly every day since then
  * neither of them are home when the phone rings this time (nicky forgot his phone at home, and erik is out camping so his isn’t charged) and nicky comes home before erik, who is supposed to be getting home today
  * nicky is shaking as he picks up his phone, knowing it could just be another message from andrew or matt or neil, just another update or drunk call
  * he listens to the message as he takes off his coat and dresses down 
  * “hello. i hope i’ve got the right number… well, markel said he’d like for you, nicholas, and erik to be his parents.”
  * nicky doesnt hear the rest of the message he’s about to start crying
  * he has to sit down on the edge of the bed
  * he’s still sitting there when erik comes home and kisses him and starts for the bathroom to shower 
  * erik frowns and looks back at nicky as he passes by though, and catches the look on his face
  * “what? nicky, talk to me. what happened?” 
  * erik knows about nicky’s team so he honestly thinks someone died and nicky is going to have to go to the US for a little bit again and he’s worried because nicky isn’t all that great in the face of a death-
  * “mark said yes.” 
  * erik grins and tightens his grip on nicky’s hands and feels himself tearing up 
  * they both kiss and laugh nervously and nicky finally gets himself around enough to call the woman back after erik gets out of the shower 
  * they finish up the paperwork and run it through 
  * they do the court date thing
  * and next thing they know…..
  * they have a son. markel klose-hemmick. 
  * _this is really long and idk if i should include the foxes meeting markel for the first time here so **yet again**_




	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + markel meeting the foxes

  * nicky and erik have had markel for about a year now
  * mark has come out of his shell a bit (it’s hard not to with nicky and erik as his fathers. these men dote on him so much and love him so much) 
  * the foxes know about him, ofc, since it’s nicky and erik
  * both post a shit ton of pictures on twitter and snapchat and facebook of their family adventures
    * markel got an A on a test today? hell yeah that’s goin on fb
    * it’s markel’s birthday? a live piece by piece is going on snapchat, complete with nicky narrating markel playing with his friends like it’s a wildlife show 
    * mark’s practicing his english for their visit? better post it everywhere
    * they just took a really cute family selfie? new twitter icon and excuse to tweet about their family
  * the foxes all love mark already tbh they think he’s the most adorable kid in the world and they want to meet him
  * they keep trying to get nicky and erik to come out to the us but they cant, mark has to finish school and they have work
  * then they all get time off!!!!
  * they fly out tomorrow!!!!
  * mark is nervous
    * he’s never been on a plane before and he’s heard about them crashing and he doesnt want to die he just got this family and he loves them and he’s excited to meet aunt dan and uncle neil and aaron and andrew and everyone. he’s excited to meet everyone
    * he voices his concerns to nicky and erik as they watch a movie and nicky tells him he has nothing to worry about and erik tells him the same thing, and tells him about how they go to the US every other year really 
    * mark feels a little better
    * he’ll be with his dads and they’re experienced flyers
  * they leave in the morning
  * it’s still dark and markel is half asleep as he follows his dads through the airport 
  * he falls asleep while they’re waiting to board and erik carries him onto the plane, sits him next to the window so when he wakes up he’ll have a view
  * nicky cant stop worrying about how everything will go when markel meets aaron and andrew because mark has talked to aaron but not andrew and mark knows everything about them and mark actually talks a lot so he’s kind of…..scared, honestly
  * “calm down, hasilein. it’ll be okay.” from erik and nicky takes a deep breath and tells him why he’s worried and sneaks a glance at mark
  * he doesn’t want him to get hurt
  * he knows andrew is good with children but children dont generally know his entire story already
  * they land


  * everyone’s in south carolina so they can see wymack and abby too this time 
  * nicky feels a little better when they drop their things off at abby’s, where they’re staying
  * abby introduces herself to mark and hugs him and mark is hesitant at first but he hugs her back and nicky has to try to hide his smile
  * wymack shows up not long later and drops his stuff (coaching stuff) off in his and abby’s room and then makes the rounds with erik and nicky and mark 
  * mark loves wymack instantly, even if he’s a little wary of him. nicky can tell because mark keeps looking over at wymack as he talks and looking like he wants to ask questions
  * nicky encourages him to and winks and laughs when wymack and mark end up talking exy
  * lbr this kid would not survive if he didn’t like exy at least a little bit (mark prefers soccer/football and art but he’s good with exy) 
  * matt and dan show up with their two children next and they all talk for a little bit before they get to meet mark
  * mark is still feeling really shy when he meets new people and matt and dan are so….loud and excited and he is just a little overwhelmed at first and he stands with his dads as he meets them and their kids
    * mark likes matt and dan, but he loves their kids more
    * he took care of a few kids in the system and these two are so much like them and he loves them
  * when aaron and katelyn show up with their son everyone moves out back because there’s more room and it’s nice out
  * mark is excited to meet aaron and he refuses to leave him alone unless one of the kids wants to play with him 
    * katelyn finds this adorable. it’s amazing. she tells aaron as much and he mock glares at her
  * kevin and thea and their daughter show up next and since mark is a bit of an exy fan he freezes
    * he didnt realize kevin day was friends with his dads
    * nicky is dying laughing when mark turns around at the sound of more people and his jaw drops 
    * erik hits the back of his head and he manages to reduce it to giggles but holy shit his son is practically having an aneurysm because kevin- asshole exy obsessed kevin- is standing and talking to wymack 
    * it takes a good twenty minutes for mark to get up the courage to go up to his dads and ask if he can meet kevin 
    * “of course” 
    * “HEY KEV” 
    * “don’t call me kev.” 
    * “get over here. our son wants to meet you” 
    * “everyone wants to meet me.”
    * “stop it. just get over here. he’s a big fan”
    * kevin walks over and puts on his press smile and meets mark and mark almost cries when he shakes his hand
    * nicky walks up to kevin later and smacks him on the back of the head and says “he’s my son, not a reporter. i get that he’s a fan, but seriously? don’t put on an act, asshole.” 
    * thea has to agree with nicky on this one- after all, kevin shouldn’t have done that if he was family like that
    * “he’s not my family. and you said he was a fan. appearances matter.”
    * “he might as well be your family! either talk to him how you’d talk to your kids and  dan and matt’s kids or don’t talk to him at all and break his little heart. your choice.”
    * kevin treats mark like he would any of the other kids after that because thea tore into him later too and he feels bad because he realized how he was being
  * neil and andrew dont show up until the next day (they got hung up. aka they both had bad days yesterday and didn’t want to subject anyone to that, not when they hadn’t seen nicky and erik in a while and mark was going to meet them) 
  * ok look. look here. mark may love kevin but he **_l o v e s_** neil
    * he already knew about neil being a part of their family though so he’s a little more prepared…
    * but when neil walks in around dinner the next night and mark is half asleep again (jet lag sucks) he loses it
    * he’s tugging on nicky’s sleeve and he’s nervous and he’s hissing in german about neil and neils stats and andrew and andrew’s stats too and nicky is just grinning and listening as his son sleepily talks to him about them
    * so it comes as the biggest shock when neil laughs and introduces himself to markel in german and mark just stops mid word and grins SO WIDE 
    * nicky feels so much love for this little boy he cannot believe it and mark’s hand is squeezing his arm so tight
    * and mark shakes neil’s hand asks how neil is in german (the classic “hello how are you” thing) 
    * nicky scoffs when neil says “i’m fine how are you” in response 
  * mark doesn’t really meet andrew though okay he just kind of…..sees him from afar
    * andrew is intimidating and when nicky asks if mark wants to meet him properly mark just kind of shakes his head and closes up
    * it worries nicky and erik
    * they talk about it later when everyone is sitting outside with drinks and the kids have gone to sleep 
  * everything is good for the first few days (everyone’s there for two weeks) 
  * schedules adjust, they go out and do things like shop, go to the boardwalk, etc
  * they’re all sitting outside and talking and stuff one night though
  * mark wanted to stay up with them but he fell asleep and he has his head in erik’s lap and everyone is talking and laughing and joking and just being the foxes 
  * things get quiet for a little bit and they look up at the stars and quietly dissolve into their own little worlds for a little bit
  * nicky gets pulled out of his (his head was on erik’s shoulder and erik was combing fingers through his hair and whispering “i love you” to him rlly quietly over and over. it was heaven) not long after falling into it
  * mark is tossing a little bit and he’s mumbling in german “no no no dont touch me no please” 
  * nicky hasn’t told anyone about mark’s past except aaron because that’s not really something they need to know to love him
    * he planned on telling them at some point during these two weeks, but u know
  * nicky and erik exchange a look and nicky tries to wake up mark as gently as he can and when he does mark clings to him the way one would never expect a 13 year old boy to cling to his father
  * nicky looks over mark’s shoulder as he rubs his back and whispers to him that he’s safe and he catches aaron’s eye
  * aaron looks down
  * nicky looks to andrew next to find andrew looking at mark’s back, his jaw tight 
  * he looks around to everyone in the group after that and they’re all wearing pretty angry looks, because let’s face it
  * mark is their family now. they love him. anyone who hurt him is public enemy number one. 
  * nicky has never felt so fiercely proud of his team in his life
  * mark doesn’t sleep after that dream and nicky tries his best to stay up with him
  * they sit outside even after everyone else has gone in, just mark and nicky and erik, and they talk and then sit in silence
  * nicky falls asleep on erik’s shoulder 
  * he wakes up a few hours later to find erik fell asleep too and mark is sitting just inside the fence with andrew and they seem to be talking
  * at least, mark is talking and andrew is smoking and listening and watching the sunrise over the treetops
  * it’s a picture moment, and nicky does snap one but he doesnt post it anywhere
  * let’s just say after that andrew talked to mark on skype every time neil skyped with them and he went on little outings with mark when they came to the US and andrew and mark have a lil bond that’s not unlike the one andrew has with renee 




	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andreil + fighting/lowering the percentage. non-con mention.

  * i love my son neil abram josten, but he has to fuck up here
  * so lets say they had a night of heavy drinking
  * well, everyone but renee and andrew did
  * when andrew dragged neil back to the dorm, kevin was passed out on matt’s couch, so it was only them in the dorm
  * and neil fucked up big time because he was so drunk he didnt know what he was doing


  * he tried to get andrew to have sex after a “no”
  * in the morning, neil wakes up on the couch
  * the foxes are going out for breakfast like they always do post-heavy-drinking because they can nurse their hangovers and complain together
  * neil goes to check on andrew before they leave, see if he’s coming or not
  * the foxes are all waiting in the hall when andrew walks out of the dorm and neil comes out after him, looking hopelessly confused
  * they all exchange looks before they head out and they get to the restaurant and sit down and everything
  * its incredibly awkward because no one wants to talk due to the absolute hell going on in their heads and because apparently something is going on between neil and andrew so theyre all trying to watch without looking like theyre watching
  * neil checks his phone when it vibrates in his pocket
  * it’s nicky
  * “ _what happened? what did u 2 fight about?_ ” 
  * neil looks up at him and meets his eye and shrugs
  * they order
  * andrew just gets a coffee and forgets to ask for extra sugar
  * so neil asks the waitress for him and smiles minutely at andrew afterward, praying that at least got something
  * nothing
  * andrew wont even look at him
  * he shifts awkwardly in his seat
  * the waitress comes back with their food and they all talk quietly and eat 
  * andrew doesnt talk, which isn’t horribly different,
  * but neil isn’t talking
  * he hasn’t said anything other than to order and he’s staring at the food like he cant eat or he’ll throw up and everyone keeps giving him worried looks
  * he gets up and walks outside about halfway through and the foxes see him walk by the window a few times (he’s just walking around the building. moving around helps him) 
  * kevin finally gets andrew to talk after neil goes outside
  * “what the hell happened?” 
  * “none of your fucking business.” 
  * now, the foxes know about the percentage thing, but they only know what neil told them, and that was “it’s the amount of time he wants to murder me.” because neil wants to keep their little thing a secret 
  * the foxes also know that number is a l w a y s increasing and it must have just gotten too high this time
  * last time they heard it andrew said “230%.”
  * nicky, poor soul, jokingly says “what, did he hit 300?” 
  * andrew, instead, says “the number went down. it’s 215% now. feel free to let him know.” 
  * instigator at heart, andrew minyard, everyone
  * nicky thinks “hey, it lowered! maybe they said ‘i love you’!!! that’s why things are so awkward!!!!!!” and hes so fukin excited here even thru his hangover
  * andrew is glaring down at his coffee again
  * neil left money on the table and the rest of them pay and add his money to it and they all leave
  * nicky offhandedly mentions in the car “hey, neil. neil. the percentage went down! how did that happen, huh?” 
  * neil literally pales
  * he stops breathing
  * when they get back to fox tower he is officially FREAKING OUT
  * he’s panicking so bad
  * it’s hard to breathe and he goes inside only to head directly up to the roof 
  * he doesn’t know what he did? why is it lower? how much lower? fuck
  * he texts nicky and has to type it out 4 times because he’s shaking so bad
  * “How much did it lower?”
  * “he said 215″
  * neil thinks hes gonna be sick
  * he texts andrew “Meet me on the roof.”
  * andrew comes up there, something neil actually hadnt been expecting, and they sit a ways apart on the edge 
  * “i’m sorry.”
  * “do you even know what you did?”
  * andrew’s words are absolutely dripping in acid and neil winces
  * “no. i don’t. will you tell me?”
  * “i said no. you tried.”
  * neil stares at him in confusion, wondering when andrew said no to explaining it to him,
  * then he catches on
  * he is so. horrified. and disgusted with himself
  * “i’m so sorry,” he manages, and it’s choked
  * “you said you wouldn’t be like them.”
  * neil feels his breath go
  * “i won’t let it happen again, andrew.”
  * “i shouldn’t be giving you another chance to let it happen again.”
  * “i understand if you don’t.” 
  * andrew puts out his cigarette and gets up and goes back downstairs
  * it takes a few days before neil is allowed to touch andrew again, and at that time they have to start all over and neil is only allowed to touch his hair for a week
  * but they get there
  * it doesn’t happen again




	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + happiness

  * nicky and erik fell asleep on the back lawn ok
  * they didnt mean to at all 
  * they were sitting out there watching the sunset and looking at the stars and the moon and talking about nothing and everything 
  * like the nerds they are
  * usually erik wakes up first but nicky’s slept like 3 more hours than he did
    * erik loves to watch nicky sleep, these freaking _nerds_ erik sat there for hours just combing his hand through nicky’s hair and down his back 
  * anyway nicky wakes up first
  * he winces away from the sun and groans a little and sits up
  * he looks down after wiping his eyes as he runs his hand through his hair 
  * and smiles
  * because erik is so beautiful when he’s asleep
  * especially in the sunlight mid morning 
  * his hair is glowing and his eyelashes are golden and his skin is tan and glistening a little and he just looks so good
  * nicky reaches out and brushes his fingers against one of erik’s cheekbones and lays down again facing erik
  * he cant believe he doesn’t notice the freckles dotting erik’s nose and cheeks more often 
    * i mean, they’re adorable
    * nicky wants to kiss every single one
  * and the thin pale scar running erik’s cheek from when he accidentally cut it rock climbing
  * and erik’s lips
    * his pretty, pretty lips
    * erik has a fuckin lip care routine
    * he uses a shit ton of chapstick
    * and he _exfoliates_ his lips
    * and he also licks and bites them all the time when he’s reading case files so theyre always this really cute pink
  * nicky sighs and kisses erik’s forehead 
  * “i could get used to this view when i wake up” 
  * nicky is startled when erik speaks and he _giggles_ when lips press to his neck 
  * erik reaches out and slides an arm over nicky’s side and kisses him 
  * nicky absolutely melts into it and thinks how he could and will spend his entire life this way and he’s never been happier




	49. Chapter 49

**_NICKY/ERIK + #23 (”I don’t want to break up.”)_ **

  * nicky goes to his aunt’s funeral
  * he’s never been close to her, and he doesn’t want to see his parents, but he needs to be there
  * for aaron
  * for andrew, the cousin he hasn’t really gotten the chance to talk to but has met
  * so he goes
  * and he finds out it’s either to nicky’s parents,
  * or back into the system for andrew, this time with aaron at his side
  * he doesn’t even have to make a choice
  * he isn’t letting them live with his parents and they are not going back into the system and nicky’ s old enough
  * so he asks them both if they’d prefer to be with him not long after the funeral
  * and aaron says yes, which means andrew says yes
  * but nicky can’t take andrew out of the united states since he’s practically fresh out of juvie and he didnt really want to anyway
  * but he cant leave erik behind
  * so he calls him as soon as he can


  * erik sounds tired and nicky knows he just recently woke up and he hates to spring this on him so early
  * “good morning”
  * _“good night”_
  * “did you sleep well?” he’s stalling
  * _“yes. how are you feeling? are you alright?”_
  * “yeah. i told you i wasn’t really close to her.”
  * _“she’s still your aunt.”_
  * “yeah.”
  * it’s silent for a minute and nicky knows he needs to just spit it out
  * “we need to talk”
  * erik stops in the middle of making himself hot chocolate
  * _“we need to…. talk?”_
  * “i have- i have to stay.”
  * _“you have to stay.”_
  * “aaron and andrew need me to. erik, they can either be adopted by my parents or they can be sent into the system again.”
  * _“nicky, you have a life here-”_
  * “i know. i know i do. this is killing me.”
  * _“you need to do this, though.”_
  * “yes, i do. i need to do this. i can’t let them take the twins.” 
  * it’s silent for a minute before erik sighs
  * _“i understand. stay there.”_
  * it’s silent again
  * nicky is picking at the blanket he’s wrapped around his waist as he sits outside tilda and the twins’ place
  * erik is continuing to make his hot chocolate 
  * nicky hears the squeak of a chair on the flood and assumes he’s finished 
  * he can just see it: the pan in the sink, erik sitting at the table with one hand curled around the mug, phone pressed to his ear
  * _“what does this mean for us?”_
  * nicky’s stomach drops
  * it was what he’d been dreading
  * he’s speaking really quietly when he replies
  * “i don’t know.”
  * erik’s voice shakes when he talks again and nicky closes his eyes
  * _“it will be a long time apart. maybe i should move there.”_
  * “erik, you’re in school. you’re not moving here.”
  * _“it’s a long time-”_
  * “you’re not dropping everything, too.” 
  * _“i’m not going to be with you and be without you.”_
  * “well you’re not dropping everything in the middle of the school year to move here just because i’m here. and i’m not picking up everything aaron and andrew have made here and moving them to germany.” 
  * _“nicky-”_
  * “don’t nicky me. not right now.”
  * _“i’m not.”_
  * that’s how nicky knows something is wrong
  * _“nicky, i don’t want to be with you and without you. i don’t- can’t- do long distance and keep-”_
  * erik breaks off there, but nicky knows what he means
  * he lowers the phone and covers the speaker in the blanket and lets out a really soft sob
  * he gets it out as much as he can before lifting the phone to his ear again to hear erik take a deep, shaking breath
  * all he can say is “i don’t want to break up.” 
  * erik says it too
  * so they talk it out
  * it takes a while, since nicky is still crying and he finds out erik actually cried too
  * eventually they reach the agreement
  * and nicky falls asleep on the phone this time, and erik stays on until he has to go to class
  * because these boyfriends are soft and happy and even when things go wrong they can work it out




	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a letter from wymack to his foxes.

dear foxes, current and future:

you’ll never read this until i’m dead and they find it in my lifeless hand, but i’m writing it anyway.   
i’ve given you one more chance than anyone else thought you deserved. you’ve used it well.   
it’s not everyday you hear someone tell you you’ve saved their life as they’re standing in their graduation cap and gown, and damn, is it a good feeling. it’s like the world has righted itself finally, like maybe you can go without a drink tonight. maybe you’ve done something right.   
it’s not everyday you lose someone, either. i remember seth- he was angry. he was fiery. he was high and he was mighty and he was rough and tough and a fighter, but he didn’t fight the thing he could have lived without and wound up dead. i remember everyone else, too, everyone who has died here. everyone i gave that chance to and everyone who squandered it. that’s what i try to avoid.   
that’s what you try to avoid.   
you’re all fighters. you’re fighters and survivors and you’ve come so far, from runaways to drug addicts to the depressed to angry to street workers to killers, you’ve all come this far.   
keep fighting. even if i’m not here to give you that one extra chance.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> erik klose + meeting the foxes.

  * so erik visits for christmas and stuff yall know that
  * which means he has so. so definitely met the upperclassmen before and andrew and aaron
  * but we’ve never heard about him meeting any of them?
  * and i refuse to believe that just went off without a hitch
  * the first time erik visited was when the twins were in high school still- their senior year
  * that’s what…… 2-3 years since he and erik last saw each other?
  * (if im wrong pls tell me)
  * and erik didn’t tell nicky he was coming
  * so they were at work when erik showed up at the house and erik was just stuck outside until they came home
  * and at first nicky thought it was a policeman sitting outside the front door and was like “so, andrew, what did you do now?” jokingly as he got out of the car and the twins followed
  * and he stops as he gets closer and stares at erik as he stands up and holds out his arms


  * (its cheesy. erik is a cheesy romantic) 
  * a laugh bubbles out of nicky and aaron looks at andrew like “???who dis” and nicky runs forward and hugs erik 
  * andrew just shrugs and goes inside 
  * aaron follows when it looks like nicky isnt too concerned
  * they meet erik truly in the morning when they find nicky making hot chocolate in the kitchen (erik’s insistence. andrew thinks erik may be okay.) and aaron and nicky have coffee and andrew and erik drink hot chocolate and they have a small conversation in german 
  * now look. aaron is kind of wary and so is andrew but erik seems to be okay so?
  * they dont really warm up to him per se but they end up used to him being there after two weeks and it’s a little weird when erik leaves after new years
  * so then erik comes to visit again when they’re at palmetto
  * and nicky makes him meet everyone who’s there 
  * erik and kevin…..only get along because erik is interested in history too and he and kevin have debates about things like whether hiroshima was necessary, european history, etc
  * erik and matt are both big puppies and get along because of that
  * dan and erik are…..okay. she’s a little intense for him but they’re good enough
  * renee and erik are like nicky and renee tbh he thinks she’s so good and pure and she gets along with everyone
  * seth hates everyone new really so u know 
  * allison thinks erik has great fashion sense and she kind of likes him in the way she likes nicky
  * so yeah. things are okay there with the upperclassmen (we know nothing of the past foxes really so :-/// ) 
  * and then comes neil
  * nicky and erik have talked on the phone so much more than usual this year because neil fucks everything up and thenu know,,,, seth and baltimore and just nicky freaking out all the time in general
  * and they meet after the win against the ravens, when they have the little celebration party
  * and neil and erik hit it off ok 
  * they get along well
  * erik is impressed by neils german and then realizes smth
  * LISTE N HERE THIS IS WHERE IT GETS GOOD
  * he.
  * knows.
  * neil.
  * of course, he knows him by another name, so,
  * they’re talking, nicky is hanging from erik happily and listening to them
  * andrew is talking to kevin across the room 
  * they talk a lil about germany and stuff and then erik just laughs and calls him by that name
  * and neil freezes and nicky looks up at him like “????what????” 
  * nervous laughter bubbles out of neil- he has no reason to dodge it all, really, but it’s instinct 
  * “i’m not him”
  * “sorry, neil,” erik says a lil sheepishly
  * he really didnt mean to call him that
  * and then they talk about stuff they used to do!!! they were lowkey friends tbh neil was told to stay out of trouble but he and erik used to prank people (harmlessly but) 
  * anyway
  * erik gets along with most all of the foxes really well and w neil and nicky best :-)))))) 
  * because erik is a lil puppy and he is loved he’s so loved :-)))))))))))) i love him too 




	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + tension.

  * here was one other time as intense as the nightmare time
  * and it happened _after_ they were together
  * so you know how i said erik and nicky and their friends snuck into a gay club?
  * well they did
  * and while there they partied so hard
  * they got drunk (they had a hotel not far away, dw) and partied and erik and nicky danced together and with their group and all in all it was amazing
  * an amazing way to celebrate nicky
  * well, there was a part of the night ok
  * they were all drunk. 
  * nicky and erik snuck outside between the club and the building beside it, and made out against the wall in this grimy alley in the middle of the city
  * we all know nicky is a humorous drunk and i like to believe nicholas hemmick is ticklish
  * so that’s how erik finds out!!!! 
  * they’re making out against the wall and nicky’s legs are around erik’s waist and his hands are in erik’s hair 
  * at least,,,,,until erik pins one of his arms against the brick


  * nicky finds this really hot
  * and he’s never been this hard bc of erik
  * and erik is kissing his neck and he’s in heaven despite the fact that his head is swimming and he kind of wants another drink
  * and look this is where things get great
  * erik is kissing down nicky’s neck
  * nicky is wearing like……a tank top or a muscle tank or whatever, whichever u prefer (i like to think he loves muscle tanks) (lbr the kid has a great abdomen)
  * and erik eventually starts to kiss up nicky’s arm
  * and his lips brush the skin on nicky’s inner arm 
  * nicky tries his hardest but he starts giggling and it ruins the intensity of the moment
  * erik looks at him weird and presses his lips to nicky’s arm again 
  * but nicky just laughs more
  * so erik looks behind them
  * no one is there
  * what the hell?
  * “what are you laughing at?” 
  * nicky is still laughing because when he starts he cant stop, ESPECIALLY if he’s drunk and he feels bad but he cant help it
  * “i’m ticklish,” nicky explains through his laughter 
  * and erik laughs too and shakes his head “i thought it felt good”
  * “it did! it did. i’m just ticklish!” 
  * and theyre standing there laughing, erik’s head on nicky’s shoulder and nicky’s arms around his neck now and his feet on the ground 
  * and nicky thinks “ _i love you_ ”
  * and stops laughing almost immediately 
  * because _**holy shit**_
  * and erik has noticed he stopped 
  * and he’s still laughing a little when he looks up at nicky and brushes his fingers against nicky’s sweaty forehead and pushes the curling, damp hair away from it and 
  * and nicky thinks it again
  * and he tears up a little because he’s also an emotional drunk
  * erik finds this so sososososo so endearing and he exhales sharply and cradles nicky’s cheek in his hand 
  * nicky leans into it and closes his eyes
  * and erik feels his heart expand to about twenty times its size and he has to take a deep breath 
  * erik has thought “ _i love you_ ” before about nicky, so he’s not AS freaked out but he’s still freaked out by it
  * especially drunk
  * erik thinks it now, too, as his thumb brushes across nicky’s cheekbone and under his eye and nicky’s eyelashes brush against his thumb
  * and then nicky takes a shaky breath and opens his eyes again and just looks at erik
  * just looks at him
  * with this look, one that just shows erik everything
  * and erik wants to say it
  * and nicky wants to say it
  * but their bodies are saying it
  * and each breath they exhale is saying it
  * and every beat of their heart is saying it
  * and the _entire world_ is saying it
  * but all nicky says is “we should go back to our friends”
  * and all erik says is “yes” 
  * and they share a few more kisses (which say it as well) and go back inside




	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + wedding night. nsfw.

  * nicky and erik’s first time as a married couple was, really, essentially,
  * drunk sex
  * almost everyone at the wedding got drunk (shut up i dont mean to perpetuate german stereotypes it just that, being real, its a wedding. people drink a lot at weddings sometimes. especially the foxes the foxes drink to celebrate and nicky and erik wanted to let loose)
  * and it was in a reception hall at a hotel, so everyone had rooms right
  * so nicky and erik had a room
  * they could have taken a cab home but nah not when everyone else was staying there 
  * so they get up to the hotel room, right??? theyre leaning against each other in the elevator and stumble their way down the hall (nicky is holding eriks hand and following after him and laughing and its rlly cute)
  * and they get inside the room after 5 tries
  * once inside their nerves hit them
  * it shouldnt be weird, but it is
  * theyre married
  * theyre drunk
  * theres a bed
  * they have everything they need
  * but……how do they do this?
  * slow? because its their wedding night?
  * fast? because they have their entire lives to go slow?
  * right now theyre just standing there staring at each other and breathing hard 
  * because they know whats coming and what they want to do
  * and its erik- the confident drunk- who makes the first move
  * he leans in and kisses nicky against the door and presses himself up against him
  * and nicky feels his nerves go away when erik’s grip tightens on his hips and he leans up into it and digs his fingernails into eriks shoulders
  * and theyre a little shaky from nerves and alochol 
  * they keep going and eventually it becomes a trail of the clothing that made up their suits from the door to the bed
  * and erik pushes nicky down on the bed and nicky grins up at him and jokingly calls him big boy (look. these guys are the most cliche and its BEAUTIFUL) 
  * erik laughs and starts kissing him again
  * and then erik kisses his neck and his shoulder and across his chest 
  * hes mapping out every inch of nicky’s skin with his lips and his hands are on nicky’s sides and brushing the skin on his back 
  * nicky starts to cry
  * he loves erik so much and now theyre married and erik is being so _tender_ right now
  * erik sees nicky crying and stops and comes back up to him and pulls nickys hands from his face and smiles and kisses his forehead and wipes at his tears 
  * “why are you crying?”
  * “i love you.”
  * erik laughs and says he loves nicky also and nicky laughs through his tears and pulls erik down to kiss him
  * get ready for the major NSFW warning dont say i didnt give one i gave TWO
  * and erik ends up with nickys legs on his shoulders and hes prepping nicky and nicky is still a little teary
  * and erik uses his free hand to wipe nicky’s cheeks again and he laughs a little through his heavy breathing and says
  * “our first time doing this….. you cried then, too.”
  * and nicky smiles and bites erik’s thumb lightly and says 
  * “i’d never had anyone-” but he cuts off with a loud moan because erik moved his fingers
  * and erik, smug erik, smirks and kisses nicky’s leg and says
  * “you never had anyone before?”
  * and nicky nods
  * and then erik is pushing himself into nicky and looking down at nicky as he does
  * and one of nicky’s hands is in erik’s hair and the other is curled into the blanket on the bed and he’s got his mouth wide and his eyes are closed and his eyebrows are knitted together 
  * erik has never thought him more beautiful
  * not even when he saw nicky in the designer suit that’s now been crumpled and stepped on on the floor trailing from the door
  * nicky opens his eyes and they just kind of…..stare at each other and take each other in during it 
  * and its just like their first time, only it doesnt hurt nicky as much and erik isnt nervous as hell 
  * and nicky curls his hand around the back of eriks neck and tries to drag him down for a kiss but he cant
  * but erik’s hand shoves into nicky’s hair and then along his shoulder and his arm to the hand curled in the blanket
  * and it just feels….weird
  * the cold metal of the ring his brushing against his skin and his senses are already heightened and it just feels so amazing 
  * and afterward, theyre laying there and erik is off him and nicky has his head on erik’s chest and is listening to his heartbeat and he hears erik take a very, very shaky breath and looks up slowly to find him _crying_  
  * he asks why and leans into erik’s touch and pushes stray hair from erik’s face 
  * “did we make a mistake? should we have not-”
  * “no! no, we- i-” erik takes another shaky deep breath and nicky uses the pads of his fingers to wipe his tears because thats what they _do_
  * “i never expected to fall in love with you when i kissed you in the yard. and then i was in love with you when we first did this in my room when mama and papa were gone and we- we waited so long after everything to get to this point and now- now we’re here and it’s everything i’ve imagined and i-”
  * and nicky is going to start crying too if he doesnt do something then and there so he kisses erik with all the emotion he can muster and straddles erik’s waist and holds his face as he does and actually?? he kind of likes the salty taste of the kiss and he needs erik _closer closer **closer**_ or he’ll go insane
  * they end up going at it again, nicky in control, and he kisses and licks and bites every inch of erik’s neck and shoulders he can reach and he’s kissing him when they come together and he swallows erik’s groan of his name
  * and once he catches his breath he mumbles “don’t nicky me” with a smile 
  * erik laughs and shoves him lightly 
  * neither has been so happy when drunk




	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the foxes + (happy) drunk truth or dare.

  * drunk truth or dare is a regular thing for the foxes
  * the only ones who arent regularly drunk during it are andrew and renee and neil, but andrew and neil have both been drunk during it before
    * andrew only once. he never did it again
  * the foxes have their go to most of the time, but they like to switch it up sometimes
    * dan: dare. allison: truth. renee: dare. neil: dare. andrew: dare. nicky: truth. aaron: truth. kevin: truth.
    * only matt switches back and forth about fifty-fifty
  * and the dares they come up with are either RIDICULOUS or they are so bland
  * it depends on how drunk they are
  * one time neil and matt got locked in a closet together for 20 minutes and all they did was switch clothes (which wasnt even their dare. they just did it for the sake of doing it because they had nothing else to do) 
    * when they walked out the look on dan and andrews faces were so hilarious 
    * neil was in even baggier clothing and matt in neil’s clothing was just….obscene 
  * andrew once had to lick whipped cream off neil’s nose 
    * nicky has 10 pictures of it
  * aaron and neil were forced to wear the same sweatshirt once for an entire round
  * renee and andrew had to hold hands once too
  * dan and matt had to go the rest of the game without touching one time 
  * nicky had to do an impression of kevin
  * kevin had to tell his least favorite historical story and he started ranting afterward and neil had to put duct tape on kevin’s mouth to keep him from continuing the rant 
    * allison: neil. truth or dare. 
    * neil: dare
    * allison: make kevin shut the fuck up
  * when andrew was drunk he said “truth- fuck- dare”
    * they made him say a truth
    * “how do you really feel about neil?”
    * “i hate him and want to kill him. abram. truth or dare.”
    * “dare.”
    * “kill nicky.”
    * _“hey!”_
  * im sure i could come up with more but…..thats just off the top of my head 
  * the foxes are allllll nerds




	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dan wilds, neil josten friendship

  * matt and neil are the true Bros we all know that
  * but dan and neil are  like just as close
  * in a way dan reminds neil of the good things about his mother, the things he respected, and he loves it
  * shes comforting to him
  * and shes strong and feisty and ready to tell a bitch off
  * and he loves it so much
  * but look. ive got a few things that have happened for u here
  * neil likes to draw. even better: he likes to draw on people and dan is one of those people
    * she’s so proud of her foxes and she will GLADLY let him draw fox paws up and down her arm or leg any day. 
    * they’ve sat and dan has watched a movie while waiting for matt to get back from class and neil has just….sat there and decorated her arm in orange sharpie 
    * she managed to let it stay for 3 days by not scrubbing it in the shower and tracing over what got rubbed off a little bit, but on monday at practice her padding rubbed it off and she was really kind of upset 
      * neil promised to do it again for her
  * at eden’s twilight when the upperclassmen came with them neil and dan were dancing together and this guy tried to hit on dan and neil acted like her boyfriend to get him to go away 
    * dan has done the same for neil too, with many girls 
  * when their schedules match up and they both feel like it dan and neil go out for coffee and/or study together 
    * they both study the same way, so it’s really cool
    * dan isnt too good with math and neil helps her with that
    * and dan likes sciences so she helps neil with chemistry if theyre studying together
    * also, neil knows dan’s coffee order by heart and if he notices she’s in the library or she’s having a bad day he takes her a venti mocha with extra caramel and whipped cream 
  * dan has joined neil (a little reluctantly) on his runs 
    * when she does, neil takes his pace down just a little bit so he can stick with her
    * she mostly goes to keep an eye on him because this kid is so unlucky but when they stop at a cafe and neil treats her to coffee and they walk the rest of the way back she feels much better 
  * dan goes to neil captain-to-captain for help with the foxes and controlling them
    * she’s more of a “fight it out and suck it up” kind of person whereas neil is a “how can we make them work it out” person 
    * they balance each other out well in co-captaining the foxes 
  * dan and neil are the best captains ever lbr
  * and theyre bffs
  * thats all




	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky hemmick + being attacked. tw homophobic slurs.

  * it’s not popular for nicky to go out alone, but he does sometimes
  * he’ll go on ice cream runs
  * or alcohol runs
  * or sometimes grocery runs
  * but he usually does it either in the middle of the day or at midnight
  * he was restless, though, and erik had called, 
  * so he went on a walk down to the tiny grocery store at about midnight for some chips (he’s grown accustomed to not having them in the dorm, so he didn’t have any) and soda
  * and he’s on the phone with erik for about half of it, laughing and babbling away in german, since erik mostly likes to call him to hear his voice
  * and he walks past this group of men drinking in their yard right as he says “bye erik, i love you” in english, because he likes saying it in english just as much as he does in german
  * maybe more
  * anyway. 
  * these guys are homophobic assfucks and they’re shitfaced and angry 
  * so one of them throws a beer bottle at nicky
  * and nicky dodges it
  * “i’m a backliner for exy, fuckwads. might want to try harder!” 


  * _“you’re also a fucking faggot!”  
_
  * _“pillow biter!”_
  * nicky gives them the finger and keeps walking, 
  * but these guys are drunk and idk if u’ve ever seen some homophobic straight white men drunk, but they’re ruthless
  * they follow him
  * nicky considers calling the police, but he doesn’t really need them
  * he’s nicky hemmick, after all. he can run pretty well (certainly better than some drunk guys) and he can dodge and get around people good enough if he needs to
  * _“fag!”  
_
  * _“pansy!”  
_
  * _“homo!”_
  * nicky is pretty good with slurs. people have tried to get through him on the court with them and he’s resilient
  * the store is up in the distance too, visible now
  * he considers running to it
  * he gets ready to, but then he hears it
  * “ _you know what we do to faggots, mike?_ ”
  * nicky freezes in horror at those 7 words, the ones he heard right before he was almost beat to death outside eden’s twilight
  * the guys catch up with him and surround him
  * he tries to catch his breath and get the feeling back in his body, but they’re shoving him around
  * he’s gaining himself back, and he’s not the biggest instigator, so he tries telling them to stop
  * then he says “my cousin’s andrew minyard and he’ll fucking kill you if you do anything to me”
  * these guys don’t know or care who andrew minyard is, honestly
  * so they keep going
  * they’re pretty loud so a light turns on in the house across the street, but the guys don’t really care or notice
  * nicky notices though
  * he yells “CALL THE POLICE” as loud as he can
  * _“shut the fuck up!”_  and a fist in his gut
  * nicky doubles over and gets a knee to the face
  * he feels blood start to pour from his nose and gasps in air through his mouth to try and cancel out the burning in his ribs but nothing can stop the burning in his face
  * the guys are starting to realize their mistake by now, especially the one with nicky’s blood running down his leg from his knee
  * he’s backing off with his hands up
  * but nicky’s pissed now
  * he didn’t get to do anything last time because he was attacked ruthlessly and this was ruthless but these guys know better
  * still, this is nicky. he’s a fox. he’s brawled on the court and off the court. he’s a fucking fox and he is _fucking_   _pissed_.
  * he pulls his arm back and punches the man who hit him and the guy goes down
  * and nicky books it
  * he’s so grateful for practice and the fact that he didnt actually walk to the other store like he’d been planning to (even though he would have avoided this completely if he had) 
  * he makes it back to fox tower in record time and into the elevator before he registers he just did all that with his nose leaking blood and breathing through his mouth and his sides are killing him
  * he’s wheezing as he enters the dorm room 
  * and he just leans against the door and starts sobbing, wheezing through them, and slides down the door to sit on the floor
  * he has no idea if his nose is broken and he really doesnt care right now 
  * hes just terrified
  * and he’s hurting 
  * he hears the door to the bedroom squeak open and ducks his head into his lap and curves both hands around the back of his neck
  * “nicky?” it’s matt
  * nicky looks up warily and aaron is standing there too
  * matt is sleepy and looking at nicky in confusion, 
  * but when he sees nicky’s face he wakes right up
  * “holy fucking shit nicky what-”
  * “don’t”
  * matt stops mid sentence and nicky just reaches out one hand 
  * matt helps him up and into the bathroom
  * nicky takes one look in the mirror and winces
  * aaron doesnt look much happier and he just casts around for a second before grabbing a towel and wetting it down
  * matt waits a second before walking back into the bedroom
  * nicky hears him on the phone, saying “abby? hey, it’s matt…” 
  * aaron is still patting the area around nicky’s nose lightly, wiping off the blood that dried there and the new blood
  * “what happened?”
  * “they heard me say i love you.” 
  * aaron shuts up, but nicky can see the muscles in his jaw working
  * he’s feeling a little woozy now, dizzy from blood loss and still trying to catch his breath
  * matt comes in with a shirt on now and shoes on too and tosses shoes to aaron
  * “abby said she wants to look at it. she might be able to fix it up if it isn’t broken. she told me to come right over.” 
  * aaron tells nicky to keep the towel by his nose to help stop the bleeding, even if it hurts, and nicky does the entire ride there
  * abby rules that it’s broken and tells aaron and matt to go back to fox tower and get some sleep
  * nicky has to sit out of the game friday and out of a few practices
  * honestly though, it’s made up for by the way andrew’s face changes when nicky explains
  * nicky likes knowing his cousin still cares so intensely, but he doesn’t miss the way neil talks to andrew later and the way andrew can’t look at nicky’s face without his jaw tightening




	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andreil + hurt neil

  * neil and andrew are going to go to columbia for the weekend
  * at least, they were
  * neil is stuck in a fight right now
  * some of his father’s men caught up to him in the middle of campus, by the library
  * he hadn’t recognized them immediately and that had been his worst mistake
  * he’s earned a fist to the gut and a knife dragging down his arm and a black eye
  * he considers pulling out his phone and calling andrew, but he knows he can’t because andrew would kill them


  * the rest of the foxes know his story but they dont know the extent and he doesnt want to endanger them, so he doesn’t call them either
  * he’s on his own
  * neil is fighting for his life again
  * he’s cornered between two buildings and he’s trying to get free but they’re ruthless
  * “surrender, nathaniel.”
  * “fuck you.”
  * neil adds a kick to that, but the man blocks it and knocks neil onto his back on the ground
  * he’s digging his foot into neil’s ribs so hard neil swears he hears one snap
  * he knows it happens when it goes numb
  * “your father may be dead, but we’re far worse.”
  * neil spits at them
  * they kick his face
  * “you’re going to die where you want to be so bad”
  * that foot is back on his ribs again
  * he hears someone yell right when his vision starts to go in and out 
  * next he knows, there are hands on his face and fire coursing through his body
  * “hey, neil,” says a voice he feels like he should know. “i need you to open your eyes. can you do that for me? neil?” 
  * he tries, but only one of them opens
  * neil groans and closes them again
  * “josten.”
  * neil opens his eyes again and looks at abby
  * “thank you, neil. stay with me. talk if you can.”
  * “butcher’s men.” is all he gets out
  * “they’re in custody.” 
  * neil looks over at andrew, who is standing at his side and looking at him in anger
  * “the police have them. you’re fine as soon as abby patches you up.”
  * “they broke ribs.”
  * he hears andrew curse and abby’s fingers still for a second before she very gingerly starts to lift neil’s shirt
  * “it’s fine. he’s seen it.” 
  * abby pulls up his shirt the rest of the way and neil winces a little
  * (ok ive been working on this for hours im gonna shorten this part)
  * basically, neil ends up having to go to the hospital
  * he has a broken rib (lucky summer is approaching and exy is over for the season) 
  * andrew is pissy the rest of the day and neil has to try so hard to calm him down 
    * eventually (as soon as possible) they do drive to columbia and they go to sweety’s and andrew eats…..a lot of ice cream and they go to the house and neil lets andrew take care of him if he wants and…..yeah




	58. Chapter 58

**_ANDREIL + "You can't walk. Up you go."_ **

  * neil is stressed 
  * he’s been thinking about the deal he has with ichirou
  * and kevin yelled at him after practice today 
  * “ _if you keep slacking off, you’ll never get to Court._ ”
  * neil is stressed
  * kevin’s right
  * hes been focusing too much on his classes (he’s taking chemistry again and it’s hell) 
  * and he’s been focusing too much on his not-relationship with andrew 
  * neil goes to the court for night practice with a new vengeance 
  * he stays after, too, making andrew take kevin back from sheer willpower (aka he asked, said he wanted to clean stuff up a bit, and andrew looked at him weird but did it anyway)
  * neil is mostly worried about his speed even though he shouldnt be
  * he drills against an imaginary backliner for hours, until his stomah hurt from exertion and his entire body felt like it was encased in flame
  * and im sure u remember when neil blew out his arms against andrew???? that iconic moment??
  * well he does that again
  * only with his legs 
  * he tries to run more footwork but as soon as he starts it he feels his knee gives out and he goes down
  * he’s not too concerned at first
  * but then he tries to get back up and he cant
  * his legs fold under him and he’s leaning on his hands and breathing heavy 
  * he leans down and touches his forehead to the court floor and feels a sob break out of him 
  * he wont make it to court
  * he’ll never make it to court
  * he’ll fail, 
  * ichirou will kill him,
  * it’s not fair
  * he doesn’t hear the court doors open
  * he hears footsteps and tenses a little, trying to quiet himself
  * “feeling sorry for yourself?”
  * neil clenches his jaw at andrew’s voice
  * “come on, josten. sleep waits.” 
  * andrew waits, then crouches down next to neil 
  * “answer me.”
  * “i can’t.”
  * “you can’t.” 
  * andrew waits for a response, then puts one hand on the back of neil’s neck
  * “you pushed yourself too hard. dumbass.” 
  * “yeah.” 
  * “fucking dumbass. i should have come in when you didn’t come out earlier. what is your problem?”
  * “nothing. nevermind. i’m fine.” neil leans back up 
  * andrew stares at him for a moment, and neil knows he can see the tear streaks on his cheeks and he cant care
  * luckily, andrew knows what its like to not want to talk about it
  * he holds out a hand 
  * neil takes it and lets andrew help him up, but once there andrew has to catch him
  * “you can’t walk.” 
  * “thats why i couldnt get up earlier.”
  * andrew sighs and slides neil’s arm over his shoulder
  * “shut up.” 
  * andrew says it as he leans down and scoops neil up
  * neil had changed out earlier with kevin and andrew and stayed out of his gear except his helmet, but he took that off earlier 
  * neil was still holding his racquet though and he winced when andrew grabbed it and tossed it in the general direction of the gear closet
  * “just because you don’t have any respect for it doesn’t mean i don’t.” 
  * “i could just drop you here and leave you until morning.” 
  * neil smiles a little before andrew puts him in the car
  * he falls asleep in the car, sitting in the passenger seat with his head against the window
  * andrew has to carry him to the dorm too 
  * neil wakes up in andrew’s bed the next morning 




	59. Chapter 59

**_NICKY/ERIK + "Be gentle on yourself. You're doing the best you can."_ **

  * nicky’s in the US
  * erik’s just started his new job, one working as a lawyer in stuttgart, where they’ll live as soon as nicky returns
  * it was a rough day for both of them
  * erik was pushed harder than he thought possible, harder than he was in school even
  * aaron got in trouble for fighting at school again and got suspended. again. 
  * nicky falls into bed and calls erik, and it’s about 8 in germany and erik is just getting home from work
  * erik picks up with a yawn and a mumbled “ _hello?_ ” 
  * nicky smiles and holds the phone closer, like he can somehow get erik closer that way
  * “hello.”
  * erik’s smile is fleeting, he’s so tired
  * of course erik knows nicky can talk for hours on end so he prompts a short and quiet 
  * “ _how was your day?_ ” 
  * nicky starts in, and erik hears the entirety of it
  * from waking up, to taking the twins to school, to sleeping and waking up to a call from the school to pick aaron minyard up because he’s suspended for fighting a student who was doing nothing wrong, to now
  * and erik listens to it on speaker as he undresses and puts on sweatpants and goes into the kitchen 
  * “anyway, enough about me. how was your first day?” 


  * this is where things get tricky
  * erik has a tendency to be able to give advice on dealing with situations well, 
  * but he can’t take his own advice
  * so he’s hardest on himself 
  * he leans against the counter, phone against his ear, and pinches the bridge of his nose
  * he wasn’t really expecting nicky to be so short (in nicky terms) with his answer and ask about his day, but he should have expected it
  * still, it brings stuff bubbling to the surface and he lets out a sharp and humorless laugh 
  * _“i messed up a lot. it wasn’t good. maybe i’m not cut out to be a lawyer, nicky…”_
  * nicky swears his heart breaks at the sound of erik saying that
  * it’s all erik’s wanted to be for years and nicky knows that
  * he’s been so excited for this job and now this? 
  * “erik-”
  * erik proceeds to tell him everything he did wrong
  * nicky barely understands half of it and erik has to translate some words for him 
  * but it doesnt sound half as bad as erik is making it out to be
  * “erik, shut up.” 
  * erik shuts up
  * nicky sighs and wishes so hard he could kiss erik and tell him this in person but he cant so he has to just settle with it over the phone
  * “look, baby, you-” he sighs again
  * “ _i know._ ”
  * “erik, be gentle on yourself. you’re doing the best you can. it’s your first day. now, if it was your fiftieth, it might be different, but it’s your first day. do you remember how many times i messed up on my first day?”
  * erik smiles even though he doesnt want to and he laughs out a small “ _yes_ ”
  * nicky smiles and recounts the reason erik is laughing (nicky spilled drinks on these guys by accident at least three times and the guys eventually just took the drinks at the bar instead of having them brought to them) 
  * erik feels a little better now that he’s laughed and heard nicky laugh and he thinks maybe tomorrow will be better
  * “ _can we stay on the phone until i fall asleep?_ ” 
  * “of course. are you feeling better?”
  * “ _yes. i love you._ ”
  * “i love you, too” 




	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + wedding

  * they have one in germany (a very small ceremony, mostly for erik’s family because some of them can’t travel out of the country because of old age) and one in the US 
    * the one in the US is literally the day after the one in Germany and doesn’t have the usual signing of the marriage license or anything, it’s more for traditions sake, and for neil’s sake. (he can’t leave the country due to the FBI still and the foxes don’t want him to have to do something stupid) 
    * aaron and andrew come to both weddings and so do erik’s parents
    * and here comes the US wedding story
  * both of them are so. so fucking nervous 
    * i mean, they haven’t seen each other since noon yesterday because they’re doing that thing where they’re staying apart until the wedding, right? 
    * so they’re dying with nerves
    * they went YEARS apart but this is antagonizing
    * nicky is staying in a hotel room with allison and renee for the night and they’re drinking and watching movies and renee is talking nicky through his nerves
    * erik is in another room on another floor with his friends (they insisted on staying with him to make sure he doesnt go see nicky because they don’t know how allison isnt even letting nicky off the couch and if she does its only to let him go to the bathroom and she follows him)
    * they do get to talk on the phone though right before falling asleep and nicky is uncharacteristically quiet and erik is babbling away because erik babbles when he’s nervous


  * allison helped nicky plan the wedding and she supplied the suits and dresses for the wedding party 
    * classic black 3 pieces, but nicky is wearing an orange tinted shirt under his (it’s a thing all the foxes are doing; they all incorporate SOME orange into their person on their wedding day) while erik’s shirt is white
    * nicky chose allison (they got really close. he still calls her a catty bitch, but good naturedly) and aaron and andrew to be in his part of the wedding party and they look amazing, all of them (allison chose a dress that would compliment her most, but it looks great on erik’s two female wedding party members too) 
  * erik and nicky come out at the same time
    * nicky has seen erik in a suit before, but not in one this nice. he has to cover his mouth as they walk toward each other and force his feet to move slow because he wants to run
    * erik trips a little when he sees nicky and smiles wider than ever and his hand is shaking when he takes nicky’s hand
  * nicky drops the ring when he goes to put it on erik’s finger
    * erik does the same
    * renee makes sure to get pictures of both of them picking up the rings
  * the wedding is outside but the reception is in the hall of a hotel across the street
    * they do the bouquet toss (allison’s bouquet. she demanded she have one and nicky agreed but only if he got to toss it) in the middle of walking across the street
    * katelyn catches it!!!! little does she know aaron was actually planning on proposing the next day 
    * nicky knows, though and he almost screams 
      * erik has to cover his mouth to keep him from actually screaming 
  * turns out the hall isn’t ready yet, so the entire group has to wait in the lobby and they just do wedding pictures then
    * nicky insists they do multiple serious ones, then a few funny ones, simply because he wanted an excuse to jump in erik’s arms in one of them
    * they get pictures of all the foxes together 
      * they do this at every wedding and it’s amazing!!!!! nicky loves it they always do one serious and one funny and he always has new poses for them (in this one he’s ‘flipping off’ the camera but with his left ring finger instead of his middle finger) 
  * they’re finally let into the hall and nicky fucking jumps on erik’s back and erik carries him piggyback into the hall 
  * everyone eats first, then they start the music
  * it’s mostly dance music, the kind of stuff you’d hear at eden’s twilight, 
  * but then matt (who wanted to be the announcer for it!) announces it’s time for a toast
    * turns out aaron has a speech prepared and when he starts speaking nicky cries, then laughs, then cries 
    * one of erik’s best friends also has a speech prepared and he speaks in broken english and keeps everyone laughing with stories of “the tension that everyone could feel between nicky and erik when nicky was living in erik’s house” 
    * wymack gives a speech and so does erik’s dad but……..nicky cries his way through both of those and has to hide his face in erik’s shoulder
  * then comes the first dance. 
    * this is what i was most excited for. ok listen to this.
    * their first dance is to First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes ([LYRICS HERE](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.azlyrics.com%2Flyrics%2Fbrighteyes%2Ffirstdayofmylife.html&t=ZjYxNDcwYjJjYjA0MDQxYmFmNTNmNWZhODc0MDFjOTllODI5MWU0YyxUbDl3MERkcA%3D%3D)) 
    * seriously. look t the lyrics. look at them and tell me renee and allison and abby and erik’s mom and half their friends didn’t cry
    * especially when nicky and erik press their foreheads together and grin at each other at “ _but i realize that i need you_ ” and erik kisses nicky’s nose
  * the champagne comes out after that and everyone floods onto the floor for the next few songs
  * nicky and erik make the rounds and chatter with everyone 
  * nicky watches neil and andrew (actually aaron) start to head toward the dancefloor and erik has to cover his mouth again 
  * erik dances with his mom, nicky dances with erik’s mom, 
    * nicky gets a little drunk and has to have erik calm him down because nicky always imagined dancing with his mom at his wedding and he’s crying and standing against the wall 
  * nicky, poor drunk nicky, does call his parents though when he goes outside for a bit of air 
    * no one picks up. he didn’t excpect anyone to. 
    * he leaves a message. 
    * “i got married today and yesterday. to erik. i know this will disgust you and ruin your day, but i thought you should know. i’m proud of who i am and i’m happy, and i wish you could see this. i wish you could accept me, but i’ve accepted that you won’t. my version of faith is different from yours and i forgave myself, so why can’t you?” 
    * he hangs up before he can make even more of a fool of himself 
    * he cries for a bit until someone comes along and asks him why and he tells them “i just got married and my parents aren’t here.” and they tell him “someone as good looking as you doesn’t deserve to be out here crying tears of sadness on their wedding day. go back in there and love whoever you love, buddy. you’ll feel better seeing their face.” 
    * erik comes out as nicky is talking to the person and nicky looks up at him and smiles and erik smiles back 
  * erik smashes the first piece of cake into nicky’s face without even taking a bite
    * they do the arm thing, right? like, holding the cake in their hands and their arms linked together
    * erik acts like he’s going to take a bite and when nicky does, he just smushes the entire piece against the side of nicky’s face 
    * nicky makes sure to kiss his cheek and wipe the rainbow crumbs and white frosting _aaaaalllllll_ over as he does
  * i could go on for hours but those are jsut the big highlights of the nicky/erik wedding




	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andreil + wedding/wedding night. nsfw.

  * neither of them really care to have a wedding or not, let’s face it, but they do anyway, and it’s all nicky’s fault
    * it’s not like they really have anyone to invite, anyway
    * just the foxes they played with that can stand andrew come, (aka the fam from the books, robin, and a few more) along with abby and wymack and erik 
    * nicky planted the idea in neil’s head, though, and neil brought it up with andrew and andrew’s response was “if you want one, abram, you are planning it.” 
    * which isn’t a no! neil plans it with nicky and allison’s help (they planned nicky and erik’s wedding, so ofc he’s going to them) 
  * the colors are orange and white and black because it’s neil josten’s wedding
    * white and black suits, primary color coming first, and both have orange tulips (meaning: fascination, desire) pinned to their lapels
    * renee and robin wear orange dresses tailored by allison (andrew’s wedding party, and matt and aaron are neil’s (aaron and neil got close over the years, and even if they still hate each other neil wasn’t going to let aaron not be in the wedding party))
  * the wedding is almost at fox stadium, but then neil remembers his first ‘date’ with andrew and how they went to the beach and that changes to the beach 
    * he likes that now he’ll have another good memory for the beach. it also almost feels like his mom is there the entire time
  * they do manage to stay apart for the morning after getting to the hotel everyone is staying at 
    * neither wanted to go without the other for the entire night (neil because of nightmares and worries, andrew because he was afraid neil might literally die if left alone) 


  * when they see each other in their suits?
    * neil thinks andrew looks really good in white and it’s a nice change of pace from the black andrew usually wears and he stops to look him over head to toe because……damn he looks good
    * andrew doesn’t stop until he reaches neil and looks him right in the eye and raises the percentage
      * look, this hasnt happened in a while. it hit 1000% about two years ago and hasn’t gone up since then, but andrew looks neil right in the eye and holds out an arm (he sure as hell isn’t taking neil’s arm) and mumbles “1010%, abram.”
  * the rings are simple. nothing goes wrong. just titanium bands they can slide on and off when they need to and dont attract too much attention 
  * nicky literally cries when they kiss
    * it’s because neil mumbled “yes or no” even though he knew he didn’t need to and andrew grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him in 
    * dan wont admit it but matt saw her crying too (he teared up a little) 
  * they have a reception only because the foxes like to party and its just in the suite allison got upstairs at the hotel 
  * matt stands on the bed to give a speech and it’s one of the cheesiest things matt has ever done
    * matt actually cries in the middle of it
    * andrew rolls his eyes at it (which means he enjoys it) 
    * neil may be a little tipsy and he hugs matt after it 
      * andrew makes neil drink water between every glass of champagne for the rest of the night
  * wymack gives a speech too 
    * andrew- jokingly, but it sounds like he’s being serious- calls him dad after it 
    * wymack actually tears up just a tiny bit
    * kevin tells andrew to back off his father and andrew’s only reply is “back off my husband, then. he doesn’t need to practice every single day. i heard you trying to get him to the local court earlier.” 
    * kevin shuts up and andrew counts it as a victory
  * they don’t have a first dance
    * there’s no dancing in general, really
    * plus, andrew minyard doesnt dance. he just doesnt. 
  * andrew eats 4 pieces of cake
    * neil’s, and 3 of his own
    * kevin is thoroughly disgusted
  * neil doesn’t think they’ll do the cake-smush thing nicky and erik did, but andrew rakes his finger through frosting and wipes it on neil’s lips and kisses it off
    * he also rubs frosting on neil’s nose, forehead, and cheek, but he doesn’t lick that off
    * he doesn’t object or smack neil’s hand away when neil smears some on his cheek 
    * both of them leave the frosting there until they leave the room
  * speaking of leaving the room……
  * andrew found out neil decided on the beach wedding from nicky, and then later that day found out from neil
  * he knew the date already and rented them a beach house………for the entire weekend
  * when they leave the room, nicky yells after them to practice safe sex even after marriage (followed by audible protests of the general nature of that comment from aaron and kevin) 
  * neil thinks they’ll just head home, but he gets a bit of a shock when andrew grabs his hand and keeps walking past the car
    * “stop looking so shocked, abram.” 
    * “where are we going?” 
    * andrew doesn’t say anything until they get to the house
    * “surprise.” 
    * “a beach house?” 
    * “as always, you are observant.” 
    * “ha-ha.” 
  * they go inside and neil closes the door behind him and looks around
    * andrew stays by the door as neil walks around the room and looks out the window 
    * neil is just looking out the window, watching the waves crashing on the beach not too far away, when andrew comes up behind him and pushes his hand into his hair
    * neil turns to look at him and smiles
    * andrew kisses neil’s cheek and then his mouth
  * that kiss turns into neil dropping the curtain and them heading for the bedroom
    * turns out andrew’s already unpacked what they’d need and closed the curtains on the french doors leading out onto the sand
    * all they have to do is get onto the bed and they dont have to leave until morning if they dont want to
  * andrew peels neil’s suit off piece by piece and drops them on the floor by the bed 
  * he undresses himself and neil watches
    * he’ll never admit it, but andrew likes the way neil looks at him when he does that
    * “staring,” he says
    * “would you rather i don’t?” 
    * “you don’t want to know the answer to that.” 
  * neil is laying on the bed and andrew is over him when neil first feels it
    * andrew is running his fingers over neil’s scars, like he does sometimes when they’re doing this, and he flattens his palm on neil’s chest 
    * the metal of andrew’s ring brushes against neil’s chest and his breathing changes
    * andrew and neil are tied together now, in a way that neither of them would be otherwise
    * neither of them has to be alone now
    * ever
    * he wants andrew to know that too
    * he presses his hand against the joint of andrew’s shoulder and meets his eyes 
    * andrew just kisses him and neil knows he knows
  * the sex isn’t really any different… 
    * andrew breathes “abram” into neil’s shoulder as he comes
    * neil is particularly vocal this time, but it’s more because they haven’t really done anything for a week or so due to practices
  * after, though…. andrew and neil aren’t really “cuddlers” per se, but andrew does let neil rest his head on his shoulder and he does keep an arm wrapped around neil when they finish
    * “are you really smoking in here? in bed?”
    * “there’s an ash tray. it’s not like it’s our house, either.” 
    * “no, but it’ll smell like cigarettes.”
    * “and when did you start caring about the stench of cigarettes lingering around?” 
  * neil finds it really nice, and he tells andrew as much
    * the entire day was nice. the wedding didn’t get messed up. no one ruined the reception (he wasn’t expecting it, but lbr this is neil and andrew’s wedding. he was just a little bit) 
    * he reaches up and laced his fingers with the ones on his shoulder as he says it
    * “shut up, fucker. we don’t do sappy.” 
    * “andrew, we just got married.” 
    * “i said shut up.” 
    * neil shuts up, but he smiles and kisses andrew’s shoulder when he does
    * they end up just laying there for a good half hour, andrew chain smoking, neil very lightly toying with andrew’s fingers, both listening to the sound of the water outside 
    * then they get back to business 




	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + highlights of transfer year in germany

  * [their meeting](http://neilsexy.tumblr.com/post/147250358068/can-you-write-nickyerik-their-first-kiss-or)
    * the entire day following nicky’s arrival in germany, really
  * on the second day nicky is there, erik shows him around the town
    * nicky shows up early in his eagerness to get out of sc and columbia 
    * so school won’t start for another week or so actually and nicky’s just…..there
    * erik introduces him to the town and gives him a tour 
    * they get to know each other thru this 
    * this is when nicky discovers erik likes fitness and erik isn’t all that into exy but he knows what it is at least
    * he also discovers erik has a major love for nature. and erik knows basically everyone in the town, despite being only 17. 
    * it’s also when erik discovers nicky isnt the best at german, but he knows enough to ask what words are and understand. it’s also when erik finds out nicky is into sports, just not the ones erik is into, and that he kind of likes this reserved but kind kid
    * nicky briefly jokes with erik when they stop at a little cafe thing for lunch that it’s a date
      * “if i knew this was a date, i’d have worn clothes nicer than a t-shirt and shorts.” 
      * erik laughs and winks at nicky across the table “i’ll let you know next time” 
      * nicky blushes! he blushes! 
      * erik doesn’t miss how nicky’s lips move a few minutes later, when nicky thinks he isn’t looking 
      * nicky is whispering his verses to himself because he felt a rush of emotion when erik said that and he didnt want to come off bad already


  * nicky doesnt meet erik’s friends until the day before school begins but they accept him no problem
    * most of them are lgbq but they knows nicky’s a preacher’s son from the south and they’re wary as hell so they dont tell him
    * plus, they don’t really enjoy the whole _coming out_ thing; they told each other and they told their parents if they felt safe, or they just brought home whoever they got serious enough with 
    * two of them are dating when they first meet nicky and nicky doesnt miss the little touches they share and he hates that that stupid camp still makes him think it’s irregular (crying emoji)
  * school starts and nicky has a rough time
    * at his old school, he was popular enough but people who knew about him made fun of him and pushed him around
    * so any too-high voice or accidentally rough touch threatens to make him shut down 
    * he manages to power through it, but he is visibly shaken up after trying to find erik at the end of the day and being bumped into and elbowed a few times
    * erik can tell and he takes care to ask his mama what happened to nicky, but she doesn’t know. only nicky knows the extent of it
    * he asks nicky too, but nicky tells him it’s in the past and smiles and asks if erik wants to join him on a walk
    * erik has to pretend he doesn’t hear nicky crying in the shower that night as he walks by the door 
  * nicky doesn’t know tons of spanish, but he knows enough to hold a conversation and when the family has someone come visit from spain he got to put that to the test
    * erik……really likes hearing nicky speak spanish
    * nicky is a little thrown off by the “th” sound of z and c sometimes but he manages to figure stuff out
    * erik doesn’t know much spanish but the rest of the family does
    * it was weird for erik to be the only one not aware of what’s going on when usually he’s the most perceptive 
    * nicky catches on to that and starts translating when he can for erik, just leaning over and whispering what his parents and the friend were talking about if he can understand 
    * erik loves it and he’s sad when the week ends and nicky won’t be whispering in his ear in mixed german and english anymore
  * one of erik’s friends has a pool and they have pool parties with everyone often!!!
    * erik is nicky’s partner for chicken and they win every single time
    * they are Unstoppable
    * erik also likes to throw nicky into the pool and nicky actually isnt scared when erik picks him up that first time to toss him in
    * he shoves erik in the pool a few times, too, when erik isn’t paying attention
      * when he does, he tells erik he should pay more attention to his back 
      * every single time
      * (nicky was paying too much attention to erik’s back. specifically his ass but hey, the kid’s got a nice one)
  * nicky falls…really hard for erik and it’s pretty obvious
    * erik never notices until after nicky comes out to him, but it’s fucking blatant
    * nicky stares at him. all the time. 
    * and he laughs too hard at erik’s shitty jokes (erik has the dryest humor ever) 
    * but when one of their friends confronts him about it, nicky denies it to hell and back 
    * he tries to not talk to erik and chill himself out after that, but erik catches on
    * erik thinks he said or did something wrong to make nicky mad and he’s a little wallowy and mopey because erik is hard on himself 
    * he lets nicky space himself away but he is reluctant about it
    * it only lasts about a week before nicky cant take it anymore and he goes with erik to a party and [that’s when he comes out to erik ](http://neilsexy.tumblr.com/post/147256303593/can-you-please-please-please-write-nicky-and-eriks)(minus the kiss part for now) 
  * remember how i mentioned the journals coming into play in their meeting, and in their kiss? well? now’s when they do
    * nicky brought all his journals with him for safe keeping
    * he didn’t want his parents finding them and translating them
    * he’s only got 3, so it’s not a big deal, it’s not like he has to lug tons with him
    * the night after he comes out to erik’s family too, he’s sitting watching a movie with erik, and the movie ends but neither is tired enough to go to bed
    * so nicky, very wary of what he’s doing, asks if erik wants to come up to his room so he can show him something
    * he’s slow at getting them out and handing them off to erik, but when he does he starts to explain what they are and how he wants erik to read them because erik knows more about him than anyone now
    * he closes his eyes when erik opens the first book and starts reading
    * he just sits there as erik flips through them, and nicky helps him figure out what certain things are, since his german was beginners at the time and has horrible structure 
    * he winces at erik’s intake of breath when he has to explain what exactly a conversion camp is
    * it’s….very very upsetting and trying for both of them 
  * then, of course, there’s [the nightmare](http://neilsexy.tumblr.com/post/147327118738/i-just-adore-nickyerik-and-you-write-them-so)
  * three months left and nicky is not ready to go home and he’s only fallen even HARDER for erik
    * it only spells trouble for him
    * he’s getting more confident, thanks to erik, and they’ve been spending almost every waking moment together now 
    * he dreams about erik and himself a lot
    * (erik dreams about it too)
    * they flirt a lot too
    * and yet,,,,neither notices its actually flirting
    * it’s insane their friends are practically begging for them to just make out already
  * they finally kiss !!!!!!!!! (linked with the coming out) 
    * their friends find out and literally rejoice and cheer and tell them theyre idiots for waiting so long when nicky’s going back so soon
  * their first date is at that same little cafe thing as before!! 
    * erik makes sure to let nicky know it’s a date beforehand
    * nicky still wears just a t-shirt and jeans and erik finds this adorable
    * they go on a walk afterward and hold hands and it’s just….really cute
    * really cute
    * hmu for more on their first date if u want im sure i could come up w more but im in a hurry rn 
  * then there’s the gay [club thing](http://neilsexy.tumblr.com/post/147431126673/ughh-i-need-more-sexual-tension-between-nicky-and)
  * and then nicky going home :-(




	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andreil + gunshot noise waking neil up

_BANG_  
Neil wakes so violently he sits up. It takes a moment for him to register the sound in his mind, but he’s already moving. He’s got shoes on, and he’s pushing his arms into the sleeves of a jacket.   
His eyes close. He went into action before even considering anything else.   
“The fuck, Josten?”   
Andrew is sitting up now, glaring at Neil in the dark. Well, Neil can’t see his glare, but he’s got it memorized by now and he’s positive Andrew is glaring. He always glares when he wakes up.   
“Gunshot. Are you okay?” Neil is a little out of breath. He blinks at Andrew, trying to get the stickiness from his eyes and get them to adjust to the dark at the same time.   
“There’s not a chunk of metal in my body, so yes.”   
Neil breathes a soft sigh of relief.   
“I’m guessing you are in the same physical state?”   
“No bullets.” 

  
“It wasn’t a gunshot. Our neighborhood is shady, Abram, but not that shady. It was likely just a car backfiring.”   
It’s not like he doesn’t know that. Of course, Neil knows that.   
“It was the sound.”   
“Instinct.”   
“Yes.”   
“Get back over here.”   
Neil puts the jacket back in place and toes his way out of the shoes on his way to the bed. He slips under the covers, Andrew’s hand grazing against his chest as he does. Fingers inch their way under the hem of his shirt and press against his skin.   
“You stopped running a long time ago. Don’t pick it up again now.”   
“I still run.”   
“Shut up.”   
“Just not from you.”   
“Thought I told you to shut up, fucker.”   
“Kiss me.”   
“Fuck you.” Andrew says it against his lips, and Neil smiles a little.   
_BANG_  
Neil jumps again and instinctively pulls Andrew toward his chest to guard him. Andrew shoves him off. 

“Sorry-” 

“Whatever. I’m going to sleep before I go find out whose car it is and blow it up.” Andrew rolls onto his side again. Neil frowns at the ruffled hair on the back of Andrew’s head. “Go the fuck to sleep.”   
He tries, but he can’t sleep. He ends up sliding out of bed and making coffee at 3am, trying to be as quiet as possible. He sits down with a full mug and watches their most recent game on silent as he drinks it. Then he switches to the morning news. Then back to their game.   
He’s watching himself score on the screen when Andrew pads out and drops onto the couch next to him. He hands his mug over without taking his eyes off the screen.   
Andrew hands it back upside down and Neil doesn’t notice until after trying to take a drink from it.   
He frowns down at it. His frown turns to Andrew, who just holds out his hand. Neil hands the mug over again and watches Andrew get up to refill it.  
He’s rewinding the game again to see what he messed up when Andrew comes back, this time with a mug for himself.   
“Stop watching this. It’s just fuel for your obsession.” Andrew sips at his coffee. “It’s disgusting to watch.”   
Neil leans back into the couch cushions and yawns an answer as he lifts his mug. “I need to see what I did wrong so I can fix it.”   
“You’ve been told eight times you did nothing wrong.”   
“I did something wrong.”   
“Day is rubbing off on you.”   
“Jealous?”   
“Fuck you.”   
Neil smiles and chances a glance toward Andrew. Andrew is watching the television, knees to his chest, mug resting on one of his knees.   
The game ends again and they win again. Neil turns in his seat as he flips on the news again for Andrew, and then moves closer. He’s had permission to touch Andrew without asking for years now, but he still hesitates and waits for a slight nod before pressing his lips to Andrew’s temple and beginning to kiss down his jaw.   
Andrew’s skin is warm against Neil’s fingers when they brush against his hand. Their fingers lace together and Andrew squeezes Neil’s hand lightly in warning when his teeth graze the skin of his neck.   
Twenty minutes later, Neil is laying with his head in Andrew’s lap and Andrew has finished both mugs of coffee and been on the receiving end of a blow-job. One of Andrew’s hands is combing through the curls at the crown of Neil’s head as he reads with his book perched on the arm of the couch. Neil yawns again and smirks sleepily when Andrew turns that glare on him for a moment.   
“Happy Sunday,” Neil mumbles, reaching up and brushing his fingers down Andrew’s jaw. His thumb presses against Andrew’s lower lip for a second before his hand is slapped away. “We don’t have to do anything this time, right?”   
“Not unless you made plans with Boyd again.”   
“Matt would have reminded me last night. I think we’re safe.” Neil yawns again, and curses as his mouth closes. “I didn’t sleep after that second time.”   
Andrew doesn’t give him an answer. He just continues combing out Neil’s curls.   
“If I fall asleep here, are you likely to murder me? What are the chances?”   
“You know what I would do.”   
Neil grins. His eyes are closed, but he can feel Andrew’s eyes on him. “Right. Skin me alive.”   
Really, Andrew would just carry him back to the bedroom or wait until Neil woke up again to tell him to “Get the fuck off so I can go piss.” That’s what happened last time.   
“Slowly and horrifically.”   
Neil nods a little and wears at a hole in the couch with his thumb nail. He hears Andrew flip the page four times- he counts- before nodding off.


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what if riko wasn't killed?

  * ichirou didn’t kill riko.
    * instead of killing him when he called neil up to the tower, he stripped riko and tetsuji both of their team. 
    * and he called the police when he was done stripping them of any tie they had to the moriyama line
    * neil had never been as satisfied as when he saw riko and tetsuji pushed into the back of a squad car as the foxes left the stadium. 
  * riko was put on trial, and so was tetsuji
    * tetsuji’s came first, and neil discovered they were both staying in a hotel under surveillance 
    * he felt safe for the rest of his school year
  * summer hit, and tetsuji’s trial went into overtime because no ravens would testify
  * neil was staying in palmetto with aaron, abby, and wymack while nicky visited erik
  * kevin was in georgia for the trial, and andrew went with him 
  * neil almost followed, but he would wait until riko’s trial to head out there. he couldn’t vouch as much for tetsuji’s guilt as he could for riko’s, and while he wanted to do anything that could get him sent away, only kevin knew enough to throw tetsuji under the bus
    * after all, kevin lived there for years. neil was only there for a short time. 
  * neil’s basically alone, now, no one protecting him
    * it’s not the best choice, but he can protect himself
    * andrew and kevin will come back as soon as kevin is done tesitfying
    * he talks to andrew on the phone every morning and every night, since andrew checks in
    * he plays exy with aaron when he can, practicing footwork 
    * (aaron is a ruthless defense against neil, and it only makes neil try harder)
  * so he goes out to exites because he can and he’s neil and has time to kill
    * abby lets him take her car
  * he’s good for a while, but then he gets a call from andrew as he’s looking at racquets
  * all andrew says when neil picks up is “riko is missing.” 


  * neil feels the world fall out from under him
  * “answer me, josten. where are you?” 
    * neil can barely breathe, let alone answer
    * neil hasnt heard andrew yell like this before, but he yells neil’s name into the phone
    * it snaps neil out of it
    * “what?” 
    * “where the fuck are you?” 
    * “exites.” 
    * “why couldn’t you fucking stay at abby’s like i told you?” 
    * “it’s not like i knew that piece of shit would escape!” 
    * “i’m on my way as soon as kevin stops freaking out. go back to abby’s and don’t fucking leave again.” 
    * neil grinds his teeth together and listens as the line goes silent
  * he gets back to abby’s without a scratch, but he’s freaking out now too
    * when he gets inside he goes to the room he was sharing with andrew and just sits down on the edge of the bed, staring at the duffle bag he dragged out of the closet
    * he’s really tempted
  * the door slams open when neil is reaching toward the bag
    * andrew sees what neil is reaching for and snarls as he stalks forward and throws the bag against the wall
    * neil looks up at him in shock
    * “you are not going anywhere, josten.” 
    * neil just continues staring
    * “i don’t care if our agreement is over. you’re not leaving my sight and neither is kevin until he is back in custody.” 
    * neil nods. he can’t argue with andrew when theyre both like this
    * “now get out here and stop looking at me like that.” 
    * andrew leaves the room, and neil follows
  * wymack ends up staying at abby’s too, just in case riko knows where he lives and at kevin and abby’s insistence
  * on the third night of riko’s disappearance, they wake up to find the tires on the maserati slashed
    * andrew takes abby’s car, curses it out, and makes neil and kevin come with him on a search for riko in town
    * it turns up nothing
  * neil checks in with the upperclassmen every day just to be sure they’re okay
  * it’s just….really bad
  * it’s really, really tense
  * kevin and neil are at each other’s throats and kevin and andrew barely even speak 
  * abby is always looking at them like she can do something, but everyone knows she can’t 
  * wymack is just mad. he’s mad that he can’t go do things with his son now like he had before because of riko, who was supposed to be out of the way
  * aaron is pissy as usual but more-so because andrew is always snapping, but they can easily go back to ignoring each other except for their wednesday meetings with bee (that still go on) 
  * andrew is the one keeping an eye on everyone and he’s worn thin and neil can see it. it’s weird, seeing it so visible on andrew’s face, seeing the tension and anger there
    * it throws him back to baltimore, sometimes. andrew looks so detached but furious at the same time and it’s how he looked when neil showed up with slices and burns and bandages galore. 
    * neil wishes he could take some of that tension away in passing moments, but touching andrew will only make it worse
  * it’s the middle of the night and neither of them can sleep so they’re sitting outside.
    * kevin fell asleep a few hours ago, laying in the grass in andrew’s view while neil and andrew sat in silence, andrew chainsmoking 
    * neil is sitting just close enough to feel andrew’s body warmth while not touching him
    * he’s looking up at the sky, at the stars, thinking how nice it would be to be so far away from everything and not have to deal with this drama
    * a hand curls around the back of his neck and pulls him back down to earth
    * neil looks over at andrew to find andrew staring at him
    * “what?” 
    * “yes or no, abram?” 
    * neil nods and meets andrew halfway in a kiss 
    * it’s another time-stopping, world-crumbling kiss that tastes like alcohol and cigarette smoke, that tastes like protection and home, that tastes like andrew and only andrew
    * it stops all too soon
    * andrew drags himself away gradually to put his cigarette in his mouth and look out at kevin again
    * neil is left staring at him now, wondering what the fuck that was and knowing he’ll never get an explanation
    * “staring.” 
    * “what the-”
    * “you haven’t asked since i got back.”
    * neil gets it. andrew needed reassurance that everything was okay between them.
    * “there isn’t time. kevin’s always around.” 
    * “he’s a big boy. he can suffer through it.” 
    * “it’s awk-”
    * “fuck’s sake, josten. either kiss me or don’t, i don’t care, but don’t try to justify it.” 
    * “yes or no?”
    * andrew turns to glare at him and rolls his eye and says yes
    * neil kisses him, putting his hands under him so he won’t touch andrew without permission
    * andrew grabs one of his wrists and places neil’s fingers in his hair 
    * they kiss for a while, but andrew breaks it again and stubs out his cigarette
    * he spares neil one more glance before getting up and kicking kevin’s arm until he wakes up so they can go inside and go to sleep 
  * it takes weeks, but riko is caught eventually 
    * in those weeks, the maserati got keyed, had the tires slashed thrice. abby’s car had the tires slashed 4 times. neil and kevin almost killed each other 5 times, and aaron and andrew missed 3 sessions with bee. 




	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> raven!neil + rape. non-con. nsfw.

  * andrew is intimidating. we all know that
  * neil is most intimidated by him
  * andrew is a lot like riko, only he cares more. what a contradiction
  * so neil is scared of him. 
  * he knows andrew cares, and he knows andrew cares about him. he can tell andrew wants to help him. andrew wants to be his counterpart. 
  * andrew does go everywhere with him, after all. and he protects neil. 
  * neil is okay with it
  * but andrew gets mad at him one day
  * neil said something wrong to him. he did something wrong
    * (neil touched andrew’s arm to get his attention. it was a bad move.) 
  * andrew is glaring at neil, and he’s breathing hard
  * neil does the only thing he can think to do
  * he falls to his knees 
    * if he falls to his knees, he won’t use the knives. 
    * if he falls to his knees, he can fantasize about biting as he gets off in his mouth. 
    * if he falls to his knees, he doesn’t have to do as much work. 
    * if he falls to his knees, it’s just a flick of his tongue and bobbing his head a little. relaxing his gag reflex. 
    * if he falls to his knees, 
    * it makes it easier on him. 
  * andrew isn’t doing anything, though
  * usually by now neil has a hand curled in his hair and he’s being ordered to undo the fly of someone’s pants. 
  * neil looks up at him, waiting for orders
  * andrew isn’t glaring anymore, though. he’s staring blankly down at neil.
  * when he sees neil’s expression, he tenses and neil watches his nostrils flare and something light behind his eyes to turn them golden
  * “i’m going to kill all of them.” 
  * and then andrew is stalking away. 
  * neil isn’t used to being left alone, so he scrambles to his feet and follows andrew from the bedroom out to where kevin is, in the girls’ dorm talking to dan
  * neil watches as kevin is shoved against the wall and andrew hisses in his face
  * “what the fuck did they do to him? answer me, day, before i kill you slowly. what the fuck did they do?” 
  * neil is watching in rapt fascination, as is dan, even though she should be getting renee to get andrew off kevin
  * “they? him?” kevin’s eyes dart around andrew to find neil, and it connects
  * “what do you mean what did they do?” 
  * “he fell to his fucking knees.” 
  * kevin blanches
  * “they dont do that. they cant do that.”
  * “did you not hear me? shall i repeat it? he fell to his knees in front of me.”
  * “but he’s on the perfect court-”
  * neil catches on, and even though he doesnt want dan to know this he figures she knows enough already to have put it together. he glances at her before speaking
  * “it didn’t matter to them. i was three. third best. not first; not second. they wanted me to behave and when they wanted that, he took out the knives. i found a way to make them not tell him, and i took advantage of it.” 
  * neil is looking directly at kevin as he speaks, something the ravens would have seen as defiance. kevin is looking back, looking terrified
  * “it was used as punishment, too.” 
  * “neil-”
  * neil looks down when he catches himself 
  * “i shouldn’t say this, but i did it to myself. they didn’t do it to me.” 
  * andrew turns on him again, lips curled in a snarl 
  * “do not blame yourself. you did what you had to to survive, fucker, so don’t you dare blame yourself. it’s fucking idiotic.” 
  * and off andrew stalks, hands clenched into fists
  * neil watches him go, then turns toward kevin again
  * kevin is still pressed against the wall, and he’s just watching neil
  * dan comes up behind neil and announces herself (the foxes learned to do that when neil can’t see them coming toward him. they say who it is before they touch him.) and rests a hand on his shoulder
  * “why don’t you stay? we could use some more recent raven knowledge in trying to beat them.” 
  * neil nods and smiles slightly at her as she jerks her head toward the couch for him to sit 
  * he stays until kevin leaves, and kevin drops neil off at his dorm, which is empty thanks to matt being at class
  * neil sits on the couch and stares at the blank television until he cant take it anymore and he gets up and gets ready to go on a run
  * he opens the door to find andrew leaning against the wall next to it, looking blank as ever
  * he lifts a hand and beckons neil after him as he starts walking, and neil follows without thinking
  * they go up to the roof 
  * andrew doesnt turn to face neil and neil doesn’t ask him to
  * theres a breeze and it feels good and neil turns his face toward the wind
  * “i meant what i said.” 
  * “i’ve never known you to say something you don’t mean, minyard.” 
  * “it’s not your fault. it’s not mine either. it’s theirs.” 
  * neil’s head snaps back down and he stares at the back of andrew’s head as andrew shakes a cigarette out of the pouch and lights it
  * “it’s their fault for doing this to us, and that’s why they don’t deserve second chances.” 
  * “but we do?” 
  * “only if we don’t waste them.” 
  * neil can only think about all the ravens he had in his mouth and in his body. “they don’t deserve second chances.” 
  * “you should know that as well as i do,” andrew says
  * “i do.”
  * “then don’t defend them. don’t let them win the chance that is rightfully yours.” 
  * neil nods, forgetting andrew can’t see him
  * he doesnt trust himself to speak
  * “go on your run.” 
  * he nods again and turns around to leave. he pauses by the door and spares one last look back at andrew before leaving, slamming the door behind him so andrew knows he’s gone




	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andreil + happy drunk neil

  * neil is a little tipsy
  * he won’t admit it, but he is
  * (example: he went to the bathroom earlier and when he was washing his hands he almost started crying thinking about his family out there when he heard them laughing) 
  * he’s sitting with them, watching them play their usual truth or dare, and he’s laughing with them 
  * they stop eventually and he’s still sitting there, grinning, looking down at his lap
  * andrew’s against his side and actually just casually touching him right now, in front of other people, and neil just flashes back to their earlier conversation
    * andrew started it by tossing a newspaper at him and telling him to pick something 
    * it was a paper for the city andrew’s team is in and a few ads for apartments were circled in blue marker 
    * _“why?”_
    * _“so you don’t complain the entire time we’re there.”_
    * neil looked at him in confusion and chose one anyway, the best sounding one
    * _“this one.”_
    * andrew marked out the others with the same blue marker while neil held the paper, then took it and called the number
    * when he was done, neil frowned and put his textbook to the side
    * _“what was that?”_
    * _“you have next saturday filled now. don’t make plans.”  
_
    * _“next sat- but- that’s when you made that appointment for.”_
    * _“observant.”_
    * it took a while for it to dawn on him and when it did it came with a grin
    * _“you want to live together.”  
_
    * _“we are already.”  
_
    * _“yeah, but you want to continue living together.”  
_
    * _“shut up.”  
_
    * _“would you let us have pets?”  
_
    * _“if they’re as insufferable as you, no.”_
  * anyway, neil is grinning like crazy 
  * he’s just staring down at the glass of water andrew shoved into his hand in the middle of the game and grinning
  * nicky, of course, notices, and being nicky he asks why
  * neil looks up and before andrew can stop him he says “andrew and i are moving in together and he said we could maybe get pets and i’m really excited. i didn’t think i’d get a future. i’m so… happy? i’m happy. i….i have a future.” 
  * by now, andrew is staring at him and neil is looking back, grinning still 
  * everyone is silent for a moment before they hear nicky sniffle 
  * they all were _**not**_ expecting that. not _**at all**_. 
  * “i’m guessing we’ll be in that future?” matt asks really quietly, like he’s not sure. it is andrew neil is with, after all, and andrew kept them away for so long. matt wants to be in neil’s life
  * neil frowns at him and looks around the group “of course you are. all of you. why would you think you wouldn’t be?” 
  * it’s matt’s turn to tear up
  * he starts toward neil and holds out a hand
  * neil takes it without thinking and matt hauls him up into a hug
  * which turns into a group hug
  * andrew and aaron and kevin are off to the side like “…………” 
  * neil hasnt been this happy ever probably 
  * the foxes want to stay in his life
  * and he wants them to stay
  * and when he makes eye contact with andrew through a gap in the bodies he smiles and realizes something
  * as long as he has andrew close by and his foxes in his life, he’ll be happy
  * and he’ll have a future
  * and he’s _allowed_ to have a future now
  * and it feels good. 
  * “ _matt i can’t breathe_ ” 
  * “oh _shit_ sorry neil” 




	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what if riko raped neil? + andrew's reaction. non-con mention.

  * neil came back from christmas break bruised and battered
  * we know this
  * the foxes know this
  * what they dont know, not even andrew, is that neil was torn apart by riko in that haze of time he completely forgot, and it wasn’t all temporary cuts and bruises
  * it’s not anything big when things start with andrew
  * after all, riko never kissed him. 
  * riko never touched him. 
  * riko didn’t do any of the things andrew does
  * the only time it comes up is when he and andrew consent to…. y’know….. (im trying to avoid the word penetration but there isn’t anything else i can think of) 
  * neil is laying on the bed and andrew is kissing his chest and he’s got his fingers covered in lube and he’s touching neil’s thigh 
  * neil whispers “yes. do it.” 
  * and andrew starts to
  * he barely gets one finger in before neil shuts down and goes back
  * _riko is on top of him and he’s pushing inside of neil and is this what it’s supposed to feel like?_
  * _this burning?_
  * _the blood running down between neil’s legs as riko pounds into him and breathes rough against his neck?_
  * _the cuts on his arms, chest, back, tearing open and bleeding too?_  
  * “no- don’t-”
  * andrew’s across the room in seconds with his hands under his arms and he’s not looking at neil
  * it takes a few seconds for neil to calm his breathing down, and as he does he stares at the ceiling
  * but he’s neil “i’m fine” josten, so he tells andrew he’s okay and tells him to come back over 
  * andrew is hesitant and it takes a bit of coaxing, but they get back into the swing of it
  * andrew starts touching him again, and neil pushes up into his hand
  * then that hand slides down again
  * he doesnt even get inside this time.
  * he jsut brushes against neil and neil panics again, his breath coming quicker, his hands curling into the sheets so hard the fitted one comes popping off
  * “no- no don’t- don’t touch-” 
  * andrew is across the room again 
  * neil takes longer to recover this time, and by the time he’s done recovering andrew has his underwear and sweatpants on again
  * andrew opens the window to smoke and cold air comes in and hits neil’s face 
  * he’s suddenly aware of the tears on his cheeks that are still falling
  * andrew is looking out the window as he smokes and neil is still laying on the bed, nude
  * neil’s moves are slow and shaky, but he manages to get his clothes on again before joining andrew by the window
  * “yes or no?” he whispers
  * andrew says yes
  * neil presses his forehead against the back of andrew’s shoulder and tries to regulate his breathing
  * he finally gets up the courage to speak, thinking the entire time _andrew should know this he should know this even if it will kill him he cant do anything about this he needs to know this_
  *  “do you remember how i could only remember half my time at evermore?” 
  * “yes.” 
  * “and riko tortured me.” 
  * neil feels andrew tense up and looks up when andrew stubs the cigarette out against the windowsill and lights another one, despite only being half done with the one he just put out
  * “he-” neil chokes on the words
  * “i didn’t know until now, but he-”
  * “andrew-”
  * “fuck. he- riko- he ra-”
  * neil catches himself against the desk andrew was just sitting on right as he hears something solid hit drywall
  * he looks up to find andrew facing the wall, a spiderwebbed dent in it in front of him
  * andrew punches it again
  * neil starts toward him again, then stops himself halfway to him
  * “andrew-”
  * “if he weren’t dead already, i’d be in the car on my way to kill him.” 
  * “i know.” 
  * andrew stalks over to the dresser and grabs his armbands. he slides them on, then pulls on a shirt and his coat.
  * neil watches in silence, and follows andrew to the door, where andrew puts on his shoes
  * neil frowns and slides his own on and follows andrew all the way to the car, then tells him to stop
  * andrew does, surprisingly
  * he stops with a hand on the hood of the car and the car door open
  * “where are you going?” 
  * “USC.” 
  * “why?” 
  * “frenchie could have stopped him.” 
  * neil sighs and walks over so he’s facing andrew
  * andrew won’t look at him
  * “look at me.”
  * andrew does. he looks him right in the eye
  * “you’re not going to kill jean. you’re not going to kill anyone. you’re going to spar with renee and you’re going to smoke and drink and snap at me for the next few days. it’s in the past. there’s nothing that can be done.” 
  * “there is. i can kill moreau for not helping you.”
  * “he helped me as much as he could without being tortured himself.”
  * andrew’s grip on the car door is white knuckled
  * “i’m going to kill him next time i see him.”
  * “just aim balls at him on the court when we make it to finals. make us win. it’ll piss him off.” 
  * “i’m going to kill him. i’ll bash his head in with a racquet.”
  * “isn’t one death enough?” 
  * “no.” 
  * “riko is dead, andrew. he’s dead and he’s paid for what he did and we made him pay. we ruined him. there’s nothing you can do but move on.” 
  * andrew stares at neil, his mouth twitching like he’s coming up with thousands of remarks to snap back at neil, but all he says is “150%. go get renee before i change my mind.” 
  * neil gives andrew time when he comes back and helps renee bandage her arm and leg up in the bathroom before the others see it




	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another the foxes + finding out about neil's mom

  * neil’s barely socialized with the baby foxes, but he knows their stories
  * one of them was on the run before with their mom, so he considers talking to them
  * when he does, it’s with the other foxes around
  * he’s sitting with them at a post-game celebration and he asks them about it, breaking one of the golden fox rules,
  * but she (let’s name her kay) is willing to talk about it 
  * kay tells neil she ran away from home with her mom and baby brother when she was about 9 and they ran away from her father because he used to turn guns on them every day, and they were on the run for about a year or two because he kept following them 
  * she also tells him that her mother was physically abusive, especially when they were on the run, and kay had to take care of her brother most of that time
  * he listens to her story intently, and when she recounts her mother’s abuse, he nods and says he understands because his mother was the same way
  * kay stops with her cup against he lips and looks at him in confusion 
  * “didn’t she… run with you to save you from that?”
  * “she ran to save me from a fate worse than death.” 
  * “oh. yeah. that makes sense.” 
  * it doesn’t come up again for weeks, and when it does it’s because kay is having nightmares and neil is the only one who understands what it’s like
  * he’s out at eden’s with the old gang but kay is texting him and he’s actually using his phone!!!
  * nicky starts to freak out and he’s like “oh my god neil is using his phone and he’s not texting andrew! unless he’s texting andrew. neil, i know we have unlimited texts, but you don’t need to text him. he’s right next to you.”
  * “i’m not texting andrew.”
  * “i know you love me, neil, but i’m right here. across the table from you.”
  * “i’m texting kay.”
  * “kay? creepy girl? why?”
  * “she’s having nightmares about her dad trying to kill them and her mom hitting her and i’m the only one who can understand exactly how it is.” 
  * “how do you know what it’s like to be abused like that by your mother?” -aaron, pissy because neil doesn’t know what it’s like to be hit by the woman who birthed you
  * “because mom used to hit a lesson into me.” 
  * matt, nicky, and dan audibly gasp
  * aaron freezes as he’s knocking back a shot
  * andrew’s grip on neil’s belt loop tightens, tugging neil closer
  * allison and renee are just looking at neil 
  * “she- she hit you?” kevin chokes out
  * “yeah. the worst time was when i kissed this french-canadian girl.” 
  * “girl?!” - nicky
  * “that’s what you choose to get hung up on?” - neil
  * “i can’t believe she- but she was saving you from your-” - kevin
  * “yeah. that doesn’t mean she didn’t get mad when i messed up and could have gotten us caught, though.” - neil
  * “that’s fucked up.” - allison
  * neil nods in agreement and sighs, going back to texting kay down from her panic
  * everyone’s silent for a few minutes
  * aaron and andrew share a look that only nicky sees, and that’s only because he shared a look with both of them too
  * eventually things get a little too awkward for nicky’s liking and he knocks back another shot and slams the cup down and declares “i need to dance that shock out of my system. who’s with me?” 




	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jerejean + nightmares, first kiss

 

1) jeremy starts comforting jean after nightmares the MOMENT he’s woken up on jean’s third night there by jean getting up and moving around at two am

2) that first kiss??? it’s the cheesiest thing ever because jeremy is clumsy and nervous when he’s not on the court, especially when it comes to jean because he’s had a mini crush on him for years (he played it off as an exy crush, but it wasnt and he realized that when he saw jean come to them bruised and battered and he got angrier than ever and actually snapped at one of his teammates because he was pissed at the ravens for letting this happen) and it happens right before the end of jean’s first year and it only happens because jeremy trips and jean catches him when they’re on one of their walks and they do that “i looked into his eyes and i realized i never wanted to look away.” thing and jeremy straightens himself out and hurriedly says “canikissyou” and jean frowns and asks what he says and jeremy ends up YELLING “can i kiss you” and then jean’s like “what took u so long” and they kiss and its. the most adorable thing and i could have done an entire hc on that maybe i will soon after im caught up on the follower celly


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + nicky's pills (mentioned earlier)

  * he was pretty okay yesterday
  * he felt a little off, a little lost, but he was okay
  * today, though? 
  * today nicky calls in sick to work, and spends the entire day in bed. 
  * he doesn’t eat. he doesn’t watch tv. he doesn’t sleep. 
  * he just lies there. all day. 
  * erik comes home to find him still laying there and sits down next to him and asks what’s wrong, but when nicky opens his mouth a lie comes out
  * “i puked this morning.” 
  * erik feels his forehead and tells nicky he doesn’t feel any hotter than normal, and kisses his nose and goes to make him soup
  * nicky only gets a few bites down
  * he goes to work the next day on two hours of sleep, and flubs his way through the day, mixing up clients and paperwork 
  * when he gets home before erik he jumps in the shower and cries the entire time, trying to be silent just in case erik comes home
  * he doesnt sleep again that night and he cant figure out what is going on with him


  * the foxes are texting him like nothing is wrong but everything is wrong and its making him mad so he stops replying
  * he calls in sick again and stays in bed all day again, holding his pillow and staring at his phone as the texts come in, as he gets calls from andrew and aaron and even neil 
  * when he finally falls asleep he has nightmares and wakes up less than an hour later cursing his parents names for ever sending him to that fucking camp and hurting his cousin and him and everyone around them
  * nicky’s restless after that, and he’s sitting in bed trying to breathe when erik comes in
  * erik’s smile falls when he sees nicky’s in bed still 
  * “nicky-”
  * “don’t nicky me.” 
  * erik is silent as he takes off his coat and shoes and changes into a t-shirt and jeans
  * he sits down next to nicky on the bed and reaches for him, but nicky fights his hands away and slides off the bed and goes to the bathroom and runs a bath 
  * he’s still trying to catch his breath the entire time and he can’t stand to stand right now 
  * he hears erik on the phone, speaking in english, when he shuts off the tap 
  * “he’s called off sick two days this week. and ada told me he messed up a lot yesterday. she said he seemed distracted.” 
  * there’s a pause and nicky sinks into the water, leaning his head back against the back of the tub
  * “he hasn’t been answering your calls? that’s… that’s not nicky.” 
  * the pain in erik’s voice makes nicky angry
  * he sinks down further, his mouth in the water now
  * he watches the ripples cut across the water when he exhales as erik speaks again
  * “what should i do? he… this isn’t nicky. i want nicky back. i want to fix it.” 
  * _fix it_. 
  * nicky sinks so he’s submerged under water 
  * he stays there, holding his breath, eyes open and staring up at the ceiling of the bathroom for a few moments
  * he exhales as he comes up again, but there’s no one speaking now
  * he waits until erik starts music to sink under again, this time with his eyes closed
  * he exhales, but he doesn’t come up
  * he can imagine just letting the water into him and letting go
  * erik raps his knuckles on the door and then enters the bathroom
  * “nicky-” 
  * nicky doesn’t want to come up yet even though his chest is burning
  * he should be happy here. he is happy here. he has erik and they do nice things for each other and love each other and they’re happy together
  * so why is he doing this? why does he want this right now? 
  * his head is starting to swim and it’s not the water in his hair
  * a hand curls under his arm and drags him up out of the water
  * “fuck- fuck me- no-”
  * nicky takes a deep breath and opens his eyes to see erik staring at him, terrified
  * he sucks his lip into his mouth and shrugs his arm out of erik’s grip
  * erik instead pushes wet hair from nicky’s forehead and presses his lips to nicky’s forehead, his free hand against nicky’s neck
  * “you scared me.” 
  * nicky starts to cry now, realizing what could have happened
  * his hands curl in the front of erik’s shirt and soak it through but erik is clinging to nicky too and he’s combing his fingers through his hair and has his lips pressed against his forehead still
  * erik’s repeating “you scared me” over and over against his forehead and nicky feels something warm and wet hit his skin and he stops breathing for a second because erik is crying
  * erik is crying
  * erik doesnt cry
  * his hands tighten on erik’s shirt and he sucks in a shaking breath
  * “i didn’t mean to.” he manages
  * erik quiets down and leans back from nicky to look at him 
  * his thumbs brush under nicky’s eyes and wipe water and tears away and nicky swallows thickly
  * “i didn’t mean to. i just- i wanted it- i-”
  * he’s panicking again because he cant say it out loud he cant he cant if he says it _erik will think theres something wrong with himself and theres not the only one whos broken here is me, nicky_
  * so nicky doesnt say it 
  * but erik knows what he means
  * and he looks so heartbroken that nicky considers just dropping down into the water again and never coming up again
  * “come on. nicky, get out of the water. you’re getting out of the water.” 
  * nicky lets erik help him out of the water and wrap a towel around him and follows him into the bedroom, where erik pushes his hair back again and cradles nicky’s cheek in his hand
  * “i need you to lay down and not get up right now, not until i get back. can you do that for me, nicky? i don’t want anything happening to you. i want to help.” 
  * nicky nods slightly and sits down on the edge of the bed, then lays down and watches erik pick up the phone and start pacing as he types out a message and then lifts it to his ear
  * “hello? are you still open?”
  * “can i make an appointment for tomorrow, in that case?” 
  * “yes, ten will be okay. thank you. i’ll see you then.” 
  * then erik pulls out clothes for nicky and hands them to nicky and tells him to get dressed if he’d like
  * nicky does
  * he follows erik out to the living room now, afraid to be alone 
  * he doesn’t want to die
  * not really
  * he doesn’t know why he did 
  * erik cares for him 
  * when erik sits down on the couch, nicky sits next to him and places his head on erik’s shoulder and closes his eyes when erik curls an arm over his shoulders
  * “i made an appointment for the psychiatrist tomorrow,” erik tells him quietly
  * nicky nods
  * “ten in the morning. do you want me to go with you?”
  * another nod
  * “i’ll go with you. nicky… andrew called.” 
  * nicky closes his eyes
  * “so did aaron. and neil. and matt. even allison called.” 
  * nicky’s lip starts to quiver 
  * his foxes called 
  * “why didn’t you pick up?” 
  * his voice shakes when he answers “i would have snapped at them.”
  * “they were worried.” 
  * “andrew and aaron don’t worry.” 
  * “neil told me andrew was worried. they’re your family.” 
  * “i know.” 
  * “do you know how much they’d miss you?”
  * “don’t do this.” 
  * “okay.” 
  * erik is quiet for a bit before he kisses nicky’s temple 
  * “i love you.”
  * “i love you too.” 
  * “i’m sorry for scaring you.” 
  * “i’m just glad you’re alive.” 
  * nicky hides his face in erik’s arm and presses himself into erik’s side
  * it’s silent for a few minutes before nicky’s phone goes off
  * erik picks it up before nicky can and checks the text
  * “andrew and neil want to skype.” 
  * “i-” nicky pauses, looking at the text from andrew 
  * _answer your god damn skype, klose-hemmick_.
  * he sighs and gets up to grab the computer from across the room 
  * in the morning, they go to the psychiatrist and nicky tries to place words to his feelings and erik tells him what happened
  * the psychiatrist prescribes nicky 100mg of zoloft
  * nicky takes one as soon as they get the bottle, right in the middle of the pharmacy, dry
  * he doesnt want to feel like this anymore
  * the medicine takes a few days to come into full effect, but he has a weekend to adjust now and erik is there to care about him and keep him happy 
  * nicky smiles slightly at erik and takes his hand and kisses him 
  * “thank you.”
  * “don’t say that.” 
  * “thank you.” 
  * erik smiles and squeezes nicky’s hand
  * they end up going home and taking care of each other in a different way and nicky feels better already when they’re done
  * he actually sleeps that night and has nightmares, but the nightmares aren’t as bad this time and he can go to sleep again




	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky hemmick + being the mom friend

  * we all know renee and matt r the usual mom friends,
  * but nicky has his moments
  * after all, he took care of the twins for around 3-4 years before they made it to palmetto 
  * nicky’s stopped fights when renee isnt there
    * the most memorable one is when he stopped kevin from attacking neil for giving andrew a gigantic bag of candy for his birthday 
    * he only got to stop him by yelling “jeremy just texted you” because kevin left his phone on the table 
    * kevin glared at neil and turned around and went to his phone, 
    * and nicky gladly took the brunt of his frustration and winked at neil over kevin’s shoulder and made sure neil and andrew got out of the dorm before telling kevin to “shut up it was an honest mistake it’s not my fault ‘dad’ and ‘jeremy’ look alike” “thE Y’RE NOT EVEN CLOSE” “don’t forget i can make u add to the diva jar” “UG H” (s/o [@delphyc](https://tmblr.co/m4Rv4JbcSK98QkVm_t4mRCQ) , ask one of us if u wanna know what the diva jar is)
  * when the monsters host a movie night, nicky’s the only one who bothers to make sure everything is good and everyone has drinks and food and is comfortable before the movie starts
    * the vixens are there too with their boyfriends and girlfriends and the foxes are all there and it’s really adorable
    * and nicky’s a little lonely so he keeps himself busy by making sure everyone is good
    * “andrew do u want more m&ms” 
    * “marissa are u good on rum & coke? i can top that off for u”
    * “matt, dan, ur hurting my eyes, my poor virgin eyes” _”shut it, nicky. ur eyes are anything but virgin. it was just a kiss, anyway.”_  “having dirty eyes is better than having straight eyes! it burns, oh, it burns.” (one of the lgbp vixens: “true dat!!!!!”)
    * “kevin r u sure u don’t want anything??? more vodka?? got it”


  * nicky takes to carrying around a mini-first aid kit after neil hurts himself by accident for the fifth time around them
    * he’s pretty good with everything but when neil adds dental floss and a needle to it just in case he keeps aaron around
    * he has barbie band aids and joke band aids only and it’s ONLY because it’s so cute to see neil with a hot pink barbie band aid on his face and andrew with a neon purple polka dot band aid on his finger 
  * when he took care of the twins he took to carrying around mini bottles of sunscreen because they both burn easily and he never knew when they’d need it 
    * he also bought aloe vera plants and he still keeps them in the dorm because it gives him something to do
    * he’s caught andrew taking care of them before as well and he had to fight so hard to keep from commenting on it
    * the sunscreen came in handy when they went to cali again for championships and stayed for a day (they deserved it, they won and they wanted to go to the beach and wymack said it was fine as long as they went with the trojans so they’d stay in line) and neil, andrew, aaron, kevin, and one of the baby foxes all forgot sunscreen and started to burn
    * he had to buy a big bottle and when he did he just started refilling the smaller ones (he cant believe he never thought of that before)
  * nicky writes notes on the mirror for his roommates when he gets out of the shower so when it fogs up they get a reminder
    * examples:
    * ‘ur the best!’
    * ‘try ur hardest!’
    * ‘keep smiling! (:’ (aaron gets this one and he makes a point to sarcastically smile at nicky later)
    * ‘u don’t know how to lose’ (this one takes a bit of squeezing, and matt ends up getting it. he cries) 
  * when andrew and neil go to columbia alone together he texts them both every few hours to check in 
    * he also always reminds them “NO DRINKING AND DRIVING I DONT CARE IF YOUVE ONLY HAD A FEW GET A TAXI ANDREW MINYARD”
    * (andrew always gets a taxi if neil’s been drinking too, but if neil hasn’t then he makes neil drive. he’s dumb and drives when nicky’s with them, but that’s because nicky’s drunk and andrew isn’t completely gone. he respects his cousin, but doesn’t show it much) 
  * nicky always gets so excited for everyone its adorable
    * when matt got onto the team he wanted to get on, nicky cheered with him and poured them both celebratory shots (that they downed with interlocked arms)
    * when aaron got into a prestigious med-school on a scholarship he literally sobbed and kept repeating “doctor aaron minyard. helping people. my cousin. my son. i love you” and aaron asked him multiple times if he was drunk 
      * also he hugged nicky back when nicky hugged him so hard he could barely breathe but it was only because nicky picked him up ( ~~it wasn’t)~~
    * when andrew got onto the second best exy team in the US he was outside and he yelled SO LOUD people actually thought andrew was attacking him 
      * nicky was actually hugging him
      * andrew said it was okay (”i made it onto that team. i know you want to hug me. go ahead, but only for thirty seconds and no lifting. any longer than that and i’m stabbing you.”)
    * allison designs her first line and gets a runway show and nicky goes to the show in milan 
      * he almost cries when he sees smatterings of orange and white in there on one of her dresses 
      * he does start crying when allison literally walks out wearing an old GORDON jersey 
        * lbr, wymack gave them to allison and she managed to transform the away one into a dress, but kept the home one normal. (s/o if u understand how painful that is and why)
  * basically nicky’s the biggest mom friend ever i could go on forever 
  * he’s so supportive and protective and caring and he just wants his family to be happy 




	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> matt boyd and nicky hemmick friendship

  * matt & nicky literally only text about 5 things:
    * relationships
    * dorm things
    * exy/practice
    * plans
    * and neil
      * how gorgeous neil is
      * what he did today
      * random snippets of conversations overheard 
      * they sometimes take pictures of neil just…being neil
        * the captions on the pictures are usually things like “my son!!!!” or “I caught him sleeping in the library again.” or “those girls are calling him cute. we’re going to fight them at 8. be ready.” 
  * matt is in communications. nicky is in business. they have overlapping classes and u know what that means?
    * they have cram sessions because they both do all their studying the night before the test 
    * matt supplies the coffee, nicky supplies the notes and rewards (gummi bears, reeses, and saltwater taffy. whenever they get thru a section they get a reward) 
    * they stay up all night and study and go to practice then go to the test in the morning buzzing on coffee and sugar 
    * then they crash after classes are done and get up just in time for afternoon practice


  * cooking together!
    * they most definitely cook meals together sometimes, especially when they’re on vacation at a cabin or a beach house or wherever the foxes chose this time
    * the cooking duos are aaron and andrew, matt and nicky, and dan and renee and they switch out every night 
    * matt and nicky specialize in american food and they make the best damn burgers anyone on the team has ever had (they like the grill) 
  * singing, dancing, it’s matt and nicky, 
    * of course they’re going to sing and dance
    * they watch musicals together too 
    * and try to recreate them 
    * they duet musical songs when washing dishes or smth in the dorm and they’re so loud they can be heard all the way down the hall
      * the football bros hate them. so much. 
      * except for one of them. he comes over and they end up having a musical night 
      * aaron comes back from katelyns like “who tf is dis” 
      * nicky doesnt even look up when he says “we replaced u with someone who actually shares our interests. bye.” (S/O MIA FOR THIS ENTIRE SINGING/DANCING THING)
    * they have entire dances choreographed to random songs (just dance, hot in herre, buy u a drank, i know you want me, bump bump bump, etc.) 
    * sometimes they just sing 2000s ballads to each other (nicky sings no one to matt and cradles his face sometimes and matt pretends to cry (he actually does cry one time)) (they also belt beautiful in the car sometimes when its just them)  
  * THEY GO TO FRAT PARTIES/PARTIES ON CAMPUS (my personal favorite) 
    * look. matt and nicky both love to party, right??? none of the other foxes like to party as much as they do
    * the first one they went to was matt’s last year at palmetto (isnt that neil’s second???) and it was sort of a spur of the moment thing because matt has gone before but nicky hasnt and matt was invited to it and nicky was like “!!!!!!” 
    * after that it became a thing to go to every single one they heard about 
    * they start being Party Bros™
      * they get snapbacks. they wear shorts and tank tops (they have amazing arms from exy lbr and amazing legs. they’re gonna air that to the entire school.). they get those [neon shuttered sunglasses](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2Fsearch%3Fq%3Dneon+shutter+shades%26safe%3Dstrict%26biw%3D1366%26bih%3D673%26tbm%3Disch%26source%3Dlnms%26sa%3DX%26ved%3D0ahUKEwiNnbb594zOAhVLwYMKHRFgAYwQ_AUI_wIoAQ%23imgrc%3DHZNxXZVu01Ur9M%253A&t=YzFiYWNjZDhiMzA1NmYzZjVlZWYwYzc2ZDc5MWZiN2YwNGMwZGIyYyxPMkVRbkRsZA%3D%3D) (nicky’s are the rainbow ones). 
    * they’ve passed out at more than one party before
    * also they’ve drunk made out more than once 
      * “did we make out last night, nicky? i feel like we made out last night.” “maybe. my mouth does taste more straight than i’m used to.” 
    * they’ve been kicked out of at least 3 parties, too
    * they even go after matt graduates when he comes around and has time
    * sometimes as adults they crash campus/frat parties and they start to become known as “ _those old guys who come by like twice a year and make it the best kegger we’ve had this year_ ” 
  * joking about each other’s sexuality ok this is golden
    * nicky makes bi puns ALL THE TIME
      * he literally gets matt a t-shirt that has ‘BI BITCH’ printed on the back 
      * it’s a thing for nicky to say “bye!” and for matt to reply “sexual!” 
      * one time nicky tried to say “matt boyd” as “matt bi-d” and it didnt work and they vowed to never relive that one
      * “MATT THAT DESERVES A BI-FIVE” 
    * matt teases nicky good naturedly about being gay
      * “nicky homo-ck” (nicky cries laughing) 
      * “wow, nicky. that was pretty gay.” to EVERYTHING
      * when he sees nicky and erik skyping he runs into the shot and says “ERIK DID U KNOW UR BOYFRIEND IS GAY” 
      * matt finds rainbow temporary tattoos and puts them on nicky when nicky’s sleeping sometimes until he runs out (he likes when he gets to put one RIGHT IN THE CENTER of nicky’s forehead. he managed to put one on the bridge of nicky’s nose, too) 
  * it’s their idea to do a karaoke night ok 
    * they go to a bar in columbia when eden’s is closed for renovations for about a month or two 
    * and they make sure they go on karaoke night
    * the girls do destiny’s child. 
    * everyone gets smashed
    * nicky and matt duet “a whole new world” 
    * two other girls from palmetto go up there after matt and nicky and do THE SAME SONG and matt and nicky see them looking at them and get mad and challenge them to a sing off
      * it’s just a disney sing off. that’s it
      * they sing i wont say im in love (matt is the muses in it)
      * and circle of life (the entire bar cackles when matt lifts nicky) 
      * they win out of sheer drunken humor 
      * dan records the entire thing as she laughs and it’s shaky but the foxes watch it in the locker room a few days later  (anoTHER EXTRA S/O TO MIA)
  * PLATONIC CUDDLING 
    * it started when they fell asleep watching legally blonde one time and woke up when aaron slammed the dorm door and discovered nicky had his head on matt’s shoulder and matt had his arm curled around nicky and it was really kind of comfortable?? and not weird at all???
    * it just becomes a thing. when they watch a movie, they lay on each other or lean against each other
    * when aaron witnesses it for the first time he frowns at them and says “you both love someone else, though.” and they look at each other and then back at aaron and shrug
    * sometimes after skyping erik for a long time nicky likes to go see if matt is there and he lays on him because he misses erik and wants contact
    * “nicky are u trying to steal matt from me?” “no, i just missed erik and matt’s built like him. plus he smells good.” “aw dude thanks!!!!” “it’s just the truth.” 
  * THIS GOT RLLY LONG BUT BASICALLY
  * TL;DR MATT AND NICKY ARE THE BEST TOGETHER AND THEY TOTALLY BECOME BROS 
  * IF U WANT MORE BROTP MATT/NICKY HMU I LOVE THEM




	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more matt boyd and nicky hemmick friendship

  * matt and nicky go grocery shopping together whenever they can 
    * it’s mostly so they can ride the cart down the aisles. 
    * bonus old meme: matt asks if nicky wants doritos, nicky rides the cart up to him while yelling “I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR DORITOS” 
    * vegetables? what r vegetables? 
  * they’ve both gone to concerts together before just because they could
  * matt comes to visit erik in germany sometimes, with or without dan
  * to expand on that: matt and erik get along GREAT 
    * (s/o [@delphyc](https://tmblr.co/m4Rv4JbcSK98QkVm_t4mRCQ)) 
    * they end up being gym bros lbr 
    * and they both love adrenaline rushes 
    * so whenever dan and matt come to visit it’s this big ordeal and they all go travel places right??? 
    * matt and erik climb mountains. bungee jump. zipline. climb cliffs 
    * one time, they even decided it was the perfect place to dive from 
    * so dan and nicky were just left there when matt and erik literally ran and dove off the cliff, like the idiots they are 
    * when they did, dan and nicky both yelled “THATS IT WE’RE GETTING A DIVORCE” at the same time 
  * matt goes to clubs with nicky when erik can’t and it’s beautiful 
    * one time they went and 20 guys hit on matt and nicky had to fend them off a drunk and bisexual matthew boyd to save matt from becoming a corpse when he went home to dan
  * nicky and matt have coffee dates too lbr 
    * they go to the library and get coffee then go tan in the grass and drink coffee or smoothies
    * sometimes they split a giant cookie or something
  * nicky’s arms are freckled and the first time matt notices he yells “FRECKLES” and it becomes his goal to poke every single one on nicky’s arm
  * also, i know i mentioned this earlier, but i feel like it deserves some elaboration….
  * whenever matt walks in on nicky and erik skyping he runs into the shot and yells “ERIK DID U KNOW UR BOYFRIEND IS GAY” 
    * nicky: “SHUT THE FUCK UP MATT” 
    * erik: “nicky? really? is he telling the truth? are you gay? why didn’t u ever tell me?” 
    * matt: “YEAH WHY DIDNT U EVER TELL HIM NICKY????” 
    * nicky: “i hAT E YOU BOTH”
    * erik: “that means he loves us, matt.” 
    * matt: “aw we love u too nicky!” 
    * nicky: “i’m serious. i hate u.” 
    * matt, squishing nicky’s face with one hand, leaning over nicky’s shoulder: “he’s so adorable, isn’t he, erik?” 
    * erik: “very.”
    * by now nicky’s frowning but blushing and matt’s grinning and he kisses nicky’s forehead and shoves his head 
    * erik: “no kissing, matt.” 
    * matt: “sorry, erik. he’s just so kissable. and gay.” 
    * erik: “only i can kiss him.” 
    * nicky: “well-”
    * and that’s how erik started to be a little jealous of matt, even tho he loved him still
  * look. matt and nicky are the purest bros to ever bro (aside from matt and neil. nothing can beat matt and neil. but matt and nicky are a close second.)




	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> matt and nicky + party story

  * a story:
  * matt and nicky went to a frat party.
  * they played beer pong and KILLED these frat guys because matt and nicky are the BEST at beer pong (the only people they’ve lost to are dan and allison and the twins, but that’s only if they’re in those duos, which isn’t often for the twins. not even kevin can beat them. it’s his biggest goal now.)
  * and then they did like 2 beer bongs each
  * and kegstands
  * and played flip cup
  * and never have i ever with a bunch of sorority girls
  * nicky took some cracker dust
  * basically they got really messed up. _really messed up._
  * and now they’ve managed to stumble into the elevator in fox tower, laughing and leaning on each other
  * “mmmmmatt” 
  * “what na-na-na-nicky” 
  * “i love u, bro” 
  * “i love u too, dude.” 
  * cue drunken giggling as the elevator stops and the doors slide open
  * they both stumble out, gripping each other’s arms for balance, which doesn’t work because they’re both swaying a little
  * they go crashing to the floor and start laughing again
  * somehow they get to their feet again and stumble down to their door
  * it’s like 4 am, okay? and they’re still drunk
  * they start banging on their dorm door, nicky spamming aaron with
  * _cOME  OEPN TGE D OONR  MMY SON_
  * because guess whaT??????
  * they lost their keys at the frat house
  * nicky starts telling matt “sshhhh if we wake andrew he’ll murder us”
  * matt, the big puppy, gets all scared and nods and takes out his phone to start texting aaron too
  * eventually standing gets to be too much and they both sit down, matt against the door, nicky against his side, pounding head on his shoulder
  * “matt i think i’m ‘onna be sick” 
  * “no ur not” 
  * “ur right i’m not”
  * nicky says it as he passes out on matt’s shoulder
  * matt passes out not long later, having texted aaron too many times to count
  * when they wake up it’s because matt’s leg was kicked and he jerked awake
  * neil is looking down at them, amused
  * nicky winces away from the light and groans, burying his face deeper in matt’s neck
  * matt has his arms around nicky and is grimacing and groaning against his hair
  * “neil?” 
  * “what are you doing out here?” 
  * “something…. keys? our keys?” 
  * “aaron’s at katelyn’s. he left last night after you guys. are you okay?”
  * “hungover.”
  * “need inside.” 
  * “i’ll be right back, then. stay there.” 
  * “like we could move anyway.” 
  * nicky sits a good two agonizing minutes with matt’s sweat sticky and stinky arms around him and his face buried in his equally sticky and stinky neck to avoid the light
  * his stomach is rolling over in the grave he dug his liver last night
  * neil comes back with two long, thing, silver things and leans over both of them to pick the lock
  * matt and nicky are both too hungover to be able to appreciate the fact that neil’s crotch is literally right there
  * while neil is distracted nicky takes matt’s phone and takes a picture of the view (don’t worry. matt will delete it later, after they admire it.)
  * the door opens and they both fall into the room, since they’d been leaning against the door
  * nicky has never moved so fast in his life
  * “thank you neil” he hears from matt as he heads to the bathroom to vomit all his internal organs up
  * they buy neil a bunch of fruit later that day, after sleeping off the worst hangover ever, just to thank him for letting them into their room before they puked all over the hall or died from choking on their own vomit
  * they both begged aaron to never let them leave without extra keys again. it happened next time. aaron pins a key to the door, next to the hinges, next time they go to a party and he leaves




	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby foxes + original 9 exclusion

  * the baby foxes are always just a little out of the loop
  * it’s like they don’t know something,
  * a constant feeling of misunderstanding,
  * the feeling of being told a “you had to be there” story
  * naturally, these kids, who all have been excluded their entire lives, treated horribly, who need this team, get angry
  * they’re accepted by the upperclassmen, of course, because that’s what the upperclassmen do, that’s how they are
  * but the baby foxes are always out of it
  * part of why they’re excluded is jack, who is highly and outspokenly homophobic, and they can’t change that
  * (this upsets jamie and he doesn’t want a thing to do with jack for months after he gets to palmetto in neil’s third year, but that changes) (also: WELCOME BACK JAMIE KING) 
  * anyway, the baby foxes are excluded and it’s upsetting
  * they’re left alone a lot, with the og9 going to columbia and on vacations and stuff together
  * it’s like being the new kid at a small school
  * they start to gradually form bonds, and eventually they do everything together
  * they study together when they need to
  * they go to parties, sometimes
  * they band together (but also against each other) 
  * jack ends up being the leader of them, and it starts when they’re being made fun of by some ravens fans and the others arent around
    * _“why are you going to palmetto if you hate us? sorry daddy couldn’t pay enough to get you into that prestigious, abusive school in georgia, where you’d get the same exact education as you would here, with less experience. fuck off and stop bothering us.”_
  * really, jack only got to be their ‘leader’ because of how he takes control and speaks his mind
  * the group is together most of the year, and they keep in touch over the summer
  * then they get to palmetto for their sophomore year, and there are new foxes. 
  * they look so lost and confused. 
  * the sophomores can understand and they take them under their wing and explain things to them
    * the upperclassmen have their things, and we have ours 
    * it’s up to u if u want to join us or not but just know it gets lonely without people around u when u came here to play and get another chance 
  * the only one to not join the babies in their entire time at palmetto is robin.




	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neil josten + nose piercing

  * neil’s wanted to get his nose pierced for years now
  * to be specific, since he was 14
  * he almost got it done, but then his mom said it was too unusual
  * “ _boys don’t get their noses pierced unless they are drawing attention to their face._ ” 
  * the unspoken “ _and you have your father’s face. don’t draw attention to i_ t.” didn’t go past him at all
  * so he just never got it done
  * at least, not until he was sitting around with the foxes on movie night and he saw someone in the movie with a nose piercing
  * and he off-handedly said “i’ve wanted my nose pierced for a while. maybe i should get it.” 
  * andrew looked half asleep and neil could have sworn he spoke quiet enough for no one else to hear 
  * but in the morning he was woken up by allison demanding neil come out dressed and ready to go 
  * (and andrew snapping at him to get the fuck up before she forced her way past kevin and found them half naked in bed together) 
  * so he does and he gets out to her and she takes his arm and leads him down to her car


  * he gets in the passenger seat and listens to the rap she likes as she drives him somewhere
  * he’s kind of used to it by now. allison has taken him many a place for shopping, just for company who doesn’t expect her to talk and will tell her the truth if she asks
  * she stops at a small tattoo shop and neil is like ??? but he follows her in anyway
  * “i made an appointment yesterday. josten.” 
  * neil looks at her in confusion, frowning and meeting her eyes
  * “allison-” 
  * “shut up. i heard you last night and let’s face it, josten, you’d look amazing with a nose ring. exy’s over for the season so you can heal up over summer and take it out during games. just be careful while it’s healing. tell that monster of yours not to direct balls at your face unless he wants you bleeding everywhere with a new hole in your nose.” 
  * neil is apprehensive for a few seconds before he smiles 
  * he fills out the necessary paperwork and follows allison and the woman back to where there is an assortment of studs for him to choose from
  * he just chooses a simple silver disk, though he considers a black ball for a few seconds. maybe he’ll get that one later
  * he sits down when he’s told to, and listens to the small talk allison and the piercer make while the side of his nose is being wiped down with antibacterial wipes and alcohol and he’s handed a mirror 
  * there’s a small black dot on his nose from the marker 
  * “yeah. that looks good,” from allison and a nod from neil 
  * “ready? five, four, three, two-”
  * neil doesn’t wince at the pain 
  * his eyes stick to the spot he chose to look at where there’s a small crack where the wall meets the ceiling 
  * it feels weird at first, especially when the jewelry slides into place in his nose and twists a little 
  *  they clean up a bit of blood around his nose and talk about care, and then they leave after paying
  * “how’s it feel?” 
  * “like there’s metal in my nose.” 
  * neil smiles when aliison does and asks if he can roll the window down 
  * “i just paid for you to get your teen dream filled, and you want to mess up my hair?” 
  * neil doesn’t reply
  * “yeah. go ahead. it won’t mess it up, anyway.” 
  * neil rolls down the window and leans his elbow on the door and his head on his hand until they stop at a mall and he shops with allison for a few hours 
  * they go out for chinese 
  * then they go back to palmetto laden with bags and neil honestly forgot about his piercing until he ran into dan and she did a double take 
  * “i would have pegged you for an eyebrow piercing.” 
  * “eyebrow? that’s too much for him. too noticeable.” 
  * “have you met neil?” 
  * “i’m going to go check in with andrew.” 
  * “don’t get too comfy. you promised we’d study tonight.” 
  * neil nods back at dan and heads over to their dorm, carrying the bag of clothes allison forced into his hands 
  * he drops it on the floor next to the closed bedroom door and falls onto the couch next to andrew
  * andrew glances at him and goes back to his book 
  * neil smiles and leans his head against the back of the couch 
  * “that shine on the side of your nose is irritating.” 
  * “i think it looks fine.” 
  * “your sense of fine is screwed.” 
  * when neil comes back from studying with dan he finds the spray he was told to use to clean his piercing sitting outside, and when he goes in he finds more on the counter in the bathroom 
  * (his boyfriend is a nerd) 
  * he goes to class the next day and comes back to find andrew isn’t there, even though their schedules lined up 
  * he decides to wait, but andrew doesn’t come back in the hour or two between classes 
  * even the maserati is gone 
  * it’s after neil’s tutoring session that he sees andrew 
  * the first thing he notices is the black disc under the edge of andrew’s lower lip 
  * “it looks nice. a little out of place amongst all that spite surrounding it, but nice.” 
  * “i’m not supposed to kiss while it heals.” 
  * “since when do you follow the rules?” 
  * “yes or no?” 




	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kevin day + finding out about nicky's list

  * kevin is hammered. he’s got a high tolerance, but not this high
  * he’s gone thru a bottle and a half of vodka with only two glasses of water between 
  * and everyone else is only about half as drunk, which is to say
  * everyone is pretty drunk
  * aaron isn’t there, so that’s how kevin drank so much
  * andrew’s taken neil since the room is free and they havent been drinking as much
  * matt and dan are talking, kevin is half-listening as nicky babbles, allison and renee are discussing something intensely
  * nicky sighs suddenly after checking his phone, the flops back on the couch 
  * “i miss erik. he won’t reply to me” 
  * “maybe it’s because you’re drunk.” 
  * “he likes drunk nicky. drunk nicky is good in bed. all nicky hemmicks are good in bed.” 
  * nicky winks at kevin (really, it’s more of an exaggerated blink. they are _very_ drunk.)
  * “if you’re trying to get into my pants, it’s not happening, hemmick.”
  * “please. i was not trying to fuck you, kevin day.” he pauses, looking kevin over 
  * “number three, though. i could do it if you wanted to.” 
  * “number three?” 


  * nicky grins and kevin instantly regrets his intrigue 
  * “erik and i have a list. people we can do the nasty with if we get the chance. you’re my number three.” 
  * kevin considers for a moment, looking at nicky like he has the plague or something, 
  * then initiates truth or dare 
  * “TRUTH OR DARE, nicky?”
  * “truth.” 
  * everyone’s silent, looking over after kevin’s slurred yell
  * “who else is on your list?” 
  * “list?” -allison
  * “he and erik have lists of people they can fuck if they get the chance.” -matt
  * “i’ll just tell you the full list. in order.” 
  * so he does
  * nicky’s list: 
    * orlando bloom 
    * jude law
    * kevin day
    * adam levine 
    * jeremy knox
  * at the last name kevin frowns
  * no one misses it
  * “aw, kevin’s jealous,” says dan,
  * and kevin adamantly denies it
  * “truth or dare, kevin,” nicky says, and kevin knows what’s coming even as he says truth 
  * “who’s on your list? if you weren’t with thea and she would let you, who would you do?”
  * kevin has to take another drink of the bottle in his hand before he replies
  * kevin’s list:
    * thea muldani
    * jeremy knox
  * he says jeremy’s name sheepishly 
  * everyone bursts into laughter 
  * “and why is he on the list?” 
  * “i may be drunk, but i am not telling you my secrets.” 
    * he just doesn’t want to admit out loud the fact he thinks jeremy is hot as hell and a good player and sometimes he’s actually turned on by watching jeremy play 
  * “why not?”
  * “because.” 
  * nicky rolls his eyes and pouts 
  * “my list is pretty nice,” matt admits after a few moments
  * dan glares at him 
  * “not that i’d ever act on it, babe! i’m sure you have one too, anyway…”
  * dan sighs and concedes that she does 
  * “i’ll tell you my list if you tell me yours.”
  * “it’s a deal.”
  * matt’s list: 
    * nicky hemmick 
    * neil josten
    * laila ali
    * angelina jolie 
    * alex rodriguez
  * when nicky hears his name as number one he blushes and laughs his way through the rest of the list
  * “you’re never getting to neil,” he muses after matt finishes
  * “the monster would never let you,” allison tells matt
  * “i can still hold out hope.” 
  * “matt, you’re so going on my list!!!!” -nicky, after a moment’s consideration
  * “who am i replacing? you only get five.” 
  * “um… adam? no. jeremy. no… jude? no, i like his accent too much.” 
  * “you’re never getting me, so he can replace me.” kevin tells them this reluctantly 
  * he’s actually honored to be on nicky’s list
  * “you did turn out to be kind of an asshole, but you’re hot, kevin. i’m not taking you off the list.” 
  * kevin hates that he feels a little flattered by nicky’s statement
  * “replace levine. he’s not that hot, anyway,” allison suggests
  * dan is frowning 
  * “dan, what’s the matter?” 
  * “half matt’s list was guys.”
  * nicky tries so hard to keep from laughing as he says “honey, he’s bisexual and hasn’t been with a man yet” 
  * “yeah but-”
  * “and he’s disgustingly in love with you. look at his face right now.” 
  * she looks up at matt and sees him looking at her, a little sad, but he smiles when they meet eyes 
  * she cant help but smile back and roll her eyes 
  * “i guess i approve of your list. it’s not like they’ll be any better than i am, anyway.” 
  * “hey!” 
  * “please, nicky, if you two had sex it would ruin your bromance.” 
  * “i beg to differ. matt would totally fall in love with me if we had sex.” 
  * “dude, i’m already in love with you.” 
  * “see!” 
  * “are you saying you’ve had sex?” 
  * “fuck no!” 
  * “why do you sound so disgusted?!” 
  * “not by you! you just- you weren’t on the list! we can now, if you want!” 
  * “let’s go!”
  * nicky pulls out his phone as he says “i just need to tell erik and make sure it’s approved!!!!”
  * dan is watching the entire conversation in horror
  * this was not what she meant to have happen
  * she did not mean to set her boyfriend up 
  * “no one is having sex with anyone tonight!” 
  * “but _da-a-an_ -” 
  * “shut up, matt! if you get to have sex with nicky, i get to have sex with allison.” 
  * “i’m on your list?” 
  * “duh. so is renee, but i can tell she doesn’t want to get involved with this.” 
  * “you are right.” 
  * dan grins at renee and then turns back to allison
  * “what do you say? if they get to, we get to.” 
  * allison looks at dan for a few moments, then shrugs “sure, why not?” 
  * “hey, hey, hey. no one’s having sex with anyone tonight. you said so yourself, dan.” 
  * “oh, so _now_ you’re opposed?” 
  * “i’m just doing as you say, captain.”
  * it’s an awkward silence for a few moments before allison points a manicured finger at dan 
  * “truth or dare?” 
  * “dare.” 
  * “write down your list and show it to all of us.”
  * “nice roundabout.” 
  * dan’s list: 
    * allison reynolds
    * david beckham
    * johnny depp
    * orlando bloom
    * renee walker 
  * “beckham? he’s on erik’s list.”
  * “why do you guys have a thing for athletes who aren’t in exy? you’re exy players.”
  * “no all of us are as obsessed as you, day.” 
  * “but you’re exy players. you’d have something to talk about afterward. you don’t even like soccer, wilds!” 
  * “yes i do!” 
  * “you’ve said it’s the worst!” 
  * “because i played it as well as exy!” 
  * kevin is horrified
  * “you split your time between the two?” 
  * and so ensues an intense debate about splitting time between exy and other things and more of kevin’s horrified face
  * (the others all do a shot when kevin gets up and storms out and slams the door behind him
  * and another when they hear the other dorm door slam twice, obviously kevin slamming it closed and then leaving because of neil and andrew.) 



_bonus:_

_nicky’s texts:_

_**n:** hey, matt just told me i’m on his List. can i change adam levine to matt boyd?_

_**e:** no, sorry_


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neil josten + lip piercing

  * like the prompt says: 
  * andrew is obsessed with neil’s lips
    * the shape of them
    * how soft they are
    * how neil presses against them sometimes when he smiles
    * when neil smooths his thumb against them when he’s studying
    * kissing them
    * the way it feels when they brush against his neck or his collarbone 
  * and neil just got that piercing on his nose and it looks good
  * andrew got his lip pierced but it was only spite. he never wanted it
  * he doesn’t even really like it
  * but neil seems to
  * he takes it out after a few days, mostly because it started to bother him
  * neil misses it and starts to wonder……….


  * so he makes himself an appointment at that same shop and drives down there himself in the maserati
  * and gets his lip pierced
  * but neil, poor neil, chooses a hoop to pierce with
  * at the end of the session when he’s being told about the care for the piercing, he asks about kissing
  * and he’s told he shouldn’t until it’s completely healed
  * “and how long will that take?”
  * “six to eight weeks.”
  * neil tells andrew as much when he gets back 
  * andrew is distracted by the way the piercing moves a little when neil talks
  * neil catches this and smirks and says “but i guess i could kiss you anyway.” 
  * “wait a week. let it heal some.” 
  * that’s as good as an “i want it to stay” so neil says sure and theyw ait
  * when they kiss neil winces and they figure out they really do need to wait that entire time
  * andrew is _d y i n g_ inside
  * the moment neil shows he can replace the piercing without it stinging andrew is on him 
  * they touched each other a lot over the past seven weeks but it wasn’t enough, not with andrew’s fetish for neil’s lips, 
  * and they’re on the roof when neil shows him
  * the second the ring is back in and hooked, andrew stubs out his cigarette and hears neil say “yes”
  * “was it that obvious?”
  * “yes.” 
  * andrew puts a hand on neil’s chest and shoves him back until he’s flat on his back 
  * neil leans up into the kiss and lets andrew grab his hands and put them in his hair
  * andrew marvels at the feeling of the lip ring brushing against his lips
  * he pulls back for a few seconds to look neil over
  * “do you not like it?” 
  * “120%.” 
  * neil smiles and closes his eyes again
  * andrew doesn’t even kiss him this time 
  * he just leans in and bites neil’s lip around the piercing, his fingers curling in neil’s shirt
  * neil’s breath catches and andrew feels a little pang in his chest
  * he hates neil so much
  * neil kisses his lip back and continues kissing andrew, his fingers twisting a bit of andrew’s hair between them 
  * they’re up there for quite a while, between making out and smoking 
  * when they come back neil cleans his piercing again just in case and they sit down to make out. again. 




	79. Chapter 79

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + graduation from palmetto

  * it’s almost graduation
  * nicky and the twins will be leaving palmetto soon
  * nicky’ll be heading back to germany soon after graduation, about two months, just to make sure the twins are settled in their respective places and neil will be okay and gathering things up, tying up loose ends
  * erik is supposed to come out for graduation, though, despite the short amount of time between their reunion and departure
  * it’s been busy at the firm erik works at 
  * nicky has barely gotten to actually talk with erik lately
  * he’s voiced this to him, too, though he knows erik cant do anything about it
  * he actually has only seen erik once since neil’s first year, since the raven match
  * he’s going crazy
  * they’ve skyped, but erik has been so busy they havent done that in a while
  * every time it’s been a good time for one of them to visit the other, it’s been killed by erik’s boss giving him a huge case that takes up all his time
  * nicky’s talking on the phone with erik in the bit of time erik gets free between cases and coffee and more 
  * “ _i miss you, nicky_ ”
  * “i miss you, erik”
  * “ _i have something to tell you and you won’t like it_ ”
  * nicky sighs “what?” 
  * “ _i can’t make it._ ”


  * nicky’s stomach drops and his chest goes hollow
  * “oh. okay.” 
  * “ _i’m sorry, ni-_ ”
  * “it’s okay. it’s fine. your job is important, erik. people need you.”
  * “ _you need me more than they do, nicky._ ” 
  * “i- erik, they need you for a completely different reason. don’t compare the two.” 
  * “ _i’m still trying to get things pushed around so i can do this._ ” 
  * “don’t inconvenience yourself.” 
  *  nicky can feel the lump in his throat forming
  * “i should go. i need to study.” 
  * “ _….okay. good luck. i love you._ ” 
  * “i love you. bye.” 
  * “ _bye._ ”
  * nicky doesn’t study
  * he sets the phone down and wipes at his eyes with his thumbs and then the back of his hands and sighs and lays down
  * tears are sliding down his temples, though
  * the one person he wanted there most won’t be there
  * jamie (let’s say jamie king (welcome back son)) walks in on nicky crying and walks right back out because he knows better than to intrude
  * nicky can’t believe this
  * he starts _sobbing_ , full out sobbing, into his hand 
  * _god_ he feels pathetic. it’s not the end of the world it’s not it’s _not erik cant come to his graduation_
  * _erik can’t come_
  * nicky hasn’t cried this hard in a long time
  * when he surfaces and runs out of tears he wipes his cheeks and his eyes and nose and rummages through things until he’s got a rather large glass of rum and coke and he sits down in their room on the floor by the beds with his drink and his texts and he studies
  * he studies through the night, moving to the living room when aaron and jamie go to bed
    * jamie’s worried look doesn’t go unnoticed
  * he studies through his finals, sleeping too much when he does sleep, stressing over his studies 
  * he’s a little short with erik when they do talk, mostly because he doesn’t know what to say
  * then graduation comes and he doesn’t have the guts to think about it anymore so he distracts himself with matt and dan and allison and renee because they came early
  * researching some pr firm things takes his mind off it, as does refining his resume 
  * nothing can take his mind away from it when he’s sitting with his class, alone, listening to the most boring speech ever, waiting to be handed his diploma so he can just be done with this day
  * nicky’s name is called and he puts on a grin and accepts his diploma and whoops at his team as he walks off stage, getting disapproving looks from the staff, but grins from bee and wymack and abby
  * he cheers for the twins and cries a little, seeing aaron walk on stage grinning, then andrew walk on looking bored
    * neil convinced him to go somehow
    * nicky still refuses to be believe neil can “just ask” and andrew will do something
  * after the ceremony, when they’ve all thrown their caps up in ceremony and all that shit, nicky considers bypassing the team, but he doesn’t
  * he finds aaron and andrew in the crowd and congratulates aaron before he goes off with katelyn and some of the vixens and walks with andrew in silence over to the rest of the team
    * andrew thinks it’s weird that nicky’s been so quiet lately, but he’s a little thankful at the same time
    * hopes he’s okay, though
  * nicky stops in his tracks when they make it to the team
  * and grins 
  * erik is grinning at him
  * he feels that lump in his throat come back but he’s not as afraid of it this time
  * he manages to calmly make his way to erik and hug him
  * “congratulations.” 
  * “you made it.” 
  * nicky’s buried his face in erik’s neck 
  * “i wasn’t going to miss your graduation. i have to leave in a few hours, but i managed to make room. it’s a lot of case studying on a flight, though.” 
  * nicky grins wider and hugs tighter
  * “guess we better make good use of the few hours we have, then.” 
  * erik kisses nicky’s forehead when nicky pulls away from the hug and nicky’s grin becomes face splitting
  * he hugs the rest of the team and wymack and abby and bee and takes pictures and gets allison to take one of him and erik 
    * (it’s one of the cutest pictures ever erik is just looking down at nicky with so much love and nicky is still grinning and holding onto erik and it’s all because allison hit the button before she actually said she took the picture)
  * even andrew and neil get a picture taken together and nicky is the one taking it 
  * afterward they all go out to dinner and wymack uses the p-card to pay because it’s a team dinner, so of course
  * afterward nicky and erik go back to the dorm room and jamie catches the drift and leaves 
  * it’s all heat and fireworks and panting breath and skin against skin for an hour or two
  * until sweaty and exhausted they fall on each other and nicky’s head is on erik’s chest and erik is combing out nicky’s hair 
  * “i didn’t think you’d be coming. i wish you’d have told me.” 
  * “i wanted to surprise you.” 
  * “i don’t like surprises.”
  * “yes you do.”
  * “i do, but not ones like this. do you know how much i cried, erik? a lot. i didn’t think you’d be making it to my graduation, after advocating my move to palmetto so much. it was like… like you didn’t want me.” 
  * “of course i want you, nicky. i want you always. it’s just been… busy.” 
  * “busy. i know. i’m sick of it. if it’s like this when i come home, i’ll go insane.” 
  * “you’ll be busy too.” 
  * “yeah. probably.” 
  * “nicky?” 
  * “what?”
  * “i love you. i didn’t mean to make you cry. i just wanted to do something nice for you, surprise you.” 
  * erik’s arm tightens a little around nicky and nicky inches impossibly closer
  * “i know. just… don’t do it again. please.” 
  * “i won’t. i won’t have a reason to, anyway.” 
  * nicky smiles again
  * “that’s right. i’ll be home in a few months.” 
  * “weeks, not months.” 
  * “weeks?” 
  * “i moved your flight. the twins said it was okay to do. they apparently have things under control.”
  * “have you met them?” 
  * “yes, and they seem very reasonable.”
  * “andrew used to take his medicine with two shots of whiskey!” 
  * “that’s… concerning.” 
  * “yeah! they don’t have things under control!” 
  * “nicky, calm down. lay down.” 
  * nicky didn’t even realize he’d sat up
  * “they have things under control. they just graduated, too. they’re adults and they are in relationships and so are you. and your boyfriend wants you to be home, since he’s taking a well-deserved vacation in a few weeks and wants to spend his days with you.” 
  * nicky’s smile returns slowly 
  * “really?” 
  * “yes. now where the fuck are my underwear? i have to go soon.” 




	80. Chapter 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what if nathan sliced neil's tendons before the hatfords showed up?

  * neil will never play exy again
  * he won’t even be able to run
  * he could have bled out, but he was stitched up just in time, but he will never run again
  * he’ll never play again
  * he’s ruined. 
  * neil is so ashamed. his father got him. nathan sliced his tendons and now neil can never run again, never play again, never experience the thrill of a perfectly executed play, of beating riko moriyama, of ruining him, of everything. the only way the team would learn the truth is kevin, because neil is never going back.
  * ever. 
  * he accepts the WPP offers from the FBI. he becomes someone else, someone new, all over again. 
  * he can’t stand to watch exy for years because it breaks his heart. he tried one time, but he burst into tears. 
  * for the sake of this, let’s say neil becomes a language teacher. he’s also the coach of his school’s exy team, even though he can’t move around to show them. he can show them arms, and position their legs for them, though. 
  * it’s been years. somehow he’s managed to stay alive without running. 


  * he drinks. he smokes. he teaches. he doesn’t sleep, because of the nightmares. he does everything he does because of the nightmares. 
  * if he can help it, he doesn’t leave his small apartment unless he has to teach or go to a game or practice.
  * he’s still in the east, florida this time, and that’s when it happens
  * he sees nicky in the grocery store
  * and nicky sees him
  * neil tries to walk away as fast a he can, but his stupid limp has him moving slow and he hears “neil!” and freezes
  * no one has called him neil in years
  * it’s always “jacob” or “kelley” or “coach” or “mr. kelley” 
  * but hearing “neil josten?” sounds like home
  * he takes a shaky breath and schools his face into something weird, a half frown, half polite smile
  * nicky rounds in front of him and looks down at him and gasps 
  * “oh my god oh my god, neil”
  * “who’s neil? i’ve… i’ve never met a neil. who are you?”
  * “god damn it, neil josten, you fucking asshole.” 
  * the venom in nicky’s voice sends a chill through his body and he averts his eyes
  * “do you know what you fucking did to andrew? fucking-” 
  * “shut up. shut up. it’s not like i fucking wanted to leave!” 
  * he’s blowing it and he knows it but god damn it he didn’t want to fucking leave andrew, or matt, or nicky, or dan, or kevin or anyone
  * he didn’t want to leave any of them
  * “i wanted to fucking stay, but it’s his fucking fault and it’s always going to be his fucking fault and fuck this i just wanted my fucking alcohol and now the crippled guy and the tourist are making a fucking scene and i’m fucking leaving get out of my way” 
  * nicky side steps, and neil- _jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob kelley jacob raymond kelley_ \- makes his way to the counter, but he hears footsteps following him
  * this conversation isn’t over
  * he knows how ruthless nicky can be
  * he buys his alcohol, tells the person his fake birthday, hearing nicky tapping his foot behind him
  * at least nicky has the decency to wait until they’re outside
  * “he almost gave up, you know.
  * “he actually cried. he doesn’t think i know, but i know. he mourned you. another person in his life who went and let him down. turns out you just went to live it up in florida.” 
  * “if you call this-” he lifts the bottle of whisky- “living it up, then you’re fucked up.” 
  * “i’ve never heard you swear this much.”
  * “i’ve got a lot to swear about. you should see me grading papers.” 
  * “gr-grading papers? what the fuck?”
  * “yeah. i’m a teacher. i teach french. and i coach the exy team, but you know what? it’s not like it’s e-fuckin’-nough.” 
  * “neil-”
  * “i’m not neil.” 
  * “you are. you’re neil, and you’re still a fox. you’ve just been skewed away from your team.” 
  * “fuck off.” his voice is thick
  * “we still talk about you. reminisce. we’re all here.” 
  * “fuck off, nicky. i don’t want this.”
  * “even andrew’s here.”
  * neil hates that he feels a rush at that
  * “we miss you.”
  * neil just limps away. he doesn’t do this. he can’t do this. it’s too easy. it’s like he was set up. 
  * there’s a game on friday at the high school
  * neil is still calling himself neil in his mind, even though neil is dead
  * he hates this
  * he wants to beat himself until he’s jacob again
  * he recognizes a loud whoop when his team makes a goal and freezes
  * he knows he shouldn’t, but he turns anyway
  * all the foxes, and a few others, are sitting there, not far from the ring. 
  * matt, dan, nicky, erik, aaron, katelyn, allison, renee, kevin, thea, and
  * and andrew. 
  * he meets andrew’s eyes and feels the entire world stop
  * andrew is working his jaw, and neil can just see his fists clenching and unclenching
  * he can’t turn away
  * he can’t even breathe
  * _THWAP_
  * he jerks around on instinct as a player hits the wall right behind him
  * “get up, johnson! come on! are you fine?!” he bangs once on the wall, looking down at his player
  * the rest of the game his attention is dedicated to the game, but mostly to the eyes on the back of his head, the whispers he thinks he can hear
  * “he’s limping. did he limp before?”
  * “his face… his poor face…”
  * “that cannot be neil. he’s too… rough.” 
  * every time they get too loud in his head, he mumbles “shut up.” under his breath
  * the game ends, neil’s team wins, he hears those distinct cheers again and he’s thrown back to an orange and white court, full, claps on his back as his legs and lungs burn, kisses on his lips and his neck, acrid smoke and the outline of a key in his palm
  * the key in his palm feels so real he almost starts crying
  * he pats his team on the back as they head into the locker room, 
  * and feels himself shaking when someone says “josten.” behind him
  * he tries to ignore it
  * “kelley.” 
  * he has to turn around at that
  * “yes?” 
  * “neil.” matt’s the one standing in front of him
  * neil just looks up at him
  * “god, neil, what happened to you?” 
  * neil turns around again and tries to stalk away, but his leg feels weird. he grimaces and flexes it before walking toward the locker room
  * a hand clamps down on his shoulder and he feels his knee give out and fire fly up his thigh
  * he falls to his knees with a gasp, then rolls onto his side to avoid the pain of staying there
  * “holy- oh my god- neil, i’m so sor-”
  * “shut up and f _uck off!_ ” he shouts, voice shaking as he massages his fingers into his knees
  * people stop as they’re leaving, parents still in the stands are staring down at the scene
  * someone comes running down to the court and asks “kelley? kelley, are you okay? what happened?”
  * “legs gave out. it’s fine. i’ll be okay, just give me a second.” 
  * “the parents heard you shout. are these guys bothering you? should we have them escorted off campus?” 
  * “no. they’ll leave on their own. we’re done speaking, anyway.” 
  * the man helps neil to his feet again and nods 
  * “i’ll be by the door if you need me.” 
  * “thanks.” 
  * neil doesn’t spare the foxes another look as he falls onto the bench and stretches out his legs
  * a hand presses against his knee, then against the back of his ankle, and he feels the gaps give way 
  * when he looks up, he’s looking into hazel eyes full of apathy
  * “he sliced the tendons in your legs.” 
  * “get your fucking hands off me, aaron fucking minyard.” 
  * “that’s why you didn’t come back. he ruined you.” 
  * “shut up.” his voice is shaking again
  * “you can’t run. you can still barely walk.”
  * “i said shut up.” 
  * something hot rolls down his cheek and he swears every word he can, every language he knows, and wipes it off his cheek with his shoulder
  * “neil, we would have kept you either way.”
  * “i was useless. i still am. go the fuck away.”
  * “this is not the neil i know. this is not the neil who got us to death matches.” 
  * “no fucking shit, day.” 
  * “he wouldn’t have given up on us like this.” 
  * neil looks at them
  * “he would have come back.” 
  * “he would have told us the truth.”
  * “or he would have at least told me.” 
  * neil’s gaze moves to andrew again at the sound of his voice
  * renee and kevin are both physically holding andrew’s arms behind his back
  * “but the person before me is a fucking coward. he fucking ran, and running is what makes a coward. not a survivor. not a fox.
  * “you will never be a fox like this.” 
  * andrew yanks himself free and walks off
  * kevin and thea both follow him without a look back
  * dan and matt look neil over, and then follow
  * aaron gets back to his feet and pulls a crying katelyn away
  * it’s only renee, allison, nicky, and erik left
  * nicky his looking at neil with tears in his eyes
  * neil is staring at him as he says “it’s your fault this happened. leave me alone before i have them escort you off campus.” 
  * allison catches this too, and doesn’t wish to cause a scene and leaves
  * nicky only leaves when erik manages to coax him away
  * renee is the only one left, and she’s looking at neil with an unreadable expression
  * the smile she wore through school isn’t even there
  * “he broke after you. even i’m not allowed in. he works at eden’s twilight, if you ever want to contact him. he still lives in the house in columbia. neil… he needs someone like you, even if you have changed.” 
  * and she leaves. 




	81. Chapter 81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what if nathan sliced neil's tendons? continued

  * neil’s fucked if he actually does this
  * if he’s caught rekindling old ties, he’s fucked
  * they’ll take him out of WPP and he’ll have to fend for himself again
  * he’ll be illegal
  * neil josten doesn’t exist anymore. can’t exist. 
  * nathaniel wesninski was killed in baltimore. 
  * he could go for stefan, alex, chris, drake, john, jack, liam, everyone he used to be
  * but they weren’t him. 
  * he thinks about it even as he gets on the plane to south carolina. 
  * he’s an idiot. andrew will kill him. 


  * though, maybe that’s what neil wants. maybe he wants to die. 
  * andrew did like to tell him he had a deathwish. 
  * neil flies into columbia and gets a cab to eden’s twilight
  * it’s closed. of course it’s closed. it’s the middle of the day. 
  * why did he even think he’d be able to walk in there, anyway?
  * he hitches another cab to the house, to the long memorized address. 
  * “big date?” 
  * “no. why do you ask?”
  * “you have that look. you seem terrified.” 
  * “i am.” 
  * “of?”
  * “strange cabbies trying to talk to me.” 
  * “yeesh, kid. chill out.” 
  * “fuck off.” 
  * neil gets out and doesn’t give a tip 
  * he watches the cab go away, and looks at the house in front of him, with its overgrown grass and bad paint and covered windows
  * he traces the key into his palm with his thumb, then closes his eyes and makes his way to the door
  * he thumps his knuckles against it a few times, then tries again a few moments later, then again
  * when it opens, it isn’t andrew who answers. 
  * it’s… roland.
  * he’s in just a sheet.
  * this was all a big mistake. god, what a mistake.
  * “i- uh- sorry. wrong house.” 
  * “it’s okay. bye.” 
  * “bye.” 
  * neil turns around and starts to walk away when the door latches shut, but only makes it one step before he’s rapping his knuckles against it again
  * roland opens it again
  * “i lied. this isn’t the wrong house. i need to talk to andrew.” 
  * “he’s busy.” 
  * “let me fucking talk to andrew, roland. i don’t care if he’s naked or not. don’t make me force my way past you.” 
  * “andrew doesn’t let a stranger into his house. fuck off.” 
  * neil rolls his eyes and punches roland in the gut
  * roland goes down
  * neil shoves the door open and steps over him and heads for andrew’s bedroom
  * “who the fuck was it?” is asked as the bedroom door is opened
  * “fucking me.” 
  * andrew looks up from his spot reclining on the bed, face a mask of boredom
  * “look at what the cat dragged in.” 
  * “i didn’t fucking run.” 
  * “funny. i seem to recall you never coming back.”
  * “because i entered the witness protection program, asshole. i couldn’t come back.” 
  * “you didn’t try.” 
  * “because i’m useless without my legs.” 
  * andrew scoffs. “i guess so.”
  * neil clenches his hands into fists. “i thought about you every day.” 
  * “good to know.” 
  * “when he cut my legs, i realized i could never go back, and i wanted to. i wanted to stay.”
  * andrew is getting up now. he’s shameless, but tugs his underwear on before turning to face neil
  * “then why didn’t you fight.” 
  * neil knows it’s a question, but andrew poses it as a statement.
  * “they would have killed all of you.” 
  * “so you let them kill you.”
  * “better one than many.”
  * “how many times did i tell you to drop the fucking martyr act?”
  * andrew takes a swing at neil and neil lets it land home on his cheekbone
  * he drops when andrew’s fist hits him between the legs
  * andrew kicks him over onto his back, then puts one foot on his chest and leans down over him
  * “and yet you still haven’t.”
  * “i want to come back.” 
  * “too late.”
  * “i want to come back, andrew. i’m sorry.” 
  * “i hate apologies.” 
  * “because you deserve them and never get them. well, i’m giving you one you deserve. i’m sorry, andrew. this is neil, and i’m sorry.” 
  * “neil josten is dead.” 
  * “abram isn’t.” 
  * “fuck you.” 
  * andrew’s heel digs into neil’s sternum and makes it hard to breathe
  * “andrew, i want to come back. let me come back. i can’t run this time.” 
  * “i know you can’t. it’s pathetic.” 
  * neil still hasn’t gotten a “no.”
  * he can just barely see a glimmer of hope 
  * or maybe that’s the white light people claim to see when they’re dying?
  * “i’m the only one who’s come back to you. i’m not like them.”
  * andrew’s heel eases up and neil breathes deep
  * “i won’t be like them again.” 
  * he lifts his hands slowly, hovering them over andrew’s skin
  * andrew stares at him, then whispers 
  * “yes.” 
  * neil gently pushes andrew’s foot off his chest, onto the floor, and slides to a sitting position
  * he holds out his hand, looking up at andrew. 
  * it’s a sign of trust. andrew can leave him there, let him get up on his own and leave, 
  * or he can help him up and accept the apology. let neil stay. let him become abram, stay with him after the school year ends. live in columbia. restart. 
  * fingers wrap around his wrist and he can finally breathe. 




	82. Chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky can't cook.

  * basically the only thing nicky can actually cook is mac & cheese and burgers and fruit or nut pie
    * he used to make pie with his mom and it stuck ok
  * and he can make hot chocolate and coffee really well
  * and mix drinks well
  * but god forbid u try to get him to make anything beyond that
  * he’s fucked up toast before, even
  * erik did most of the cooking when they lived together in germany, but now nicky’s the head of the house and he’s worried
  * he knows the twins never got enough from tilda, so he’s really pressured to put enough on the table for them
  * and he doesnt want it to be mac & cheese and burgers every night
  * of course, he tries to do recipes from a recipe book, but he somehow manages to mess them up even following the instructions
  * when he tries to make chicken and mashed potatoes and beans, he somehow undercooks AND burns the chicken, makes the potatoes too runny with too much butter, and undercooks the beans. 
  * spaghetti and meat sauce? forget it. the spaghetti sticks to the pan and the sauce simmers out and burns when nicky’s trying to get the spaghetti off the pan. not to mention he put w a y too much oregano in the sauce because he thought it said tablespoons when it said teaspoons 
  * andrew knows how to make a few things thanks to some of his homes, so he starts taking over when they don’t have practice or they get home early enough
  * they also end up eating at eden’s twilight or sweety’s some nights, and sometimes roland or the other workers bring in food for them just in case they havent eaten yet
    * nicky told them about his horrors with cooking one night and they all love the twins and nicky so they just do it 
  * aaron used to cook for himself and tilda too when she was drugged up and threatened him, so he knows a few things too
  * nicky takes over the chores of whoever’s cooking that night when they do and it ends up being a cycle 
  * the twins only survive because they can take care of themselves too (which sounds sad, but it’s true)




	83. Chapter 83

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neil josten + jack's torture before trials. graphic depictions of violence.

  * neil josten doesn’t feel like neil josten
  * he has to testify soon, because the fbi needs him to, because they won’t just take his statement 
  * and he doesn’t feel like the name on his id, on his legal papers
  * when he looks in the mirror, he sees nathaniel. 
  * and in nathaniel, he sees nathan. 
  * and in nathan, he sees fear. death. horror. 
  * so his mind is playing tricks on him when he looks in the mirror
  * it doesn’t take long for jack to notice that in the weeks leading up to the trial neil can’t look in the mirror and starts showering right when everyone else is finishing so no one sees him
  * and it takes even less time for him to exploit that
  * he starts carrying around a tiny compact mirror as it comes closer to the trial, and whenever he can
  * he lifts it so neil is forced to look at himself. and he moves it into neil’s sight. 


  * but neil hasn’t been sleeping much, he has dark circles under his eyes and he’s looking more like his father with those there now, looking more like he did when he last saw him
  * and it makes neil gag
  * jack thinks it’s fucking hilarious 
  * he’s still laughing, even when matt smacks the compact from his hand and throws it at him as hard as he can because neil is dry heaving on the ground now
  * matt threatens jack, tells him to fuck off before he fucks him up, and jack says “do it!” and then skips away, still laughing 
  * jack does it again the next day.
  * and the next. 
  * neil’s reaction gets more violent each time, until neil can’t take it and shuts himself down
  * he’s tired, he’s stressed, he’s broken and can’t make himself come up with something to fight back against jack, so when jack does it again he takes the mirror from his hand and snaps it in half. 
  * jack just lifts it again
  * he starts carrying the mirror half with him, continuing to torture neil
  * one time, jack catches him right out of the shower after a game and wipes off the mirror behind him so neil can see his scars, too. he blocks him from leaving the showers, until he hears andrew coming and stops and says “what’s the matter, josten? too busy admiring yourself to get ready to leave? everyone’s waiting and tired.” 
  * neil is standing there, staring at his reflection in the mirror like he cant look away
  * andrew shoves himself past jack, making sure to make jack stumble as he does, and places himself between neil and the mirror. his hand falls on the back of neil’s neck. 
  * “wake the fuck up, josten. some of us want to leave.” 
  * jack grimaces at the look neil gives andrew and stalks off before he has to see any more
  * the next time jack does it, andrew is there. 
  * jack doesn’t know this, of course, but andrew left the room for a while and it was just jack and neil for a few moments
  * so jack lowered himself behind neil on the couch and put the mirror in front of neil’s face. 
  * “look at you. fucking disgusting. i’d puke if i weren’t used to it, too.” 
  * neil tries to look away and jack snatches his chin and forces him to look
  * “in the eyes, wesninski. look at yourself.” 
  * suddenly, right when jack starts to laugh, 
  * the mirror is snatched from his hand and the sound of shattering glass accompanies it
  * jack is left with a grin on his face as he looks up at andrew minyard, looking fucking livid, his nostrils flared, mouth and jaw twitching, eyes on fire
  * jack just scoffs and stands up and lifts his hands to his shoulders in surrender
  * “just some light taunting.” 
  * “i could fucking murder you. i will. i’ll pull each finger from your hand and shove them up your ass and then do the same with each toe.” 
  * “kinky. didn’t know you were into that shit, monster.” 
  * “i’ll scalp you. then skin you. i’ll shove each piece of flesh into your mouth.” 
  * jack is starting to get freaked out.
  * andrew is slowly approaching him, going _over_ the couch next to neil
  * jack stands his ground
  * because he’s the biggest fucking idiot in the world. 
  * “i could do it right now.” 
  * jack sees a glimpse of silver in andrew’s fist and stops breathing
  * he feels a flash of heat against the back of his hand and refuses to look down even when he feels blood running down his hand
  * “andrew, stop. he’s not worth it.” 
  * andrew does stop. his face falls into a blank mask again right before jack’s eyes and he turns to attend to neil, making sure he’s okay in the way they do 
  * jack learns one important lesson:
    * don’t mess with neil. not when andrew minyard is around. 
    * he’s the first baby fox to learn this. 




	84. Chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What if what your soulmate thought of themselves was tattooed on your body? + Nicky/Erik

 

When Erik wakes up at twelve to find the word “ _broken_ ” sprawling across his upper arm, he wonders if it’s for him.   
After an explanation from his parents, he knows what it means, but he doesn’t understand. His soulmate couldn’t be thinking those things. They couldn’t think they are broken, no, because they’re not. They’re perfect.   
A few weeks later, it changes to “ _disgusting_.” Erik feels his heart break again.   
Then it’s “ _proud_ ” for a few minutes when he’s thirteen before that dissolves right before his eyes. It changes to “ _disgrace_.” Erik tells his mom this as they make dinner, showing her the word on his hand, and she looks heartbroken.   
He’s just turned fourteen when it changes to “ _cured_.” He can’t help but wonder what they were cured from as he gazes down at the looped cursive on his hip.   
“ _Stupid._ ”   
“ _Hated._ ”   
“ _Alone._ ”   
Erik is sixteen when it changes to “ _better off dead_ ” and stays that way. “ _Better off dead_ ” is scrawled on his collarbone for a year.   
Then it changes to “ _free_ ” when he’s getting ready to go to the airport to pick up the exchange student who will live with them this year. Nicholas Hemmick.   
It changes often through the time Nicho- no, Nicky is there, and it’s always between “ _cool_ ” or “ _idiot_ ” or “ _broken_ ” or “ _disgusting_.” “ _Broken_ ” and “ _disgusting_ ” are common with his soulmate, it seems, and every time they show up on Erik’s body he feels worry.   
What if he’s not good enough to help them? 

It takes him months to realize it’s Nicky. The only reason he realizes is because Nicky came out to him and he saw the word change on his hand from “ _idiot_ ” to “ _brave_.” When he looked up from his hand, he saw the word on Nicky’s neck form, changing from “ _drunk._ ”   
His fingers brush over the word on his neck.   
“ _Blessed,_ ” he whispers. “I’m _blessed._ ”


	85. Chapter 85

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jack + prompting nathaniel. violence/blood tw.

  * jack’s at it again. 
  * he’s taunting neil for nathaniel, for his past, for andrew and for neil
  * for everything neil is and has been 
  * neil can feel himself starting to fade 
  * he’s fighting as hard as he can, pushing and shoving nathaniel back into his cage
  * the foxes do not deserve to see this
  * they do not deserve to see neil break, see his control on who he used to be shatter
  * not even andrew has seen it yet
  * but jack is pushing it during their impromptu scrimmage, the one only the foxes are there to witness
  * he’s neil’s mark, and he’s chirping him endlessly, trying to break him down. neil knows that’s how jack plays, but it makes him want to kill him
  * “so, pretty boy, how long until you go running back to the ravens?” 
    * jack heard about his stint over christmas break two years ago
  * “what would your owner back there say if he saw you on the verge of tears like this?” 
    * they’re not tears. neil is not crying, he’s sweating from forcing nathaniel down and from pushing so hard against jack. 
  * “who tops between you two? probably you, since i heard he likes to take it up the ass.” 
  * that’s it. 


  * nathaniel breaks through and neil’s face shuts down from anger to nothing. absolutely nothing
  * jack feels triumph for a moment before neil drops his racquet and starts across the court, toward andrew. 
  * everyone stops at the calm walk neil has right now, watching. 
  * just watching. 
  * this is new. 
  * nathaniel gets to andrew and holds out his hand. 
  * “give me one of your knives.” 
  * andrew’s wary, but does it. he’s interested in what’s going on
  * nathaniel takes the knife and skids it over his knuckles as he walks back to jack, who’s frozen stock still now, close to the half court line
  * it only takes two moves for nathaniel to bring him down
  * a swipe of the foot to the back of his knee and a knee and fist on his chest to keep him there
  * the rest of the foxes are terrified
  * they’ve never seen neil like this, and when he speaks his voice carries to them
  * “never. speak. of that. again.” 
  * each syllable is reverberating off the plexiglass of the court walls
  * but we all know jack is an idiot
  * “or what?” 
  * nathaniel grins that face splitting grin and tightens his hand in jack’s jersey, moving his leg off jack’s abdomen so he’s straddling him
  * he drags him up off the ground and holds him there, one hand bunched in the material of his jersey, suspending him in a sitting position
  * everyone can see jack’s blank expression now, but only those closest (kevin, who is terrified, and matt, who is confused and on the verge of panic) can see the terror in his eyes 
  * nathaniel presses the tip of the knife to jack’s pulse point. 
  * “i’ll slice your throat. from here-” 
  * he drags the tip lightly across jack’s neck, grinning and tilting his head as he does, 
  * “-to here.” 
  * a thin line of blood wells up on jack’s neck, but only neil and jack know it’s there
  * nathaniel thinks jack’s learned his lesson, so he drops him and gets up. it’s as he’s walking toward the court door that jack speaks again
  * “just like your father. you’re just like him. it’s just a matter of time until you break.” 
  * nathaniel stops, eyes closed, and turns slowly
  * he makes his ten steps back to jack, and looks down at him
  * “what was that?” 
  * “i said you’re just like your fucking father, wesninski.” 
  * andrew is across the court in seconds, but nathaniel has his arm up to ward him off
  * “this is my fucking fight, minyard. back off.” 
  * andrew is even scared now
  * neil has never sounded like that, not when speaking to him
  * he backs off a few steps, his face blank, his mind running circles around itself
  * “get up.”
  * jack doesn’t move
  * “i said _get. up._ ”
  * jack still doesn’t move
  * nathaniel growls and drags jack up by the jersey, and slams him back against the court wall 
  * the knife is a glimmer between them as it tears a hole through jack’s jersey
  * “i am nothing like him. i’m worse. i know how to use knives to maim but not kill. i know how to make someone believe i trust them. i know how to tear you apart limb from limb in a way that those doctors can still piece your back together and you can live to see the sunrise tomorrow, and yet you still taunt me. and yet you still mess with me, john, you fucking idiot.”
  * the grin is back as neil glides the knife across jack’s stomach 
  * “count this as a message. do not try to break through me. it’s not pretty.”
  * nathaniel drops the knife when he’s done, wipes the blood on his hand on jack’s jersey, and storms off the court
  * the foxes are barely breathing
  * andrew is the only one who managed to follow, but even he hesitated
  * every breath jack takes sends fire through his stomach
  * it takes everyone a few seconds to rush to jack and help his shocked form into the showers to wash off the blood while renee and aaron gather bandages and rubbing alcohol from abby’s room. 
  * everyone, even renee, freezes when they see what the message is. 
  * it takes two weeks for the NATHANIEL carved in jack’s stomach to scar




	86. Chapter 86

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neil josten + killing a man

oh shit ok so usually people have the trials happening during palmetto years, right?  
but what if they didn’t? what if the FBI took too long to gather evidence and they couldn’t trust neil’s statements alone?

  * it’s been years since baltimore. 
  * not two, not three, not even four
  * it’s been seven years. 
  * neil is living with andrew now, and andrew’s team just recently accepted neil on as a striker
  * so neil’s just moved in with andrew and he’s alone at home, unpacking
  * andrew ran down to the 7/11 down two blocks to get groceries
  * normally, andrew wouldn’t leave neil at all, but neil’s face is recognizable and they both agreed it would only be a few minutes, thirty tops
  * neil’s alone
  * the door opens and closes while neil’s in the bedroom, eyeing the knives andrew left on the bedside table
  * neil knows that andrew leaves his knives at home when he goes out somewhere that could be crowded so he isn’t tempted, but it’s still weird seeing them sitting there, unsheathed and menacing
  * he sighs and bends down to put the rest of his clothes in the drawer, 
  * and feels metal press against the back of his neck


  * the barrel of a gun, to be exact
  * “this is from your father. his own son is speaking out against him, against his family, and he’s ashamed. you’re better dead than alive, and you always have been, nathaniel.” 
  * neil somehow manages to roll out of the way right when the safety is clicked off and the trigger is pulled 
  * he’s running on adrenaline now, and there’s a bullet hole in the metal dresser drawer, and the sound of metal crunching through metal is resounding in his ears as he rolls to his feet, avoiding another bullet, and keeps on the move
  * it’s barely even a fight
  * he just keeps moving, avoiding the rapid shots his father’s man is firing, wincing when one grazes his ear, 
  * and suddenly remembers the knives on the dresser
  * his heart is pounding as he charges the man and snatches the knives from the dresser while avoiding yet another bullet
  * _thanks for the teaching, mom_
  * he drives the blade of one knife into the man’s wrist, and the other stabs up into the spot where the man’s nose meets his forehead 
  * it’s not quite what neil meant to do, but it works
  * the man stops shooting at him
  * “what the fuck, abram. i leave for groceries and you kill someone in our bedroom.” 
  * neil looks up at andrew, who is looking unamused in the doorway, eyes on neil
  * “and with your knives, too.” 
  * “they’ll think i did it.”
  * “the FBI knows i’m in trouble and they know my reflexes. it was self defense, and that can be proven by the bullets all around the room. i need your phone.” 
  * andrew fishes it out of his pocket and tosses it to him
  * as neil’s tapping in the numbers, andrew looks him over
  * he’s never been scared of neil, not truly, but he could be right now
  * his heart is beating fast and every time he looks down at the man on the ground he feels….something
  * “hello? i need to talk to smith. no, the other smith. thanks… it’s neil josten. one of my father’s men just tried to kill me…. where is he now?”
  * andrew quirks an eyebrow when neil looks down, then looks back at andrew
  * “he’s dead on the floor in front of me.” 
  * andrew can hear the yelling on the other side of the line and feels his lips twitch when neil holds the phone far away from his ear and rolls his eyes
  * “why aren’t you using your phone?” 
  * neil hears andrew and steps over the body, and grabs something from the table by the bed. 
  * he tosses it to andrew, who catches it and soon realizes why
  * neil’s phone has a bullet in it
  * “i bet you could still use it.” 
  * the sarcasm is worth neil’s smile (not that andrew will admit it ever)
  * andrew continues looking at neil as he talks to the FBI, marveling a little at the fact that neil is calm currently
  * usually, neil would be freaking out
  * andrew is anticipating it to come later, though
  * eventually he gets bored and goes to put away the groceries
  * “they told us to wait for the police to get here.” 
  * “great. police.” 
  * andrew scoops a bit of ice cream into his own mouth, then scoops up more and holds the spoon out to neil
  * neil doesn’t take the spoon, just takes the ice cream
  * “i know you don’t like them, but there is a dead body in our bedroom. i’d rather not sleep with him in there.” is said around the mouthful
  * andrew just nods once
  * he finishes the rest of his ice cream in record time
  * he goes for a walk to avoid the police, letting neil deal with them
  * he comes back right as they leave with the body
  * neil is sitting on the ratty old couch upstairs, looking down at his hands
  * andrew can sense the oncoming storm. he drops down next to neil, close enough for neil to touch if he asks, and leans back into the cushions
  * “yes or no?” neil asks after a few minutes, turning his head to look at andrew 
  * “yes.” 
  * neil presses himself against andrew’s side, his face burrowing into andrew’s neck 
  * “i know how to do that because of my mother.” 
  * andrew’s silent. he already knew this
  * “she taught me. i’ve killed ten men before. now it’s eleven.” 
  * “he would have killed you.” 
  * “that’s what she always said.” 
  * andrew tenses for a moment before nodding and touching his fingers to the back of neil’s neck
  * “we have practice soon.” 
  * “is that meant to mean something?” 
  * “i want to get there early.” 
  * “junkie.” 
  * neil’s smile is worth it




	87. Chapter 87

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky & allison + shopping

  * allison is already on her way to the mall when she sees him
  * it’s nicky, wandering the campus, tapping away on his phone
  * she was longing for company anyway, so she pulls up next to him and says 
  * “get in, loser. we’re going shopping.” 
  * nicky jumps at first and then realizes who it is and grins
  * he gets in the car, still grinning
  * “why was i so blessed as to be your shopping buddy today?” 
  * “you were there.” 
  * “ah, so it was just my beautiful presence.” 
  * “don’t flatter yourself so much, hemmick.” 
  * she’s smiling as she says it


  * “music?”
  * “yeah. hit it.” 
  * nicky goes through her various cds and ends up choosing Songs About Jane (they both l o v e adam levine lbr even tho allison likes to say he’s not attractive she loves him) 
  * they turn it up and sing as loud as possible and both feel alive with the windows down, window blowing through their hair, and the music loud on the highway toward columbia


  * they arrive and nicky muses over whether neil would kill him if he bought him something 
    * neil’s closet is looking raggedy again
    * the kid is a mess
  * allison shrugs and loops her purse over her arm and walks in with nicky at her side
  * they shop in silence for a while before nicky whispers “oh my god” and allison’s forced to look into the window of the shop nicky’s staring at, where she sees. the most. gorgeous. dress. ever.
  * “i’m buying it.” 
  * “you’re not buying that! it’s like- i dont know- a thousand dollars!”
  * “i said i’m buying it.” 
  * nicky grabs her arm and tries to hold her back but it doesnt work
  * as she’s buying it he’s like “oh my god?? allison where would you even wear that??? it’s a floor length prom dress you just annihilated some poor teen girl’s dreams just because she has the same size as you. she probably saved up for months. god, that poor girl, she’ll be sobbing.”
  * “it’s her fault for not getting here before me,” allison states, taking her card back and slotting it away again
  * nicky laughs at that
  * “i want to try it on. is there somewhere i can try it on?” 
  * the cashier directs them to a dressing room and nicky waits for allison outside
  * she comes out and he has to cover his mouth because she looks like aphrodite
  * “you are so hot. if i were straight, allison, i’d be so into you. i’d be weeping right now.” 
  * “i know you would be. i look fucking flawless.” 
  * she does an over the shoulder pose as she goes back into the dressing room and nicky cracks up
  *   after that, nicky buys a few things, some for him, some for neil, some for andrew and/or aaron (they usually just pick and choose from the stuff in their size) 
  * allison pitches in for a few of the things, especially the things for neil
  * they make fun of the couples in the food court and throw fries at each other and gossip about the team
    * “so, matt and dan. did you see that fight last week? are they good?” 
    * “for the most part. dan’s still pissy about matt saying that in front of everyone, though.” “what about josten and the monster? how are they?” 
    * “oh my god allison i walked in on them cuddling. cuddling. andrew was sitting in one of the beanbags and neil was asleep on him.” 
    * “did you get a picture?”
    * “am i an idiot?”
    * “yes.”
    * “rude!! to think i was going to show you the picture!”
  * they get slushies and walk around the mall again, and nicky institutes the search for the ugliest mannequin outfit and whoever wins gets $10 from the loser and the loser has to buy the other alcohol
  * it takes a mannequin in stars and stripes, another in a camouflage dress, and another in a denim outfit that resembles britney’s dress of 2001 for them to find it
  * a short hot pink dress with leopard print, partnered with a tiger print jacket
  * nicky’s the one that finds it and allison instantly reaches into her purse and hands him a ten dollar bill
  * “i cannot believe that beats the denim prom dress.” 
  * “i cannot believe they actually have that on display. in the window.” 
  * “i cannot believe you actually won.” 
  * nicky sticks a blue tongue out at her and she responds with a purple one
  * allison is still looking at it a few minutes later, this time in a picture on her phone
  * she looks up at nicky and laughs a little, shaking her head
  * “what?”
  * “i- i just thought it looks like something neil would wear if he was a girl.” 
  * nicky snorts and starts laughing too, and soon they’re leaning on each other and laughing at the idea of neil wearing a hot pink leopard print dress and tiger stripe jacket
  * after that, they head back home listening to the M!ssundaztood album (it’s the 2000s. u kno these albums were allison’s life at one point, they’re just allison enough. esp the p!nk one.) 
  * neil actually thanks them for the clothes and they have to exchange a look when they see him (he notices but doesnt ask) and try not to laugh again
  * “so, when are you buying me that alcohol?” 
  * “never.”
  * allison gives nicky a bottle of his favorite rum the next day




	88. Chapter 88

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neil josten + being drugged. drugging tw.

  * they’re not at eden’s twilight for the first time
  * they’re at some seedy little bar, and it’s because eden’s is closed for construction. turns out they’re adding on a bit
  * they didnt know this when they came to get drunk, though
  * so neil’s listening to the live music and sitting with his team and listening to them critiquing it, comparing it to eden’s 
  * he doesn’t think when he goes up to get another drink, since he once practically lived in a bar like this
    * his mom was a bartender and she brought him to work with her. he was basically an employee, he just wasn’t paid in booze or money. it was food and a place to be during the day. 
  * he doesn’t catch the bartender looking him over when he takes the drink again, and he doesn’t think twice about the wink and smirk


  * he’s with andrew. he doesn’t have to think twice about it
  * he goes back to the table with his soda, sits down next to andrew, who’s frowning at him
  * “tell me next time, abram. i thought someone stole you. i need to know whether or not to celebrate.” 
  * “thought you didn’t wish me on anyone.” 
  * “i don’t.” 
  * neil smiles at him and lifts his drink to his lips to take a drink
  * (thank veronica mars for the next parts, for s h o w i n g me how roofies feel) 
  * the first few sips, he feels okay. he’s had a bit to drink under andrew’s watch, a few shots filled halfway instead of to the brim that he did with the others and a sip of allison’s mixed drink at her insistence
  * after that, though, he’s just getting dizzier
  * he knows he didnt order anything with alcohol in it, but maybe the bartender mixed in some whiskey or vodka?
  * he takes another sip to see, but he doesnt taste anything weird
  * he wonders if maybe he’s just dizzy from being so close to so many people and sounds when he’s not used to it
  * his head hurts but the rest of him is numb
  * he takes another sip. he’s really thirsty now
  * his blinks are taking too long
  * he’s getting sleepy
  * “neil?” 
  * he turns toward nicky’s voice
  * “neil, are you okay?” 
  * he nods, but everyone else is looking at him weird
  * he starts to recognize the effects
  * he’d been through this once
  * “roofie. get me out.” 
  * the foxes are shocked, but they start moving in an instant
  * dan and matt are storming toward the bar, ready to demand to speak to whoever gave neil that drink and give them a piece of their minds
  * nicky and andrew are both helping neil out, and everyone is staring
  * nicky’s gladly broadcasting the fact that “the bartender roofies people! check your god damn drinks if you can! fuck this place!” as loud as he can
  * andrew is silent, expression stony
  * allison and renee are both clearing the way for them
  * kevin and aaron bring up the rear, keeping people from touching andrew or neil
  * they get outside and neil slumps against the building as andrew throws his keys are aaron and barks “get the fucking car. we’re leaving.” 
  * allison goes after them
  * it’s only neil, andrew, renee, nicky, and kevin left standing outside the bar, and neil is sitting
  * renee crouches next to him and gently touches his cheek
  * “are you feeling any better?” 
  * “it’ll wear off.” his words are slurred together, though, so it sounds like “till wear’ff” 
  * andrew is down at his eye level in a second, his hands on neil’s cheeks
  * “you are a fucking idiot.” 
  * “yeah.” 
  * “i’m the only one who can drug you, josten.” 
  * “yeah.” 
  * andrew slaps his cheek none too lightly and neil smiles weakly 
  * andrew’s trying to keep him awake. that’s clear even in the drug haze
  * nicky’s watching on with something akin to sadness and concern on his face
  * “andrew, i’ll stick with the rest, get them to the house okay. you get neil home as fast as you can and make him comfortable. you know the drill from eden’s.” 
  * andrew just nods, not taking his eyes off neil
  * everything fades in and out after that
  * andrew blabbering on about nothing and touching neil’s leg as he drives to the house just to try and keep him awake 
  * they pull over for neil to puke about halfway there
  * they get to the house and andrew has to carry neil up to the bedroom they share when they’re in columbia
  * he sets neil on the bed and goes to get him water, telling him to “stay right there or i’ll murder you.” 
  * it’s not like neil can move, anyway
  * he’s just about to pass out when andrew comes back in and helps him sit up and makes him drink two glasses of water
  * “pass out now, josten.” 
  * neil obeys and slumps down when andrew lets go of him
  * the last thing he says before falling asleep is 
  * “don’t kill anyone.” 
  * in the morning, he’s hungover and for once he’s the only one who is
  * he pukes when he first wakes up
  * he’s sluggish and has a headache and can only down coffee and water for hours 
  * everyone is looking at him with concern and he hates it
  * the first thing matt says to him all day is at lunch out, and it’s just a simple “we called the cops on him.” 
  * neil nods “good.” 
  * they read about it in the newspaper, and since andrew couldn’t kill the guy he finds his glory in framing the newspaper article and putting it in the lounge at the stadium 
  * eventually neil starts to laugh at it when it’s referred to or asked about
  * what a good sport




	89. Chapter 89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andreil + calming down nathaniel

  * nathaniel is still in control when he strips off his jersey, his gear, and starts for the showers to get the sweat off his body
  * nathaniel is still in control when he steps out of the shower to find a pissed off blonde staring at him
  * nathaniel is still in control when he stomps past andrew without even a look
  * nathaniel is still in control when he hears the rest of the team bustle into the girls locker room and when andrew comes up beside him 
  * nathaniel is still in control when andrew calls him an idiot
  * “idiot.” 
  * “why are you talking about yourself?” 
  * “and childish, too. good to know.” 
  * “fuck off.” 
  * “this isn’t the nathaniel i met in baltimore.” 
  * nathaniel stills
  * “don’t fucking mention baltimore again.” 


  * “he listened to me.” 
  * “he was neil.” 
  * “then give me neil, nathaniel. give me abram.” 
  * “i am abram. nathaniel _abram_ wesninski.” 
  * “fuck you.” 
  * nathaniel just lifts one eyebrow and tugs the orange bandana from his hair
  * he drops it on the shelf in the locker in front of him and turns around and leaves without another word
  * andrew’s not used to doing the following, but he does it anyway
  * he’s not letting nathaniel loose on his own like this
  * “hey,” he calls, not wanting to call him nathaniel because he’s not. this is neil. 
  * nathaniel stops, looking over his shoulder
  * “yes or no?” 
  * it seems to take a lifetime for nathaniel to turn around fully and stand in front of andrew
  * they’re in the foyer now
  * “yes.” 
  * andrew is hesitant, but he presses his lips to nathaniel’s, his hand curving around the back of his neck
  * it’s the only other thing he can think of to bring him back
  * he’s kissed back, and he’s not touched
  * when andrew pulls back, he opens his eyes and looks over his not-boyfriend
  * “so, is josten back, or do i have to wait?” 
  * he takes a deep breath, looks andrew in the eyes, and smirks
  * “looks like you have to wait.” 
  * andrew growls under his breath and tightens his grip on his neck 
  * usually that’s all it takes to pull him back, but he let him go too far this time
  * he might not get his neil back. 
  * he doesn’t like not having his things with him. 
  * “give. him. back.” 
  * “i’m having fun.” 
  * “maybe i should keep talking about bal-” 
  * “don’t say it.” 
  * “-timore.” 
  * “that’ll just shove him deeper.” 
  * “then let him free. give me josten back. you can have your fun later, since carving into one of josten’s teammates apparently isn’t enough.” 
  * “not yet.” 
  * andrew’s grip becomes almost bruising. 
  * “neil, i know you can fucking hear me. bury this shithead and come back to me.” 
  * it’s the closest to sentimental andrew’s ever (will ever) come 
  * it takes a bit, and takes nathaniel squirming his way out of andrew’s grip, but neil comes back
  * andrew knows when his expression changes to fear and he says “i carved into jack.” 
  * “that you did.” 
  * “i carved nathaniel into his skin. oh my god.” 
  * “i cannot confirm that.” 
  * “i didn’t-” (hurt you? is unspoken)
  * “no. you didn’t.” 
  * neil nods and looks andrew in the eyes. 
  * “yes or no?”
  * “yes.” 
  * neil takes andrew’s hand and puts it on his neck again, then presses his forehead on andrew’s shoulder 
  * andrew listens to him take a few deep breaths before brushing his thumb against neil’s hairline
  * “can we leave?” 
  * andrew doesnt reply. he just steps back and lets neil hold onto his belt loop as they leave the stadium without anyone else
    * andrew lets neil drive 
    * they drive aimlessly for hours while andrew smokes and neil tries to outrun nathaniel




	90. Chapter 90

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + baking

  * it starts when nicky comes home and bakes erik a pie
  * erik is like “oh my god nicky u have to teach me how to make this in case i want it and ur in america” 
  * and nicky’s like “?? ok???” bc he thought it didnt turn out that good but hey if erik likes it it must be good
  * he knows he cant cook for shit but damn the boy can bake 
  * so about a week or two later he finds time and pulls erik into the kitchen and tries to teach him how to bake some stuff
  * it’s basically a baking extravaganza
  * but things go wrong
  * of course they go wrong


  * first the apples stick to the pan when they go to put them in the pie crust and end up dumping out after a bit of encouragement
  * all over the counter. 
  * there’s just stil sticky apple-brown sugar-cinnamon mess on the countertops and nicky actually gets tears in his eyes from laughing so hard at erik’s face
  * erik starts laughing not long after nicky 
  * they scoop the hot apples into the pie crust and burn their fingers and tongues (they both wanted to taste it) as they laugh 
  * erik smears goo on nicky’s face after the pie is in the oven and  kisses it off and nicky blushes and goes in to kiss him but smears more on erik’s nose and forehead
  * nicky accidentally dumps half a bag of flour on the counter when he’s trying to shake some out into a measuring cup when they’re making a giant batch of cookies to send to the foxes and wymack and abby
  * erik snickers and in response gets floury hands slapped on his cheeks
  * erik returns the favor by covering his hands and slapping nicky’s ass (which makes nicky blush and kick at him jokingly, until he realizes “you got flour on my favorite jeans, erik, you asshole!”)
  * erik gets slapped as well and it turns into a flour fight and nicky has flour turning his hair grey and erik’s cheeks and arms have flour all over them when they start kissing 
  * nicky’s the one to break it, claiming they should finish the cookies before anything,
  * but he loses to erik’s stare and smile and single nod and has to jump him he has to 
  * and then they finally get back to the cookies and finish them up and put them in the oven and forget about the first batch because they’re in bed again 
  * so the first batch burns and they toss those and actually stay in the kitchen for the following batches, because they need to clean up and nicky doesn’t want them all to burn
  * also it turns out erik has a thing for gooey cookies, so he always takes them out just a little bit before theyre done and nicky threatens to fight him every single time 
  * (erik only keeps doing it because his husband is adorable when he glares at him and sighs “i promise that i will fight you next time.” and he never does fight him) 
  * (tho nicky does put a very light, joking punch on erik’s cheek and erik pretends that it hurts until nicky kisses it
    * “ah! that hurt!” 
    * “oh, shut up.”
    * “it really did!” 
    * “what, do you want me to kiss it better?” 
    * erik’s eyes light up and nicky rolls his
    * he kisses erik’s cheek
    * “that’s not where i’m hurting.”
    * “then where does it hurt?” 
    * erik points a little closer to his mouth
    * nicky catches on and grins before pressing his lips to his cheek
    * then the corner of his mouth, when erik shakes his head again
    * then his lips, when erik shakes his head again
    * erik accepts the soft, lingering kiss nicky gives him
    * “i think i bit my tongue.” 
    * “should i check?” 
    * “please.” 
    * nicky kisses him and erik brushes his teeth against nicky’s lip 
    * nicky complains
    * it’s all just a big mess because they like to kiss each other and can’t stop once they start) 
  * they put together the care packages, cookies and the various other things they’ve gathered over the past six months, and nicky writes letters (like he doesn’t talk to them every day in texts) because he’s old-fashioned and it’s for the aesthetic (a care package with german things, cookies, and various other things topped with a handwritten letter? aesthetic af) 
  * they take the six boxes to the post two days later and drop them off and pay the ridiculous fee (pls. it’s barely anything to erik, the lawyer at a firm who is already working his way up the ranks, and nicky, the PR agent, who both know how to save like crazy if they need to and get large sums every two weeks)
  * basically these two r very domestic and cute and bake together every once in a while after that because they love it and eventually things start to go smoothly when they’re baking
  * though sometimes one of them sabotages the other’s thing just for fun 
  * gotta keep things exciting




	91. Chapter 91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + wearing each others clothes. nsfw at the end.

  * nicky’s got a few of erik’s t-shirts, a button down, a jacket, and even a pair of his underwear 
    * he didn’t mean to take the underwear, it just wound up in his stuff when he left last time he was in germany, but he’s not gonna argue it
    * he likes wearing them 
  * erik has some of nicky’s tanks, two or three of his shirts, nicky’s too-big columbia sweatshirt, and a bit more. 
    * he likes wearing the sweatshirt to bed when he’s super missing nicky
  * as time goes on, they start sending things back and forth
  * nicky buys a palmetto crewneck at some point and it’s blinding orange with white writing and he wears it around the dorm and sends it back to erik, 
  * and erik sends a stuttgart sweatshirt in response
    * when nicky opens the box to find it and a bottle of erik’s cologne he almost cries and he calls erik as soon as he can just to tell him he loves him
  * it becomes a thing from then on to send sweatshirts and shirts back and forth, sometimes small bottles of cologne with it, and handwritten letters in german 
  * when they see each other they exchange some clothing before leaving
  * when the team loses a game and nicky wants to wallow, he curls up in one of erik’s sweatshirts and skypes with erik or talks to him on the phone 
  * when erik has a bad day at work or loses a case he likes to have nicky on skype as he makes hot chocolate (nicky walks him through it until erik can do it himself) and he sits down in one of nicky’s sweatshirts with the hot chocolate and talks to nicky as long as they can
  * sometimes when they miss the other but cant talk they wear the others clothes and try to drown in their scent
  * these soft boyfriends r still too soft when theyre long distance even and its unbearable



very nsfw bonus under the cut: 

  * one night, nicky’s alone in the dorm bc andrew is in rehab and aaron is at katelyns and kevin is nowhere to be found 
  * he’s on the phone with erik
  * “i’m wearing your underwear,” he says, completely (not) innocent
  * he hears erik’s breath hitch slightly and smirks
  * “are you?” 
  * “yes. they’re comfortable.” 
  * “i didn’t know you had my underwear.” 
  * “i do. i like to wear them. it’s like-” he breaks off, laughing a lil nervously
  * he hears erik laughs breathily too and feels a little better
  * even erik is nervous
  * “why don’t we skype instead?” 
  * “okay.” 
  * nicky turns on the light and gets out his computer and he knows hes nervous and he’s thinking about all the things erik could do to him to absolutely wreck him right now
  * he hits the call button when erik says he’s ready and is chewing on his lip when erik answers and smiles at him
  * “hi.” 
  * “hi.” 
  * “show me.” 
  * “show you what?”
  * “i want to see you in my underwear.” 
  * nicky grins and shifts a bit (he’s hard and it’s awkward bc he has to show that to erik on skype now? damn him) and shows him
  * he sees erik’s smile grow a little and has to think “kevin could walk in any second” but for some reason that just makes him more excited
  * he hears a bit of a shift and moves the computer back to show his face again and sees erik’s cheeks r flushed and he’s looking nicky over
  * “touch yourself,” erik says, and nicky freezes
  * “erik-” 
  * “please? i miss you. i miss the sounds you make.” 
  * nicky smiles and sighs, touching a shaking hand to himself 
  * his face screws up and he hears erik breathe hard and shaky
  * “god, you’re beautiful,” is said and nicky moans 
  * his eyes open again and he looks at erik on the screen, smiling around his panting when he sees erik’s biting down on his lip and watching him, sees his arm moving
  * “i wish this were you touching me, erik,” he whispers, “i like when you do. it’s amazing. you’re amazing.” 
  * “nicky” is erik’s only response and nicky laughs again
  * when he comes erik’s name is tripping from his lips in a sigh and it’s intense, hearing erik groaning and breathing hard and repeating his name over and over 
  * nicky talks erik through the rest of it, praising him, telling him what he wants him to do to him 
  * both of them clean themselves up after a few seconds of hard breathing and laughing and looking just looking 
  * they fall asleep on skype together not long later
  * (◡‿◡✿)




	92. Chapter 92

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nathaniel things

  * as i prompted abigail: nathaniel likes following his companions around in the grocery store and swatting things off the shelf and looking innocent as he can
  * nathaniel likes to block people’s way to the door for absolutely no reason
    * matt got up one time and nathaniel just darted in front of him and kept stepping in front of him. over and over and over
    * matt thought it was funny at first but started to get frustrated the twentieth time 
    * nathaniel only stopped when matt pushed him down on the couch again
  * he also likes asking questions
    * “hey, can u get the whisky from the cabinet for me?” 
    * “why?”
    * “because we want to get drunk” 
    * “why?” 
    * “beee-cause.” 
    * “that’s not an answer” 
  * nathaniel likes pushing his limits
    * sometimes when he’s on the roof with andrew he walks along the edge, as close as he can get 
    * he antagonizes kevin as much as he can, to the point of kevin trying to snatch up his shirt and pull him forward to beat him
      * when this happens, he darts out of kevin’s way as fast as possible
    * he goes until his arms and legs are right on the verge of dead weight
  * he’s very blunt. 
    * it was nathaniel we saw around riko, not neil
    * he refers to himself as neil, but that was nathaniel. 
    * blunt, angry, loud-mouthed nathaniel who can tell off riko moriyama in a heartbeat without batting a single eye
  * he also has the worst attention span
    * like, he’s on the verge of adhd
    * he’ll be able ot listen to someone talk for about 2 minutes before his attention drifts and he’s looking around the room 
    * he taps his foot or his fingers or bounces his leg or paces constantly 
    * he just has to be moving or he cant think properly, even though you’d think it would be the opposite after all those years of “stay still, stay silent, out of sight out of mind” 
    * but those really made him need to move
  * the only one nathaniel doesnt do most of these things with is andrew
    * and that’s because he’s a little scared of him, of how he makes him feel, of the _something_ in his chest when he looks at andrew minyard, the 5′ fox goalie with a thirst for spite and a game to match
      * nathaniel doesnt like sharing the same feelings as neil 
    * he’s asked wymack endless questions before, but he hasnt done the other things because he refuses to come within arms reach of him
  * im sure i could come up with more but those are just the most prominent _“nathaniel”_ things




	93. Chapter 93

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jerejean + little things

  * jeremy knox is latino! latino jeremy knox! with his french boyfriend jean moreau!
  * jeremy likes to sing. a lot. he’s not the best but he’s not the worst either
    * (also i discovered this today but) he totally sings “tú eres mi dicha (you are my sunshine)” to jean just because
    * and at night when jean has a nightmare and he cant sleep jeremy likes to sing lullabies in spanish to him
  * jean can also calm jer down from his intense panic attacks (i refuse to believe Sunshine Prince doesn’t have the worst panic attacks about school and some games) when no one else can
    * jean can talk some sense into him
    * sometimes jean gets so heated he doesnt even realize he’s switched over into french but jeremy does and somehow, even though he doesn’t know a lick of jean’s words, it calms him down more
  * speaking of Sunshine Prince they have the worst nicknames for each other
    * Sunshine Prince, Jar (he said it by accident and jeremy laughed so hard he had to lean against the wall), Jack (Jeremy Anthony (my comin up with) Knox- JAK, Jack), Captain, 
    * Jean (pronounced jean as in jee-n as in jean shorts, not in the way that rhymes with “shawn”), Gimme Moreau (jer is a total britney fan btw), Frenchie, Jean-Claude, Pierre, 
    * and those are just the bad ones
    * the pet names… the pet names
    * Jeremy calls Jean “amorcito” the most, but also babe, honey, sweetheart
    * Jean calls Jeremy “mon chou” but refuses to tell jeremy what it means because he knows jeremy will laugh too hard, and calls him lovely and dear


  * every time jeremy wants to kiss jean he asks if it’s okay, while jean can just go for it if he wants to kiss jeremy
    * jeremy just wants jean to be okay, so he asks to even just hold his hand
    * jean asks if he can kiss jeremy the first few times, thinking jeremy needs it too, but when jeremy explains he’s okay with just being kissed spontaneously jean starts giving him small little kisses and touches without warning
  * it takes no time at all for the rest of the team to find out
    * it’s mostly because jeremy is Trash and cant stop looking at jean with this cute little “im in love” smile on his face
    * and jean keeps looking back at him with a small smile
    * they dont say anything, though, not until the trojans win championships (sorry, foxes) and jean kisses jeremy on the lips as hard and deep as he can when they get back to the locker room 
      * the kiss leaves jeremy in a daze and he leans against the lockers in full gear, grinning like andrew minyard on drugs, for a good three minutes 
  * they cant kiss without touching each other somewhere else too
    * whether it be hands on cheeks
    * or holding hands
    * or a hand in the others hair
    * or on their shoulder
    * or in their pocket
    * or on their neck
    * or chest
    * or a leg pressed against the others
    * they have to be touching not only on the lips but somewhere else
  * it’s a Thing for them to take walks along the beach at midnight when jean can’t sleep and jeremy doesn’t want to leave him alone
  * jean also accompanies jeremy to the mall sometimes, even though he despises shopping
  * jeremy goes to museums with jean, too, though he enjoys them too 
    * hes one of those people who prefers to look at others look at the art because he likes seeing their reactions
    * and jean always catches him staring and informs him as much 
    * and jeremy always just continues staring happily because he loves his boyfriend 
  * jean is the tol and jeremy is the smol and that makes cuddling great because jean isn’t much of a cuddler but jeremy is 
    * he falls asleep more often than not with his head on jean’s shoulder, tapping out jean’s heartbeat against jean’s ribs, 
    * he doesn’t know it because he sleeps like a rock unless he’s being shaken awake, but jean usually kisses his head and falls asleep with his arm curled around jeremy and his head tilted toward jeremy
  * both of them are ace/grey so sex isn’t an issue!!!
    * jean has never really felt any sexual attraction toward anyone, only romantic attraction, and even that was lacking
    * jeremy’s felt it, but he’s never felt like acting on it ever so he’s okay when jean informs him of his “odd thing” and he explains 
    * it doesn’t even change anything theyre still just as soft as always and they’re okay with each other and happy
  * hmu for more i need to go to sleep but i hve so many more to add




	94. Chapter 94

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky hemmick + vine

  * nicky hemmick vines
  * in fact, nicky is a POPULAR viner
  * he has so many vines
  * nicky vines almost everything the foxes do because he wants to document it ALL
  * neil josten showing up? He takes a vine and saves it to his drafts for when neil is announced and he can actually post it
    * the vine is just nicky whispering “oh no he’s hot” and zooming in on neil’s face
    * there’s also the infamous neil zoom again where nicky’s whispering “i’m gonna fuck him” and aaron says “ur not gonna fuck him.” and nicky whispers “gonna do it”


  * nicky taking videos of the other foxes when they show up as an interview series
    * “so how was ur summer matt” “great until i saw u” *dramatic gasp*
    * “and u girls? how was ur summer?” “fuckin sucked” - dan, “great! how has yours been, nicky?” -renee.
    * the next vine is nicky just zooming in on allison and seth making out and saying “looks like their summer was nice”
  * he zooms in on aaron’s face as he glares at nicky for having the phone on him, and says “aaron minyard” in a chant and it’s one of his favorite vines
    * thats literally all it is
    * but it makes him cry laughing every single time he watches it
  * he vines them after winning against the trojans and they all scream “GET REKT EDGAR ALLAN” (even neil joins in)
  * and when they win (before riko is ruled a suicide) nicky vines the team on the bus (erik joined them, since he didn’t really have a car he just cabbed to the stadium, and he foxes are heading home) and it’s five of the most intense vines on the entire account
    * the first one is of dan, crying on matt’s shoulder out of joy, and matt holding her tighter than ever and both are grinning like crazy, and it pans over to allison, who is looking smug af and ecstatic even with tears dripping down her face, and renee, who is wiping tears off her cheeks with her head resting against the window.
    * the next is nicky saying “go” and allison looking directly at the camera and wiping her tears and saying “that was for seth gordon.” and that’s all the vine is. the caption nicky puts is “rip.”
    * the third is wymack, who is driving, grinning like a mad man and tapping his fingers on the wheel, and it pans to a sleeping abby (she had her hands full with driving there, then with patching up so many foxes. she’s exhausted)
    * the fourth is kevin, who is fast asleep but smiling in his sleep, then neil and andrew, who are sitting in the last seat. neil has his head on andrew’s shoulder and andrew is wide awake, and nicky is scared for a moment before andrew just looks out the window again
    * the fifth is nicky and erik, nicky’s head on erik’s shoulder, and it catches most of erik mumbling “i’m proud of you” in nicky’s hair
  * and when riko’s “suicide” is announced, nicky is the only sympathetic one on the team
    * everyone else posts things like “good riddance” or “about time” while nicky,
    * nicky hates riko for what happened to his cousin and to allison, but he’s not like that
    * he knows how it feels to be a disgrace to one’s family to the point of wanting it to end
    * so he posts a vine where he says “rest in peace, riko. ur fans loved u.” with the caption of “i know how he felt. he was pressured. rip riko moriyama” and starts some discourse but he stays out of it for once
  * erik ends up staying the rest of the school year and summer so there are….so many cute vines let’s document some of the best ones:
    * the morning after the win finds a vine of nicky with his head on erik’s shoulder and erik playing with nicky’s hair and nicky prodding him until he says “what” irritably and nicky saying “i love u”  (before the suicide ruling)
    * a panning view of a table full of books and papers, then erik sitting on the other side of it shuffling thru some of them and asking nicky questions, nicky answering. the caption is “study sesh with bae”
    * nicky taking a vine of their hands and then erik asleep on the couch, and the caption is “jet lag central”
    * them walking along the beach at night, the flash on and erik shielding his eyes from it
    * erik repeatedly kissing nicky’s cheek and nicky trying to shove him away
    * “on the way to the airport” ft nicky looking miserable in the back of a cab and erik kissing his temple and saying “i’ll miss u” in english
    * a single vine thru the window of the airplane leaving the airport, the caption is “my *sparkly heart emoji* is going home”
  * the next year begins the brotp vines
    * nicky and matt taking vines of aaron doing stupid stuff or even just nothing and tagging each other in them
    * the frat party vines are endless
  * the first game of the season he does a scope of everyone in their gear and says “bring it, (team name)”
  * theres also the beautiful “andrew before he kills me” series
    * it’s thirty parts within the first school year alone
    * the most notable ones:
    * “ABHKM part 4: i walked in on him and neil and yelled “GET SOME BABY””
    * “ABHKM part 9: i forgot to get ice cream at the store”
    * “ABHKM part 15: i hit on neil jokingly and andrew thought i was serious”
    * “ABHKM part 24: i told him he should get rainbow arm bands”
    * “ABHKM part 26: i told neil santa didn’t exist”
    * “ABHKM part 29: i tried to hug him”
    * “ABHKM part 30: i told him he looked cute with neil’s head in his lap (he couldnt get up because he would risk waking neil)”
  * and lets not forget ur “inside the life of kevin day”, where nicky takes videos of kevin doing random things or breaking down
    * the most famous one is kevin crying at the table in the kitchen in columbia, andrew sitting next to him polishing off the remains of a birthday cake they’d made for neil (that neil didnt want, but appreciated) and kevin just cries “the d-diet-” before it cuts off
  * nicky just has…..so many vine followers it’s amazing




	95. Chapter 95

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neil josten + sharpshooting

  * neil josten doesn’t like guns
  * they remind him of time with his mother
  * but the foxes take him to a shooting range the fourth time he gets attacked by his father’s men or riko’s men
  * theyre tired of him not being able to defend himself
  * matt shows neil how to load and empty the gun, the safety, everything,
  * neil plays dumb because he can tell matt likes this, likes showing him this
  * he takes the gun and shoots at the target-
  * and misses
  * he tries again at the foxes insistence
  * and misses again


  * he keeps missing until they get discouraged and grab their own guns to practice (because theres no way theyre going to a shooting range and not shooting their own)
  * andrew sticks behind neil
  * he helps neil stay steady,
  * his hand on the back of neil’s neck, his other hand on neil’s arm
  * neil mumbles “i don’t need your help, though i do appreciate it.”
  * andrew sneers back “you’re a horrible shot. how will you defend yourself this way?”
  * “i can fight and i can shoot. i am not defenseless.”
  * “you cannot shoot. if you can, why don’t you prove it?”
  * neil rolls his eyes and lifts the gun again
  * he unloads the clip into the target
  * the unmistakeable overlapping gunshot sounds attract the attention of the other foxes and they watch the target drift back up to neil and andrew
  * they gather around after a breath
  * “holy shit minyard how did you get him to hit all headshots”
  * “I just asked.”
  * neil doesnt miss the look exchanged between nicky, matt, and allison
  * “neil why didnt you tell us”
  * “you were having fun. It’s been a long time anyway”
  * “even i cant do that, neil”
  * “I learned a long time ago”
  * by now the foxes know enough to not ask questions
  * they wont like the answers
  * they let it go but they do make neil carry a concealed weapon
  * (what’s breaking one law after a lifetime of breaking laws?)
  * andrew brings it up later on, when he sees neil tuck the gun away 
  * neil sees him watching the movements and catches his eye
  * “she taught me.” 
  * there’s only one She in neil’s life
  * “i can only do what i do with it because i couldn’t afford to miss.” 
  * andrew knows what he means and nods once before looking away 
  * and thats that
  * it’s dropped 
  * neil stops carrying the weapon a few months after the trials finish




	96. Chapter 96

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky/erik + proposal.

  * they’re at championships again!!! 
  * erik came for this one too, arriving just in time for the game again
  * nicky’s so happy. he’s so happy
  * and it shows on the court
  * he plays harder than he does any other game
  * he wants to show erik that palmetto was Good, a Good Choice 
  * they win against the trojans again and it’s AMAZING
  * two years in a ROW 
  * they all see the score and freeze as the stands start screaming so loud they can hear them through the walls of the court
  * the players who were benched for palmetto are banging on the court walls and screaming 
  * it’s just this moment of triumph that overtakes the burning in nicky’s lungs


  * and, still living in that moment, he looks up to the stands and sees erik there, right by the floor
  * and thinks “i want to marry him”
  * he takes a deep breath and grins and finds himself drowned in the celebration with the team right before he was going to start toward the stands
  * as they’re walking off, though, the crowd is still going insane
  * they decide to hype up the crowd more by going out to them and joining them in their intense celebration 
  * nicky joins hands with matt and kevin and they keep it going down the line and they all do a classic stage bow, nicky in the lead
  * the crowd screams more
  * nicky stands up again and catches erik’s eye as he does and he feels _something_ swell in his chest
  * he’s feeling more confident than ever and triumphant and he feels so _in love_ when he sees erik 
  * he finds his way over to erik and somehow vaults his way up so he can catch erik’s lips in a kiss
  * then he reaches up and pulls erik down 
    * aka erik catches nicky’s drift and climbs over the railing separating them
  * and nicky wraps his arms around erik’s neck and kisses him…..so hard
  * and the crowd is dying down a little at seeing this but theyre still buzzing on the win
  * and the foxes are laughing because _leave it to nicky_
  * and then nicky pulls back and just kind of…..falls to one knee and says “erik will you marry me” in the same moment
  * and erik’s eyes widen because he wasnt expecting this
  * but he says yes of course he’ll marry nicky why wouldnt he 
  * and nicky grins and kisses him again 
  * and the crowd is going wild AGAIN because they just wiTNESSED A PROPOSAL !!!! OH MY GOD !!!!!
  * and matt and dan are crying because nicky is gonna get married
  * renee is grinning like crazy 
  * kevin is kind of wary because “nicky what about ur reputation in the media” 
    * nicky’s response: “im gay and mexican what do i care what they think of me im getting married kevin” 
  * andrew, neil, and aaron are just kind of…..standing there
  * they had a feeling it would come when they saw nicky drag erik down from the stands
  * the other foxes are Shocked they knew nicky was insane but not this insane did he really just drag someone down from the stands and kiss them and ask them to marry him who does he think he is
  * anyway. nicky and erik pull apart not long later when wymack snaps at them all that he wants to get going 
  * erik whispers “you won again, nicky. you can do anything, i swear.” 
  * and nicky smirks at him and kisses his cheek and tells him to just wait until later 
  * later nicky shows erik just what he can do if u catch my drift




	97. Chapter 97

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicky hemmick + attempted suicide, erik finding out. suicide tw.

  * nicky’s hopeless
  * he doesnt have a single thing thats real about the person everyone around him believes him to be 
  * its starting to eat at him
  * he doesnt know how much longer he can do it 
  * he cant do it
  * his father made him repeat his verses so many times this week, 10 tonight alone, 
  * and he just cant do it
  * he tries
  * he wraps one of his ties around his neck and ties it as tight as possible
  * and he drops himself onto his bed
  * when he comes to, he’s in a hospital
  * theres a ring of bruises around his neck and it’s a little (lot) hard to breathe
  * he stays in bed the first few days because he gets winded so easily
  * the person he’s roomed with is kind of…..not good either
  * they’re angry and rough and throw things around and kick at their bed and pillow a lot and nicky’s been on the catching end of at least 10 pillows in two days 
  * the hospital stay lasts 3 weeks, and i could honestly write so much about it due to my own experience tho it would probably be parallel to it 
  * but anyway
  * then, not long after he comes back, nicky’s told about germany, about the exchange program, and he gets his ass in gear and has hope
  * it’s not until two years later, when he’s sitting around on one of the odd days he has off work and erik has off classes, that it comes up
  * they’re asking each other questions about each other and erik asks if nicky’s ever been in the hospital
  * nicky can’t just lie 
  * so he tells erik
  * “yes.” 
  * “why?” 
  * “are you sure you want to know?” 
  * “i don’t know… yes… yes. i want to know.” 
  * so nicky tells him. he tells him everything, starting with
  * “i tried to kill myself.” 
  * erik’s staring at him in shock from just that one sentence
  * nicky’s just sitting with his head on erik’s shoulder as he talks, his hand in erik’s, and he starts to feel erik’s grip tighten and stops slowly
  * erik’s looking down at him with something inexplicable in his eyes but it makes nicky’s breath catch
  * “you could have never come to me.”
  * “erik-”
  * “nicky, i love you.” 
  * “i love you, erik,” nicky tells him with just as much feeling, 
  * he knows what erik meant when he said the first thing
  * and it hits him then too 
  * if he’d succeeded, 
  * if his mom had never walked in to say goodnight, 
  * he could have never made it to germany, to erik, to love, to a home, to a life where he can actually be who he is 
  * nicky could have never made it in general
  * at the time, he would have been happy about that
  * but now, he’s scared of how he felt back then and he’s amazed he’s scared of it when it used to be the realest thing in his life
  * he cannot believe this
  * “i love you,” nicky tells him again, curving his hands on erik’s cheeks
  * “i love you, erik” 




End file.
